One of my favorite parts of our new house here in Sioux Falls is in the ceiling. This is the ceiling over our dining room table. I LOVED our old house in Illinois. Yes, I loved it so much that I have shed several tears over leaving it. I still tear up sometimes thinking about it. It was my dream house - it had everything I ever envisioned in a house & then some. So, it was very bittersweet to leave it.
Don't get me wrong, I like our new house here too. It is beautiful! It is very different than our other house in Illinois, which is hard. I am so good at comparing what this house doesn't have that our house in Illinois had or wishing this house had something it had, etc. You know the drill.
Today, I was looking at the ceiling here & thinking about how often I don't look at it. It is one of my favorite things here but I get so caught up in my day to day life that I overlook this beauty. It made me wonder how often I do that in my daily life. I get so caught up in what is going on around me that I miss what is above me. How many times do I engrossed in wishing I had something else that I forget what I have? How often do I forget to look up & thank God for all He has generously given me? I encourage you, my friends, to look up today & be thankful!
That is a question I often ask myself. If I wasn't home all the time with my kids, would I be a better mama? Would I enjoy my time with them more? Would I be more present when I am with them? Would I feel like I had something for me? A way to interact with adults & use a different part of my brain? These are some thoughts I have multiple times during the week. What are your thoughts? Are YOU a better mama because you work? I love my kiddos & am so thankful for them & to be able to be home with them. I don't want to take that for granted, yet at the same time, I have a need to have adult interaction & use another part of my brain. Thoughts? It's your turn, please:)
From my One Year Bible - "Then, I pray to you, O Lord. I say, "You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life." ~ Psalm 142: 5. May that be my desire for my life!
Ok, I notice something about myself. It seems like whenever I am "working through" something in my life, that comes through in my house. For example, when we lived in IL, I went through a time of cleansing - working through old wounds, baggage from the past, etc. It manifested itself in our home by me doing the same thing there. I was on a kick to clean things out, get rid of what was unused, etc. I thought it was a fluke....until we moved.
Here, I am feeling a bit unsettled, out of place, etc. It is manifesting itself here by me doing things in the house to make it more "me," "like me," "home," etc. For example, I re-organized the pantry to make it pretty today. I want to re-paint because the color that was here when we moved in, isn't "me." It's a fine color, but I don't love it. So, I'm doing things here in this house to make it more "me" so I feel more settled because in my current situation, I feel unsettled & out of place.
Am I normal? Does anyone else do this, too?
Since we have moved to Sioux Falls, I have started doing something new. It's so new, I have only done it one time, but it's some time for me/time to be. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have been so caught up on labels, part of that is also doing rather than being. I have always focused on what do I want to do vs. what/who do I want to be? I heard on Focus on the Family one day a few weeks ago (that is a whole God story how I heard it, but if you want to know, ask me!), that if you are a mom who has lost sight of yourself in motherhood, to hire a babysitter or swap friends with kids one day so you can do things you enjoy doing. Thank you, Focus on the Family, I will do that! It is almost like I needed permission. So, one day/week, both kids are at preschool & I have a whole day to myself! It is awesome - it is quiet, I can get a lot done, run errands, eat what I want & just do what I want to do. It is a bit selfish, but I also know that I need that time. So many times as a stay at home mom, I feel like I'm suffocating, so I'm enjoying knowing I have a WHOLE day to myself once/week for me. Thank you, Lord, for that gift!
I'm not sure what type of season I'm in. I'm sad sometimes & miss my friends & our life in IL. Yet, overall, I know this move is what is best for our family. I am thrilled to be here - I am thankful for Chad's great job that he loves, I'm thankful he isn't traveling, I'm thankful to be close to his family & have so much support nearby! Most of the time, I'm doing great, but some days, something happens & it makes the grieving process more real again. For example, a haircut...or two or three. Yes, I have had three haircuts this week! It was terrible! The first place I went to really messed it up. I'm not sure what she did, but it was not even in the back, there were long chunks by my neck, you get the idea....worst haircut EVER. Which is saying a lot! So, I called a friends stylist who came to our house & attempted to fix it. Overall, it was a good cut, but it was not washed or styled, etc. So I styled it when she left & realized it was still not even. Ugh. So, today, I got haircut number 3, which I think is a winner! But, all that to say, I really wanted to call a friend & say....let me tell you about this terrible cut I got - who should I go to. Thankfully, I do have some local facebook friends I could message, but it wasn't quite the same. I am just missing my great girlfriends in IL & praying to make some here soon too! I'm sure in a few months I will look back on all this & laugh....
So, something happened at our house recently....our internet wasn't working. It has been sketchy since we moved in for about a month & a half, but I finally called & someone came to fix it. I was amazed that one small change with the modem could make it work so well again. This made me think - what is one area of my life that needs a small change in for it to work better? Food for thought, friends....
As we are settling into our new home, new town, etc. (Still looking for a church. If you're a praying person, please pray for connections soon!), I feel a little out of place. I'm used to being super involved, plugged in, connected & knowing lots of people. Of course, when you move, you start all over, so I know very few people here. It has been a challenge for sure, but I'm confident God will provide those contacts for us when the time is right. (Yesterday, Lord? Just kidding...I'm learning patience too!)
I can't help but think about the birth of our Savior during this time of year & his mother, Mary. I'm sure Mary felt a little out of place - being an unwed woman giving birth to the Savior of the world in a stable! It is helpful to know that even when we aren't comfortable, our Comforter is always with us. And, even people like Mary didn't always "fit in." Todd White (another google for you if you are unfamiliar with him. He's an evangelist & is awesome!), spoke at our church last year & said something like "if we are comfortable, we don't need a Comforter." So, I am taking comfort (ha) in the fact that this season is making me more aware of my need for Him & not my connections.
As 2012, draws to a close, I can honestly say I am relieved! 2012 was a rough year for us. It had it's highs, absolutely, but overall, it was very challenging for our family. In December 2011, I was diagnosed by my counselor with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). While this is something commonly associated with war, it can also be caused by other things - loss, abuse, divorce, etc. I'm sure at some point I will elaborate on that, but that was how 2012 started off.
At first, I was relieved - I finally understood what was going on, why I would think or feel certain ways about certain things, etc. It was nice to know what was going on. I have always associated with labels. For example, in high school, I was "involved" - poms (dance team), show choir, swim team, class officer, etc. You get the point. Then, in college, I was a sorority girl - a DG (Delta Gamma). This was my pattern, I would identify with my label & live in that place. However, I didn't want to live in the PTSD label! That is one I didn't want! But it was always in the back of my mind. I worked hard with my counselor & processed a lot & a lot of healing took place. I attribute that to the Holy Spirits work in my life as well as counseling. But I digress....the labels continue....
Our daughter, who is 4, was recently diagnosed with SPD (sensory processing disorder). Google it - it's too much to describe right here, but again, another label for our family! And, another one I didn't want. I'm thankful God led us to Sioux Falls & we found great care immediately! In this journey, we also learned Lauren has wheat & dairy allergies, which is helpful to know. We have been blessed with great providers here who are helping us work with Lauren & the SPD. It's encouraging to see her getting better.
So now as 2012 is wrapping up, I am ready to be done with these labels & hopeful to see what 2013 has for us! Onward & upward!
Hi again, I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted. A lot has happened in 3 years - including 2 major life changes - a baby & a move to a new state! Landon Jacob was born in July, 2010. And, in October of 2012, we moved to Sioux Falls, SD. I thought this blog would be a good way to keep friends & family who are far up to date on us, as well as a way for me to process some of the complex thoughts I have. Welcome back & enjoy!
