Accountability?

Let's talk about accountability.  When you hear that word, what comes to mind?  A judge? Someone watching your every move? Discipline?  Most of us don't have a positive idea associated with accountability, do we?  I don't know why that is and I'm not going to delve into that here, but I can tell you that I see it as a problem within our nation as a whole.  We lack discipline in lots of areas ~ parental discipline, yes, but also self discipline with our thoughts, relationships, finances, food, technology, lack of boundaries, etc.  We are a society with very little discipline as a whole. There seems to be no real consequences for our actions.  {Which again, is not something I am going to get into here, but know I have some thoughts on it. :) }

An area of my life where I have greatly benefited from accountability is with my health, wellness and nutrition.  See, I have never had anyone really teach me how to eat, how to exercise effectively, or how to care for myself.  I followed most of the magazine articles that said what to do...you know, things like Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, etc., but those programs didn't offer accountability or education.  {Not in depth education that I would benefit from}. That's what I love about what I do.  As an online health coach, I coach people and educate them on what their bodies need, how to fuel their bodies, and I hold them accountable for their actions.  They have to report in with how they did that day with exercise, food choices, water intake, etc.  It's not rigid and nazi like at all, but merely a daily check in where people share in a private facebook group how they did.  That then tells me how I can best encourage, support and help them.  The cool thing is the group does that for the members too!  We all have our struggles.  Mine was food - I was a binge eater with no one to hold me accountable.  Then, when my clothes didn't fit, guess what I did? Just went and bought a bigger size.  {After I ate another cookie because I was depressed, of course!}  Is that going to help me reach my goals?  NOPE.

I didn't realize how much I needed the accountability in my life until I tried it and got results.  It was amazing!  So where do you need accountability in your life?  If it is with your food, exercise and health, I can help!  If it is something else and you feel comfortable sharing with me, please let me know and I can see what resources or connections I might have to help you.

Be blessed, friends!

Am I ___________ Enough?

Home.  Memories of the past.  People from the past.  Dreams I once had when I was young {and naive}.  These are all things I have been forced to confront/deal with/think about/process since moving back "home." See, when I was away, they were out of sight, out of mind, and not on my radar.  However, with being home, that is not the case.  I am forced to walk through these things and not avoid them.  {Which, truth be told, is what I prefer to do.  Avoid.  Sigh.}

I feel that now I am back and older, wiser and more mature {don't argue with me on these, it is true!} I see things so much differently than I did when I was young.  Now, I am able to look back at how I was when I was here and see where I was at in my life, and why I was that way.  I can see what my motivations were, what I was looking for.  What I needed, or thought I needed at that time.   For me, the root of it was insecurity.  "Am I ______ enough?" is a thought that often came to mind.  Or "I'm not _____ enough."  Fill in the blank - pretty, smart, thin, nice, honest, good.  Whatever word comes to mind, I probably wondered if I was enough of it. Seeing things this way makes me aware of why I did some of the things I did when I was younger.  I was looking for completion.  I was looking for meaning and to be meaningful.  I was looking for wholeness.  

It's funny how being back those thoughts can come flooding back.  I have found myself asking "Am I _______ enough," again.  Odd. And not fun.  It's like the memories run into my head again.  The feelings of inadequacy. But now, I am in a different place.  I am armed and equipped to combat those thoughts with the truth.  I can stand on the promises of God because they are true. There's a song by Mercy Me that has really been ministering to me a lot since we moved home.  It's called "Dear Younger Me."  Here's a clip of it for you to enjoy : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGpEns-I3kI

See, like the song says, I made my joy, my pain, my situation my worth.  If I knew then what I know now, it would not have been hard to figure out what I would have changed.  See, there are things that happen to us that we aren't meant to carry beyond the cross.  But, we do.  We let our pain, our struggles, our trials define us.  We let them have control of us instead of letting the Holy Spirit have control of us.  We then operate from that wound or hurt instead of being led by the Spirit.  "Hurting people hurt people," is a statement I have found to be so true.  When someone is hurting, they are so absorbed in their pain that all they know is pain.  So, they lash out and and put those around them in pain.  I don't believe it is intentional, but it is what happens.  Then, a cycle is created.  Pain causes pain, which causes more pain....see where I'm going with this?

All this to say, if you find yourself asking "Am I _______ enough?"  The answer is YES.  A resounding YES!  And, here is why:                                                  

You may not feel like you are enough.  You may not think you look like enough. However, what the world says is worth is really rubbish. So, don't let yourself go there, friend.  It's not worth it.  From someone who has been there, don't do it!  It is not worth it.  

Love & hugs,
Melissa

Can You Say Time Warp?

Time Warp.  That is how I would describe moving "home" after being away for almost 15 years.  It is the darndest thing.

See, in my mind, things are how they were when I left.  The town{s} is the same, the people are the same.  I am the same.  This is where it gets tricky.  What I imagine isn't reality.  The town{s} has changed, people have changed, I have changed {thank goodness!}  BUT, in my mind those things are as they were when I left.  But again, in my mind, I am different.  This is not reality.  Nothing is the same.  I am not the same, people aren't the same, towns aren't the same.  Time marches on, doesn't it? Yes, it does.  So, the fact that I'm not the young teeny bopper I was when I was here is tricky.  {The mirror certainly doesn't tell me I am, lol!}

Recently, I have been struck with how many younger people have recognized me or known me since being back.  I think at least once a week, someone says "Hi Melissa," or "didn't you go to Delphi?" And, I have no idea who they are.  Then I feel bad.  I have a good memory.  I remember names, I remember faces, I remember people.  So, the fact that I don't know who they are makes me feel bad. I was at school the other day and someone from college recognized me.  Once she asked if I was in Purduettes, I knew just who she was. Name and all.  I was excited about that!   Then, shortly after that, I started to think that everyone looked familiar and I should know them!  It's really a trip being back after being away for so long.

The other interesting thing is the places that are so familiar.  I have memories here. Experiences here. Triggers here {ha ha!  Kind of kidding, kind of not}.  It's like an out of body experience really.  I was on campus a few weeks ago.  I haven't been on campus since I was in college, so to be back how many years later with children in a mini van was a big wake up call.  Whoa.  Still kinda reeling from that one.  It's like in my mind, I remember being there in college, so when my body and my reality don't connect with that, I don't know quite what to do with it yet.  It really is bizarre.

Thankfully, people have been very kind and gracious in offering their name and how they know me and I appreciate that.  So, it's been a wild ride being back. Stay tuned for more of our Indiana adventure!

Let's Talk About Shakeology and Clean Eating

Is your health important to you?  Most people say that it is, but I find we don’t really know how to care for ourselves or that we lack education on what “healthy” is.  We aren’t aware that what we eat affects our health, or how our food affects our health.  I ran a free 5 day sugar elimination group, which was very eye opening, this week.  We are a nation consumed with fast food, sugar and junk food.  The sad part is we think we are eating healthy!  Partly because of what we have been taught eating “healthy” is and also because change is hard.  I don’t doubt people’s desire to be healthy, but I find that the actions aren’t matching the desire.  We know actions and words can be different sometimes.

Why is it that when it comes to our health, we focus on it when it is convenient for us or we need something?  We are getting ready for a reunion, a vacation, a wedding, etc., that is when we want to get healthy and lose weight?   What about the other 300 days in the year?  If you are complaining about the way you feel, not having enough energy, being over tired, the way your clothes fit, how you look, having out of control cravings, lack of will power, and body aches and sore muscles, then it’s time to change!  

Did you know you cannot outrun your fork?  If you are eating poorly, no amount of exercise can outrun that.  80% of your results come from the foods that you eat.  You cannot out exercise a bad diet.  But you can add exercise as you change your eating habits ;)  In February, I dove head first into the idea of clean eating and slowly started to change my nutrition.  I had dabbled in clean eating prior, but not full throttle.  Initially, I did it for weight loss, but what happened along the way was worth WAY more than what was happening on the scale.  I felt good, for the first time in my life!  I had more energy, I was confident, happy, not crabby.  {None of this hangry business anymore!}  It was awesome!  Would you be surprised to hear I did this by eating more food more frequently?  The kicker was it was the RIGHT kind of foods, not the wrong ones.  I learned how to treat my body the way God designed it to be treated.  I learned how to use food for fuel rather than comfort or a boredom buster.  I learned to listen to my body.  It was life changing!  The more time I have eaten clean, the more I believe this is the right way to live!!!  It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change.  My food fuels my body by eating the right kinds of foods, by having healthy portion sizes, spaced every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, cutting out processed foods, and drinking lots of water.  I can eat this way no matter where I am at!  Yes, it is more challenging away from home, since we live in such a fast food society that values cost over health, but I have found ways to do it and can help you too!

As a recovering person with food issues, I have tried everything under the sun – prepackaged diets, counting calories, counting points, diet shakes, etc. and I did not lose weight, nor did I feel satisfied at all.  In fact, I was more crabby doing those things than what I’m doing now!

Shakeology has been a huge part of this for me.   I have tried other meal replacement shakes in the past and still felt hungry.  I’m usually in a hurry!  When in a rush, I used to eat on the go – you know, leftover kid foods, sugar laden cereals, etc.  On a good day, I’d get to a coffee shop and have a latte and muffin, but then feel like crap the rest of the day….I was dragging because I wasn’t giving my body what it needed to operate as it should.  Then, I would feel GUILTY for not making a better choice, and I would then CRAVE more of the bad stuff!  {Which is another downfall to sugar – it’s addiction component}

Are you on this vicious cycle of wanting to be healthy, but feel like you don’t have enough time, and just lack of energy and will power?  Can you relate?

If so, let me help :)

1.  Start today!  My blog the other day talks about how the perfect time never comes…do it now!  What do you have to lose?  You could actually lose weight before Christmas rather than waiting until after Christmas!

2.  Baby steps - cut out the processed foods, carbs, sugars, pop.  You likely know what your “bad foods” are.  Start there.  Begin reading labels and stop buying foods with ingredients you cannot pronounce or understand.  Get rid of the bad foods in your house – the candy, the cookies, ice cream, etc.  You can’t eat it if it’s not there!  {Been there, done that!  Good bye, Girl Scout Cookies!}

3.  Don't feel guilty not buying sweets for your kids.  They don’t need it either!  It isn’t good for them!  Did you know that sugar weakens your immune system and makes you more susceptible to illness?  On top of brain fog, lack of concentration, etc.  Who needs that?  None of us :)

4.  Start drinking Shakeology. Why??? First of all, shakeology is NOT A PROTEIN SHAKE which most people think it is. Let me explain why it isn't.  Shakeology is a meal replacement and not a protein shake.  It has the right carb to protein ratio your body needs to stay full for 2 1/2 to 3 hours.  It has the fast burning carbohydrates with the slower burning protein to keep you satisfied.

It has a ton of natural {not processed} ingredients that meet your daily requirements for vitamins and nutrients. So you notice that the energy you were lacking is decreased because you are now getting vitamins and nutrients that give you energy.  Your cravings for sweets are decreased which is originally caused by vitamin deficiency and you are no longer deficient.  You are not over eating because Shakeology is portion controlled, so your portions are in check.

Shakeology is not for weight loss.  It's for nutrition, and of course when you have proper nutrition you naturally lose weight!  Shakeology is something I drink daily because it is convenient, it's healthy, it does not add to my grocery budget - it replaces something I used to have that was less healthy!

So when you look at clean eating and Shakeology as an investment in your health how can you deny it?  It's the one thing that keeps me on track when life gets busy! Instead of eating leftover kid food heading out the door, I now grab a shake and go!

5.  Change how you look at food.  View it as fuel not for comfort or boredom busting :)  When you eat, a good thing to ask is “ is this giving me energy, is this giving me nutrients or is this purely comfort and to fill a void?”  From time to time, you will eat for fun, to celebrate, etc., but this is not an everyday occurrence!  Enjoy things from time to time, not daily :)

If you are reading this and feel ready to change, commit to Shakeology once a day! This is your health, your life and you’re the only one in control of it.  And, you ARE worth it!  I see so many people who don’t know how to take care of themselves…how can we care for those around us if we aren’t caring for ourselves?  We can’t!  

I’d also love for you to join my next clean eating support group.  This way you can learn to make this a lifestyle change, not a diet.  I have lots of recipes, meal plans, grocery lists, travel tips and tools to help you!  The only way you won’t succeed is if you don’t put in the effort to change ;)

If I am not your coach on Team Beachbody your next step is to create a free account. I will then contact you to start your consultation about how you can improve your health and balance the good with the bad!

I’d love to partner with you to be the best you YOU can be!  You ARE worth it!

So, What's Your Crutch?

So, what's your crutch?   Yes, I asked.  What is your go to in times of stress, frustration, sadness, when you need comfort, etc?  

For most of us, it is food.  For others, it can be drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and a variety of other addictions I don't need to lay out here.  Since I haven't struggled with drugs, alcohol, tobacco or anything else {well, maybe the internet ~ facebook?}, I don't feel equipped to speak to those.  But food?  Yes, I can speak on food.

I have very vivid memories of digging for "chunks" in the ice cream container.  So much so that I would eat 3/4 of it at once, as I was obsessed with finding chunks.  I didn't realize I was consuming mass quantities of ice cream while I was doing it, as I was so focused on my "treasure."  It was a way to numb my pain, soothe my heart and calm me down.  Or so I thought.  Funny thing is it actually did quite the opposite.  Years later after abusing my body to binging on a diet of ice cream, frozen burritos, soft pretzels, cheese, pop, and candy, I discovered I'm intolerant to wheat, dairy and corn. Surprise!  Actually, no, it shouldn't surprise me as that was all I was eating.  {If you're curious about the corn...no, I wasn't directly eating corn but there is high fructose corn syrup in most of those foods I was living off of.  So it's a corn by-product.}  Gross.  It actually makes me feel ill to type this.

So, back to you...what's your crutch? What do find yourself doing when you're hurt?  Frustrated? Sad?  Lonely?  Discouraged?  Before you pick up your spoon and carton of ice cream, will you do me a favor?  Ask yourself ~ "why am I eating?  Am I truly hungry or is there something more going on here?"  I think that so many of us are so deeply wounded that we just continue to abuse ourselves, our bodies, our health which affects so many areas of our lives....it affects our minds, our emotions, everything.  So, my encouragement for you this week is to pause and do a self assesment.  You are worth it!  Stop beating yourself up, please!  Other people are so good at doing that to us, we don't need to do it too......

Why Does It Work?

Yesterday on facebook, I shared that after 11 years of marriage, 2 kids, etc. {Etc. being 5 houses in 4 states, how many businesses......} that I am at a size I have never ever been at in my life.  I didn't say it to brag or get attention.  I shared simply to let you know things you think aren't possible for you actually ARE.  May I elaborate?

This is more of what I shared on facebook ~ "When you give your body what it needs, it is amazing what it will do for you. If you know me, you know that I'm about SO MUCH MORE than a number on a scale or the size of your jeans.....just like this is about more than that. It is about being the best YOU you can be. It's about feeling good, feeling confident & thriving in your life. Don't just get by friends, you ARE worth it! ‪"  And you are!

Part of what I struggled with for so long and didn't realize it until recently was self worth.  I didn't think I was worth taking care of.  I didn't think I could be a certain body shape. I thought if I looked a certain way, I would attract the wrong kind of attention, that people would think certain things, etc. See where I'm going with this?  I wasn't about caring for myself.  To be honest with you, it was actually self abuse.

Food was my crutch.  When I was stressed, I would eat. Bored?  Yup, eat.  When I was nervous, kitchen here I come. See, I was using food for the wrong things.  Food is designed to fuel our bodies and to make them work well.  That is what it is created to do, but so many of us have fallen away from that and we turn to food for comfort, for relief, for whatever. It is our drug of choice.  And, it is not good.  Do you relate to what I'm saying?

It's kind of like a gas tank.  We fill up our tanks when we are on empty, right?   Why?  Because we want the car to go.  Our bodies should be the same.  We should be feeding them nutritious, healthy, clean food so they work well for us. When we are running on "E," physically, we should ask ourselves "what does my body need now?"  More food?  Water? Exercise?  Taking care of yourself is preventative care.  

You may know I have made a radical lifestyle change since doing a program called the 21 Day Fix in February.  You can read my whole story here.  And, yes, I have tried lots of other programs before....Weight Watchers, Clean Eating, other shakes, supplements, pills, etc. and NOTHING WORKED.  Ya know why? Because I wasn't educated on what my body needed.  I was simply sold a product.  {On a side note, that is not what I am doing.  I ask a lot of questions.  That is because I want to be sure you are getting a program that is best suited for you.  So if you are looking for a quick fix, to spend some money and hoping for great results, this isn't for you.  However, if you're open to learning what your body needs, coaching and learning how to make those changes, this could be a good fit for you! But bear with me as I ask because I understand the value of money and want to be sure we get the right program for your goals, your lifestyle and your needs. }

So, why does a challenge/accountability group work?  Why will you get results? Let me tell you why:

1. You are getting an exact workout program that shows you exactly what to do to get results. 

2. You will get a nutrition guide and a month supply of Shakeology so you will know exactly what to eat to fuel your 
body and get results.  

3. You will get my coaching and accountability for free!  I run private facebook groups that offer you education, support, motivation and accountability so you can finish the program strong.  You will literally have support every step of the way.

All you need to do is commit, show up, do the work and you will see results!  And, if you don't have success, you get your money back!  This was what did it for me.  I was learning how to treat my body for the first time in my life!  I was learning how to exercise effectively!  I was learning how to be accountable for my actions, that what I put into my body would either make me or break me in the future.  It was really life changing for me.  I think so often it's easy to pop food in our mouths, or hide in a closet and binge eat, thinking if no one sees us....the truth is they may not see us eating it, but we know we did it and our clothes will eventually tattle on us!

So, what is holding you back?  Yourself?  If so, get out of your way!  You ARE worth it, friend!  You were created to live life to the full, so are you?  Again, it's not about a size you wear or a number on a scale, but about showing up, being present, feeling good and THRIVING in the life you have been given!  I'd be honored to come alongside you.........

The Performance Trap - Do You Fall Into It, Too?

The good ol' performance trap...you know, the one that says "if I do this, then this."  For example, it might go, "if I get to school on time to pick up my kids, I'm a good parent."  Or "If I read my Bible every day, I'm a good Christian."  How about this one "If I exercise every day, I am healthy."  Um, hello....why do we do this to ourselves?

I have to be honest....I have fallen WAY back into the performance trap since being home. See, I grew up here.  I performed - I wore masks, was involved in everything and was not real.  Not out of wanting to be mean or cruel, but I think for protection.  Same thing happened in college - super over achiever, involved in everything on campus.  Um, hello, BURNOUT!  Those things do not identify who I am, nor did they then.  All of the striving I was doing was in total vain.  To be 100% honest, I'm not sure what I was striving for/seeking/looking for, but I can tell you I didn't find it.  It's like the lie that when you get that new car, you will be happy.  Sure, you are for a while.  Then, someone hits you, or it isn't a new car anymore and you're onto the next thing.  Anyone know what I'm talking about or am I the only one who has lived this?

Funny thing is being home I find myself in more "panic mode" of "do more," "be more," The perfectionistic tendencies are rearing their ugly heads too.  I find myself being more critical and feeling like things aren't enough - house isn't clean enough, kids aren't well behaved enough, etc.

As I have thought about this, I realize this is the first time I have really lived at home since I was in college.  When I was in Chicago, WI, IL, SD, I was away.  I liked it.  I didn't feel this pressure/panic/performance issue I feel now. Is it because I'm here and that is all I know from here?  Whatever it is, it is time to find a new "way" here.  I am not willing to live this way for myself or my family.  It isn't worth it.  If you have been in this cycle before, how did you break it?  I'd love your insight, friends.

What Are You Waiting For?

How true is this statement?  Let's think about it.  What are you waiting for?  The perfect time?  What is the "perfect time?"  After the holidays?  After your kids are in school?  When you retire?  Why wait?  What if that "perfect time" you've waited for never comes and you've totally missed out?  Then what?  Let me share some of my story.....

As you likely know, I did a program called the 21 Day Fix in February.  It was something that I wanted to do for myself.  My coach had been talking with me for about 2 years about doing something like this.  2 YEARS people!  Seriously, so yes, I know about waiting for the "perfect time,"  I finally decided to do it in February.  Truth be told, the fact that it was only 3 weeks long had a lot to do with that decision!  So, I jumped in and did it.  Was February a good time for me?  No, to be honest, it was probably the WORST time ever for me to do it.  My house was on the market, as my husband was on a nationwide job search due to changes at his work.  And, we were living in South Dakota, where it freezes that time of year.  By freezing, I mean 50 below 0.  Ya, it's a little cold there.  So, I was in full hibernation mode, eating comfort foods, ya know, junk!  Not working out because it was too cold to go to the gym and to be honest, I probably wasn't doing great mentally or emotionally with everything going on around me.  So, was it the "perfect time" to start?  HECK NO.  But, I did it anyway!  And, you know what?  I am SO glad I did!  Do I wish I had done it sooner?  HECK TO THE YES.  Do I regret doing it?  Not at all.  I only wish I had done it sooner.  Ya know what makes me sad?  If I had done it sooner, I could have had these results sooner.  More energy, more zeal for life, less crabbiness.  Peace.  Confidence in my own skin.

So, what are you waiting for?  For me, my "waiting" wasn't really about timing.  It was about me.  I didn't care enough about myself to do something.  I didn't think I was worth it.  I was comfortable with doing what I was doing.  Did I want to change?  Yes, I did.  Was I scared?  Yes, I was.  Did fear hold me back?  Probably.  What if I failed?  What if I didn't?  See, we get stuck in a cycle that goes like that, don't we?   What if this, what if that?  That cycle holds us back from so many things.  We get all caught up in our head and are afraid to try.  So what if I failed?  So what if I didn't?  Would anyone have known but me?  And, furthermore, why did it really matter?  Why do we do that to ourselves?  We hold ourselves back from our full potential so many times.  Friends, if you are reading this today, I encourage you to stop waiting.  That perfect time isn't going to come.  Life happens.  You've got to step out and go forth.  {Now if God is calling you to wait, that is another matter.  I'm not encouraging you to not listen to His timing at all.}  If you're waiting for the holidays, ya know what?  How many days are Thanksgiving and Christmas?  TWO.  Why would you wait and give up almost two months {60 days} for 2 days?  

I was listening to a call today with Chalene Johnson, who is a celebrity trainer who created programs like PiYo and TurboFire {both of which I adore, btw!}  She was talking about how so many times during this season, we are taking things off the list to put more things on like Christmas parties, Christmas cards, etc. What's the first to go? Our own self care. But that is the WORST thing you can take off....you gotta take care of yourself so you are prepared & ready to enter this stressful time. Just remember, you ARE worth it friends! I am happy to help in ANY way I can!

I. Am. A. Sugar. Addict.

There, I said it.  Feels good to get that off my chest.  Funny thing is, I wouldn't have said that before the 21 Day Fix.  But, now that I have done that and learned how to take care of myself, I am a sugar addict.  See, Halloween was the other day, right?  I did really well - bought candy the day of, candy I didn't like, so I wouldn't be tempted, then.................

The doorbell rang.  It was a neighbor explaining they would not be home for Halloween, so wanted to bring some candy by for our kids.  {That was nice.}  Of course, we don't let our kids eat a lot of sugar, food dyes, and they are intolerant to wheat and dairy, so being the good mama that I am, I inspected the candy and ate it before they could.  {Hooray for me!  Mom of the year, here, right?} Not so much.....

The next morning, I woke up with a stomach ache.  Duh.  Halloween came, the kids went trick or treating and agreed to trade their candy in for a new toy.  Hooray!  But, you know what that means?  I ate some of their candy.  After my stomach hurt that morning from candy the night before.  So, I ate well in the morning, drank my water, and went on my way....until lunch time.  I was hungry but decided to eat some more candy before lunch.  An appetizer, maybe?  Yah, not a great idea.  Know what happened later that day ? The screaming manic woman I used to be came back with a vengeance.  It was scary!  I was angry, having negative thoughts, being totally irrational and unpleasant.  Think I would have learned a lesson, right?

Not so much.  My husband, the great man he is, hid the candy that night.  {Yay for him!}  The problem is, I knew where he hid the candy!  So, I would sneak in and get a few pieces. At one point, he busted me {ouch!} and said "do you think it is worth it?"  "What do you mean," I reply.  "What it does to your mental well being," he said.  "Um, yah, sure is.  It's just one piece." 

So, what happened today?  More raging lunatic-ness.  Seriously, what is my deal?  Why can I not stay away from the candy?  I don't know.  It happened again tonight - I snuck into the candy stash and the words my husband said went through my head.  And, ya know what?  It didn't stop me.  That is when I realized I truly have a problem.  And, that is why I can't keep sugar/candy/junk in the house. Scary, friends.  It was scary that having a few pieces of candy could take me back to that place I used to be in before the 21 Day Fix.  Eek.  Anyone else relate to this?