Accountability, Encouragement, Support and a System to Succeed?!

Ok, friends, it's the time of year to think about New Year's Resolutions!  Christmas has passed and New Years Eve will be here before we know it!  Did you know that each year, 45% of people make New Year's resolutions? Know what is at the top of the resolution list each year?  Weight loss.  You guessed it!

How many of you have made a resolution to go to the gym more?  Eat better?  Eat less? Drink more water at the start of a new year? And, how many of you have not followed through on those resolutions just a few weeks later?  {Me, me, me, me....I have been there done that for sure!}  

I am super excited in these few weeks we have been on break, I have been re-vamping my challenge group content to make them better than they were last year!  I am super excited about what my challengers are going to get from participating in a group!  I'm starting my new group on Monday, January, 5 and would love for you to JOIN us!

Why do those people I mentioned above {myself included, remember?} not follow through on their goals?  Why do they not keep going?  For me, I had a few reasons.  One being lack of a program.  I didn't know what to do at the gym, so I walked, did the elliptical and I got really daring once and did a group fitness class!  Did I learn what I needed to be eating?  NO.  Did I learn how much water I should drink?  NO.  Did I have any support, encouragement or motivation?  NO.  I didn't even know anyone in the class, which made it even more lonely.  The fitness instructor wasn't checking in on me to see how I was doing, if I had any questions or needed anything.  Then, when I had been going for a week or two and not seeing results, I was discouraged!  What did I do when I was discouraged?  Emotionally eat or get a Starbucks drink, of course!  That will make me feel better, right?  It might have for the moment, but really it undid any sort of progress I was making at the gym.

Last February, I did a program called the 21 Day Fix and it literally changed my life and opened my eyes to so many things.  Here are some of the lessons I learned:

1. 80% of results come from nutrition.  20% is exercise.  I always thought I could eat like crap then exercise it off.  NOPE.  80% is based on what goes into your mouth!  80%  I was shocked!

2. I need a program in place.  I like routine and being told what to do and how to do it {in terms of fitness and nutrition, that is!}  I was thankful for a nutrition guide that came with the program that told me WHAT to eat and the containers that told me HOW MUCH to eat.  I also learned WHEN to eat.  I also got a workout calendar that told me what workout to do when.  Having a system all laid out that I did not have to create, research, look on Pinterest for was a huge benefit to me!  I could just follow it and be on my way.

3. I need support!  Having an accountability group where I was getting information, education, support, motivation and advice was awesome!  This is really what helped me I think.  I had to be accountable for my actions and it was powerful!

4. Shakeology is truly the real deal.  I will admit, after trying multiple shakes over the years, I was skeptical of Shakeology.  But, after trying it, combined with clean eating, exercise and proper water intake, I can honestly say I feel the best I have felt in my whole life.  I know my body is getting what it needs and that I am truly fueling it, rather than stuffing it with junk to keep me going. From someone who used to be a caffeine, sugar, carb addicted gal, this is a huge change for me!  I feel great!  I have energy to not just get through the days, but to enjoy them and THRIVE.  My mid afternoon slump is gone, my cravings are gone and it ensures I'm getting what I need nutritionally for the day. It is nutrition that I wasn't getting before.  I am healthier, I perform better during my workouts and I don't need a multivitamin now.  This is not a protein shake or even a weight loss shake.  It is a health shake.

As you can tell, 2014 has been a great year of working on myself and becoming the best me I can be. I feel like I'm at my peak, after having 2 kids.  {I'm not talking physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  A lot of this has to do with breaking free from the food bondage I was in, I believe.}  I want that for all of you too.  We have been given this great life, so are we living it?

Are you ready to experience this for yourself in 2015?  Great!  I'd love for you to join us :)
So here is the dealio!  I'm starting a 30 day fitness support and accountability through my online Facebook private page.  

The requirements are this:

You make me your coach by going to my site and creating a free profile which makes me your COACH!  

You contact me by completing the application below to be considered for a spot in the group.

Together we decide what fitness program will best meet your needs. You are required to do a Beachbody Fitness program {I will help you make the decision as to what fits you best}

You are required to replace Shakeology with 1 meal each day for the very best results.  My goal is to teach you how to plan and prepare the other meals of the day so that you get the results you are looking for. At the end of the 30 days the choice is yours to continue with Shakeology or not!

You must check in daily to the closed online group to rate your day, be accountable and engage in the group discussion of the day.

That's it!  You get to workout in your own home but be connected to me 24/7 for support, fitness, recipes, nutrition and tips!

I am committed to helping you get the very best results possible!  Are you ready to rock it?!?!  

Complete the application below to be considered for our January 5th start date!

Fill out my online form.

Online contact and registration forms from Wufoo.

Are We Confused About Our Hunger?

"You Are The One That We Praise, 

You Are The One We Adore.  

You Give the Healing and Grace Our Hearts Always Hunger For.  

Oh, Our Hearts Always Hunger For."  

This is a song we sang at church on a Sunday and it made me think about hunger.   What are we hungry for?  Are we hungry for the right things?  Are we confused about our hunger?   Let' talk about this, shall we?

Is it possible we have confused our spiritual hunger with physical hunger?  Is it possible that we have such a longing inside of us that isn't being filled spiritually that we are trying to fill it with the wrong things?  Are we trying to fill our Christ shaped void with posessions, relationships, food, etc.?  Those things will never satisfy because that void can only be filled by Christ.  We can chase everything until we have achieved, arrived, gotten everything that we think will satisfy, only to still feel unfulfilled, empty, hollow...you get the idea.

The other lyrics that struck me were these ~

"In the glory of your presence, I find rest for my soul.

In the depths of your love, I find peace makes me whole."

I was struck by how opposite these things are in today's society.  I was especially struck in the midst of the Christmas season, which has been full of parties, programs, gifts to buy, snacks to make, etc.  It has been full, full, full. There hasn't been much rest or peace because of the chaos.  As I was reflecting on my life, I used to live in a state of chaos, busyness, sleep deprivation.  I was on the cycle of more more more.  More accomplishments, more striving, more things, more money, more food, more more more more more more more.  Ugh.  It was exhausting.  

Do you see this too in our society? We don't value rest or peace, which is what makes us whole.  So it is with food.  When we are hungering for the things of God, the physical hunger disappears, at least for me it did.  We learn to treat our bodies as the temples they were created to be.  We want to be healthy, whole, refreshed and ready to thrive in this gift of life we have been given.  Yet, we are so opposite our culture in doing so.  We as a society don't know how to care for ourselves ~ physically, emotionally or socially.  We are complicated, people.  Everything we do in one area affects the other. What we eat affects how we think and feel.  How we feel and think affects how we eat.  If we are satisfied spiritually, we don't long for things that are not good for us.  Does this make sense?

Today in my devotional, "Streams in the Desert," I read this.  I think it is good confirmation.  "We would be better Christians if we spent more time alone, and we would actually accomplish more if we attempted less and spent more time in isolation and quiet waiting upon God.  The world has become too much a part of us, and we are afflicted with the idea that we are not accomplishing anything unless we are always busily running back and forth.  We no longer believe in the importance of a calm retreat where we sit silently in the shade."  BOOM!  I totally agree and this confirms what I was thinking/feeling during worship.  {Love that confirmation, don't you?}

I am not saying I have this figured out, mastered or conquered this at all.  I'm just saying what I have observed for myself. When I don't feel well spiritually, emotionally or mentally, I'm more likely to sacrifice my physical health as a result.  When I feel out of control in my life {too busy, stressed, etc.}, I will get out of control with my eating as well. Do you do this too?  Are you aware of this?  I just wonder if we are confused about our hunger as we are chasing the wrong things? What do you think?

What Does Your Spending Say About You?

I know this is a touchy subject, but I'm not afraid! I've been hearing a few things about money lately so feel compelled to share this post. Did you know that where you spend your money shows what you truly value? If you spend a lot of money on fast food, what does that say you value? I'd say convenience. If you spend a lot of money on clothes, what does that say you value? I'd say looking good. If you spend a lot of money on philanthropic causes, charities and giving, I'd say you value giving. Do you agree?

So if you are a person who says you value something, does your spending reflect that? For me, if I said I value health and wellness, but spent money on fast food, junk food, pop, fancy coffee drinks, what would that say I value? Not health and wellness, for sure! So, does your spending reflect your values?
We heard a speaker at a church a few weeks ago say something that really convicted me. He was talking about a new car he was going to purchase. He made the comment that he didn't want to spend more on something in his garage than he did investing it in the Kingdom. Ouch. That totally convicted me. {Yes, I might dream of having a luxury car one day. Not sure why, I know that isn't where my worth or value is. It doesn't say much about me except I like nice things? Might not spend wisely? Not sure on that....}

For me, I have found I really enjoy purchasing products that are HELPING someone else. Some of my favorites are: Sak Saum, Vi Bella, Noonday Collection, Trades of Hope and TOMS. There are so many great organizations out there that are employing people in need. Our dollars have so much power! We can help end poverty in the world by choosing where we spend our money.

So, back to yours truly, since I'm going under the microscope here :) What do I spend my money on? I spend it on organizations that help people as I mentioned above. I spend it on Kingdom ministries. We tithe at church and give to various mission organizations. I also spend it on health and wellness. I buy lots of fresh fruits and veggies/month. We are gluten free, dairy free because the kids and I are intolerant. We buy very minimal processed foods. We avoid food dyes and sugars. We eat clean as much as we can. And, of course, Shakeology, the healthiest meal of the day. Yes, I used to balk at the cost and say it was too expensive. However, I have found that after drinking it for almost a year, that our grocery bill has not increased due to it {and I track our spending in excel!} I have also found that our vitamin line item in our budget has gone down. I believe that everyone deserves to take good care of themselves because they have worth and value.

Our family goes to the chiropractor regularly. We eat well, we don't drink pop, we exercise, we drink Shakeology, the kids take vitamins, in the winter, we take elderberry to boost our immune systems. This is our preventative medicine and this is where we choose to spend our money.  

So, now it's your turn.....if we were to look at your bank statement, what would that ALONE, tell us about you? Something to think about, isn't it?

Let's Talk About Failure, Shall We?

The other day as I was getting ready, I realized I was using a mug from a direct sales company I was once a part of.  I did fairly well in the company, was at the leadership level and earned incentive trips, walked across stage for recognition, etc.  Once I had Lauren, I had postpartum depression and decided to not continue doing the business for various reasons.

As I continued to get ready, I noticed the make up brushes I was using were from yet ANOTHER direct sales company I had been a part of.  Hmm, ok.  I glanced around the bathroom and found more memorabilia from other tried business attempts.....monogrammed towels, lotions, and so forth.  My mind started to think about failure.

What is failure?  How do you define it?  Is it trying something and not reaching the level of success you envisioned?  Is it not trying something because you are too scared?  Is it quitting?  Is it continuing to try, regardless of your past?  How do YOU define failure?

To some, I might look like a failure after trying multiple businesses....any guesses as to how many I have had?  It's kind of a joke with Chad and I now, LOL!  Or to some, I might not look like a failure because I have kept going.  The other day as I was mulling this over in my brain, my take away was I am not a failure because each of those business opportunities taught me something about myself. They taught me something about other people.  I learned from them, I grew and changed as a result. Now, I am able to take what I have learned and apply it to my current reality, which I am thankful for.  There's a lot of knowledge up in my noggin' y'all that is just waiting to come out!  It is exciting!

So, what's waiting for you?  What have you not succeeded at {in your eyes} in the past? What have you quit?  What have you been too scared to do?  It is not too late.  Your time is NOW.  What if I let all those businesses define me as a failure?  Would I be where I am now? NO!  Would I have said yes to the current opportunity I'm with?  NO!  Would I be able to share from my experiences with y'all?  NO! So, has failing been good?  As much as the perfectionist in me hates to say it, YES!  It has taught me to get up again and again and again and.....

I love this picture!  I have learned to embrace the saying "Progress, not Perfection," a lot lately.  Is perfection attainable?  NOPE!  Will I always feel like a failure if that is what I'm striving for?  Yup. However, by shooting for progress, my target is more achievable.  And, heck, if I fail, who cares?  It just means I keep trying.  Did I learn something from failing? Sure did.  So, do I want to progress? Yes! Then I need to keep failing!

So, how about you?  What is something you haven't committed to because you're afraid of failing?  Is it money management?  Time management?  Exercise?  Changing eating habits?  A business opportunity, like me? What is it that is holding you back? Identify it, get out of your way and make some PROGRESS!!!  You are WORTH it!  Don't let something from your past that you view as failure affect your PRESENT.  Now, go FAIL!

Dining Out ~ Some Good Choices

I'm currently doing a health and wellness accountability group {if you don't know what this is, please ask me. I'd love to tell you about it!} One of the gals I'm coaching in the group asked about some good choices on dining out. Since it is such a busy time of year, I loved this idea and decided to blog some ideas for you, too! So, here are some good choices when dining out :)


My personal favorite is Panera. Did you know they have a secret menu? Check it out:
https://www.panerabread.com/en-us/mypanera/search.html?q=power+menu

All of those are great choices, I think.

At Culvers, I like the bacon-bleu salad without the bleu. It's got chicken, some bacon, some craisins, lettuce {not the best, but...} & then I do a lite raspberry vinaigrette dressing.

At Arby's, I like the homestyle turkey salad. Again, turkey, lettuce, some fruit, I think. Then, do a lite dressing as well.

Chick-Fil-A, another favorite! I do grilled chicken {either nuggets, or sandwich without a bun} and fresh fruit.

Jimmy Johns has a great option, the un-wich, which is the sandwich of your choice wrapped in lettuce, rather than a loaf of bread. Meat and veggies are great choices.

Salads are generally a good choice, get the dressing on the side and go light on the cheese {or none at all}.  Worst case scenario, you can get a sandwich, take off the bun. As far as sides, fruit is always a good choice! If you HAVE to get fries, get the smallest size you can. Skip the pop and go with water!

That's a start? Where do YOU like to dine at & what do you get?

Why I Did NOT Want To Become a Beachbody Coach

You might find this title odd, but it is true.  I did not want to become a Beachbody coach. Let me share some of my story from the beginning.  When we lived in IL, I was in a networking group with other professional women.  One of the women in the group was the director at a local gym.  She had also recently become a coach with Beachbody. Having been in the direct sales/MLM/work from home business arena before, I was intrigued by the business, BUT had serious hesitations with it. {Yes, I have tried several ventures, but didn't find the right one.....}  My hesitations were I was NOT into health and fitness at all,  I was not a gym rat {my idea of working out was childcare at the gym!}, I wasn't in shape, I didn't like the name ~ when I hear Beachbody, I think of a bikini and I don't wear those, so that was not appealing to me.  It just didn't fit who I was, ya know? Plus, I have had issues with food in the past.

The other parts were I was uneducated on the product line and as to what a coach really does.  I thought the product line would be like every other quick fix product I have tried before.  You know, drink a shake or take some pills, eat the same, don't exercise, don't change the amount of water you drink and expect it to perform a miracle.  Well, that is not the case with Beachbody.  What I love is that they focus on a lifestyle change, not a quick fix.  All of the programs focus on clean eating, the right amount of food groups, calories, and nutrients for your body type. The other big component they focus on is exercise. Exercise is SO important, not only for physical health, but mental health as well. My favorite favorite part though, is the education and accountability.  Being a part of an accountability group on facebook when I did the 21 day fix was life changing for me!  I learned so much about why my body needed what it did ~ in terms of food, water and exercise.  We also had to be accountable for our actions for the day, which is an area I had issues with in the past.  So this component was huge for me and I believe a large reason for my success too!

The other hang up I had was I am not into physical appearances at all.  I was concerned that if I was a part of Beachbody, people would associate me with being vain, wanting to be stick thin, etc.  That is SO not who I am. I am not into that.  What I am into is being the best YOU you can be, I am into taking care of yourself and treating your body like a temple.  I am about promoting positive lifestyle changes, not some fad diet.  Our society does a very poor job of educating us on how to care for ourselves, what we should eat, not eat, how much of what food group, etc.  I want to change that and help people learn what they need!

Having been in sales before, I also know what it is like to sell people a bunch of things they don't really need.  {If I have done that to you in the past, will you please forgive me?  Ugh, I shudder to think about those days, but they are a part of my story, so I accept them and move on.}  With that being said, I am also not into sales.  I don't want to be the person that people avoid because everytime they see me they think I am going to try to sell them something.  Again, that is not who I am.  I am someone who wants to come alongside people and help them reach their goals ~ whether that is to lose weight, make better food choices, tone up, get more education, etc.  I want to offer support, guidance, education and motivation.  My hearts desire is to help people feel good again and enjoy the life they have been blessed with!  So many of us {myself included at one point} just trudge through life thinking this is all there is.  You are tired, burnt out, irritated, sick, irritated, frustrated and just not feeling good.  You don't have to live that way, I promise!  I used to but don't anymore.  If you'd like some help/support/education in this area, please let me know.  I would be delighted to help you!

My motivation is to help.  I want to see people well, energetic and able to embrace their lives. Being a part of Beachbody has allowed me to do that and I am so thankful.  I had to get over some of my personal hang ups, perceptions and learn the facts in order to do that though.  And I'm so grateful I did.

"You Have Failed Your Driving Test....."

I think that is what the woman on the computer said at the end of my driving test after we moved to Indiana.  I don't really remember to be honest.  I was too embarassed.  Too ashamed.  Too sad. Really?  I failed my driving test AGAIN?  Yes, this same thing happened in South Dakota too.  I did not pass my driving test the first time there.  {How is it possible I got a license in IN, IL, WI and then have issues in SD and IN?  I'm not sure.}  I digress.....

So, SD.  My IL license had actually expired when I went in to take my test.  So not only did I not pass that test the first time, I also didn't have a license to drive away with because they took the expired IL one.  For a rule follower, this felt very wrong!  I was crushed to have failed my test the first time.  I am a good driver, after all.  I don't get pulled over, {well, just once in Iowa but the last time I think was in college.}  I don't get into accidents, {the dents in our van were not caused by me, but by the other driver in our home who shall remain nameless.}  I always wear my seatbelt, pay attention and follow the rules of the road.  I SHOULD HAVE PASSED MY BLASTED TEST THE FIRST TIME.  But, I did not.  Talk about a blow to my pride.  So, I repented, studied, prayed before taking the test, put lavender essential oil on my wrist {it is calming} and went in for round two. {About the oil, I believe part of my problem is test anxiety coupled with sensory issues.  When it's loud, there are lots of people around, etc. I don't do well.  That was scenario 1 in SD.  Scenario 2 was a totally different story. I was in the room on the computer by myself, I had headphones, etc.}  And, I passed!  I felt like I had earned my badge that day!

So, fast forward to our move here, in IN.  We get here, get settled, Chad took his test the first few days we were here.  He did not study, the day before he backed into my moms car, got pulled over on the way here, you get the picture....and PASSES HIS TEST THE FIRST TIME.  Really?  Yah, not fair.  He was kind enough to bring me a manual though, which I did study before I went in the first time.  I dropped the kids off to school and headed to the BMV when they opened to be early enough to beat the crowds and hopefully have some quiet!  Easy peasy, walked right in, took my test and was yelled at when I finished "YOU HAVE FAILED YOUR DRIVING TEST."  Well, great, let's just blast that on WLFI, shall we?   I wanted to climb under my chair, but I went to the desk and explained I didn't pass, was given my instructions for round two and GIVEN MY LICENSE BACK! Yippee!  This meant I didn't need to rush to take the dumb test again!  And, I didn't.  I cried on the way home.  {In my defense, I had been under a lot of pressure/stress that week and the whole test anxiety thing didn't work in my favor....}  So, after waiting a good three weeks, I went back in to take the test.  The day before Thanksgiving.  Guess what?  They were BUSY.  It was LOUD.  Eek, I had studied diligently the weeks before and prayed before I went in and knew if I passed this time, it would be all God.  I did ask for headphones, which they gave me and I headed to the computer.  And, I passed!  This was the time I wish I didn't have the headphones on {see, pride there, again!}.  I was SO relieved and thankful to have this behind me!

I will just talk briefly about why I believe this is a flawed system before I get to my take aways here. It doesn't look at the big picture.  It doesn't account for your driving record/history.  It doesn't ask for anything other than random data people can memorize and discard after the test {like yours truly}.  I believe a more accurate test would take those things into account as well, as opposed to some trivia on a computer.  So, there.

But, now, the ah ha's of it all.  I let the fact that I didn't pass my test the first time impact me in ways it shouldn't have.  It affected how I felt about myself.  It told me I was a failure, which is a lie.  My Bible doesn't say that.  Does yours?  For some reason, I thought I was entitled to a license because of my flawless past.  My Bible doesn't say we are entitled to anything based on our past.  We are all saved by God's grace, not anything we can do on our own.   How do we view failure?  I'm reading a great book by Doug Addison called "Personal Development Gods Way," in which he says "I now view failure as a necessary training event that will prepare me for something in the future.  I actually have changed the way that I think so that I am not impacted by failure."  So, what's your take on failure, friends?

The Importance of Self Care: A Changed Life

Last February, as many of you who have been reading my blog know, I did a program called the 21 Day Fix.  I loved it!  {You can read about my story/experience here}.  I loved that I saw changes in 3 short weeks, of course, but more importantly, I love what I learned and how I felt about myself afterwards.  Prior to the Fix, I discovered I had wheat and dairy intolerances.  I had started clean eating a little bit, when I felt like it, but that was pretty much it.  {If I felt like a Blizzard, let's just say the DQ won over clean eating!}  My portions were off, I was an emotional/stress eater, I didn't really exercise {truth be told, I went to the gym for the childcare.  EEK!}  I didn't know how to take care of myself.  In any capacity, really.  Not physically, certainly not emotionally.  I was kind of a hot mess who did a good job of covering it up.  {Just bein' real here, folks!}

However, doing the Fix, I did learn how to clean eat consistently.  I did learn portion control, I learned how to exercise effectively.   By golly, I think I may have also broken my Blizzard addiction!  And, most importantly, I learned how to care for myself.  I learned what I need to be the best Melissa I can be. Ya know who reaps those benefits?  Everyone around me.  Chad, Lauren, Landon and those I interact with on a daily basis.  Have you heard the term "hangry?"  I'm pretty sure prior to the Fix, I was hangry all the time.  I didn't know how to fuel my body, I didn't know I should eat every 3-4 hours to keep my blood sugar stable, I didn't know sugar made me irritable, I didn't know how to be energetic because I was dragging ALL.THE.TIME. from all the JUNK I ate.  I didn't know my food was making me tired, instead of fueling me like it should if I ate the right things.  I didn't know any of that.  I just thought that is how life was and how it had to be now that I had kids.  

Ya know what?  That is a LIE.  A big fat lie!  You don't have to feel run down, lethargic, tired, frustrated, hangry, irritable and annoyed all the time.  You don't!  So, stop it!  See, taking care of myself made me feel better from the inside out.  I had a birthday recently and I'm shocked to say I feel better now at this age than I did in my prime college years!  I never would have guessed that this was possible. There are so many things I'm learning and ways I'm growing and changing and I love it!

When we lived in IL, Chad traveled for work {this was several years ago before I knew about clean eating, wheat/dairy issues and I pretty much lived off of pop, sugar, big pretzels with cheese {yup, daily lunch for 4+ years - GROSS!}, and any other processed crap food I could pummel in my mouth with 2 small kids and a traveling husband.  {Not exactly my prime, ok?}  I was crabby.  I was angry. I was a mean mom.  As much as I hate to say it, I was.  I remember specifically, Lauren waking up too early one morning when Chad was traveling.  I had just gotten up myself, headed downstairs for my morning cup of joe and to have my quiet time when she came downstairs.  I was so angry.  How dare she get up in the middle of MY time?  Why did she have to get up early this day?  I needed something for myself and I didn't get it because she woke up too early.  {See where I was at?  Yah, not good}.  I remember driving her angrily to preschool and thinking "I just need something for myself.  I need to be able to care for myself since I have to take care of my kids.  How do I do that?"  I was clueless, lost, frustrated.  I knew what I needed, but I didn't know how to achieve it.  I felt stuck.  {And, if you know me well, you know I don't get along well with feeling/being stuck.  It doesn't work for me.}

Fast forward to now.  Here we are, 4-5 years later and Chad is traveling again.  {In fact, tonight as I write this.}  But, I'm not that angry mom anymore.  I am able to care well for my kids now because I know how to care for myself.  I know what I need to do to be the best Melissa I can be.  Not just for me, but for my family.  I am a new person.  {There have been some significant spiritual changes that have taken place as well, that are certainly a part of this as well.  I'm not discounting those at all.  I just now know what I need to do to take care of myself.}  I am now unstuck.  I am free.  And, it feels good.

Friends, if you are reading this and you relate or understand where I was at, let me help you! You don't have to do the 21 Day Fix like I did, maybe there is something else you need.  Just let me tell you that your life doesn't have to be that way either.  It shouldn't be that way. Don't keep living like that if you don't have to.  I am living a changed life today and it is awesome. I want that for you too.  You ARE worth it!