God has really been addressing the issue of fear with me. Has it been easy? No. Has it been fun? No. Has it been painful? Sometimes, yet, at the same time, I'm thankful to be able to look back and see how far I've come as well. That's the silver lining, I suppose. I've been reflecting on my life and this concept of fear....when did it start? How did it start? How has it affected me? While this isn't the most glamorous story at all, I feel compelled to share a real life example of how fear physically hurt me.
I was a young girl, maybe 7-10'ish when this happened? I'm not sure of the exact age I was, but in elementary school for sure. I was swimming in my babysitters above ground pool one summer day. I had just learned the art of diving, so was anxious to show off my new skills. {This was after practicing sit dives, of course earlier in the summer and hitting my head on the wall a few times. So, I was good to go by now! Ha ha!}
Confidently, I took my place on the side of the above ground pool. {With my water wings on, LOL! Just kidding!} I got up and took my stance to dive in. I dove off the edge, only to realize mid dive that my dive wasn't perfect and I was afraid of doing it incorrectly. So, I did what any smart child would do. I turned around mid-air and tried to get back onto the side of the pool to start the dive over. I let fear and perfection get in my way. And, ya know what happened? I ended up getting a nice size gash in a place that's not the most appropriate to share about on the internet. If you're familiar with above ground pools from that time, you'll know/remember that they have a metal edge that surrounds the part of the pool you walk on. Do you know what I'm talking about? So, ya, that metal edge cut me. Blood gushing everywhere, sitting on a towel to go to the doctor.....not exactly the highlight of my summer for sure.
The funny thing is I had completely forgotten about this memory. Duh, why would I remember it? Lauren was taking swimming lessons and I saw her do something very similar and viola! The memory came back. She had finished her lesson and it was time for "fun!" where the teacher let them jump in the pool. She wanted to jump in so badly. She was bold, confident and stood on the side of the pool, ready to go. Until it was her turn. Then, she freaked out. She'd start to jump. Then, she'd get scared. We'd pep talk her up. She'd be ready. Then, freak out again. As I saw her sit there and flip flop between jumping and not jumping. It hit me - we ALL do this. We say we're going to do something. Then, we get scared. We may even go past saying it and take a step. Then, we get scared. We might even start. Then, we get scared. The fascinating thing to me is that I knew nothing bad would happen to Lauren. She was safe. The teacher/lifeguard was there, I was there. There were no sharks in the water. What was she afraid of? To be honest, I don't know. But, because I had been in her shoes and have jumped in the pool before, I knew it was safe. BUT, Lauren didn't know it was safe. Look at my story - I was ready to go, I went for it, but what happened? I got scared and stopped mid way. The result was pain. Serious pain and a physical injury. So, what's holding you back? What are you not jumping into because of fear? Think on it today and ask yourself - "is there someone who has done this before me?" Chances are the answer is yes. How did it turn out for them? Chances are it turned out well, on one of the attempts at least. Don't get caught up in fear and let it paralyze you. JUST JUMP!
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