How I Learned To Care for Myself

I didn't always feel this way about myself.  In fact, quite the opposite, to be honest.  I was a chubby kid who learned to use food to self soothe.  At one point, I struggled with anorexia.  After being in one side of the ditch {anorexia}, I went to the other side of the ditch with over-eating. Sounds like my relationship with food has always been "off" eh?  Correct.

You are welcome to read my whole story on my website.  Since I've already documented it there, I won't repeat myself.  Issues.  I have 'em.  Sure do - stemming from childhood. Things just kept getting piled on until I was a heaping mess.  Sure, I looked good on the outside - I could have my face "on," hair "done," right clothes "on" and look perfectly normal.  However, it was a mask.  On the inside, I was a hurting broken person who had looked for significance in most areas possible ~ you know ~ accomplishments, work, performance, right crowd, etc.  I was always upright and moral, so don't let your mind run away with you.....I suppose food was my drug of choice.  Had a bad day?  Go home, eat 1/2 a container of ice cream.   Someone hurt my feelings?  Go home, eat a sleeve of cookies. See where I'm going here?  Food soothed me. Until it didn't.

When someone gets sick and tired of being sick and tired, they are ready to change.  BUT, they have to be ready for the change to occur and "stick."  In February of 2014, I was ready. I was tired of the vicious cycle I was on ~ eat well, then binge {clean eating, gluten free foods, of course!}, then try to drag the kids to the gym to work it off, only to continue again. Do any of you know what I'm talking about? A program called the "21 Day Fix," was just released.  It focused on clean eating, portion control, water intake and exercise.  "Great, I can do that," I thought.  "It's only 3 weeks and I already eat clean and work out.  Easy peasy, right?"  Know what I learned from that program?  My portions were way off, I wasn't eating the right foods and I had no idea how to exercise effectively.

Initially, I felt guilty spending the money on myself for the program and then I felt guilty for taking time to exercise.  See what's wrong with this?  It's based on shame.  I didn't think I was enough.  I didn't think I was worth investing in to learn to change my eating habits, to learn how to exercise effectively, to learn how to break the cycle.  But you know what?  I AM worth it.  You ARE worth it. Everyone who is living and breathing IS worth it.  If you are a busy mom like me, you are pouring out into your family all day, every day.  That will only last so long. Eventually, you will burn out.  Your bucket will run dry and you will have nothing to offer.  I have been there, it's not good for your family.  I am passionate about helping people learn how to take care of themselves.  You gotta start somewhere.  Are you ready?  Let's DO this!