My Experience with PTSD

Yes, I had PTSD. Do I still have it? I don't know. Does it go away? I don't really know, but I do know that some healing has taken place in me over the years. I'd like to share my story with you now, regarding PTSD. I didn't have the most wonderful childhood, due to a variety of reasons that really aren't necessary to get into now. As a result, I had PTSD.

I didn't realize I had PTSD until we were living in Illinois. I had just started life coaching with a gal who also happened to be a counselor {hello, God!}. We started with life coaching, but as she learned more about me, my history, etc. we went from life coaching to counseling, when she diagnosed me with PTSD. I remember telling her "I don't have PTSD, I wasn't in the war." Duh, shows what I knew, huh? Thankfully, she equipped me with lots of resources about PTSD. I eventually came to the conclusion that I did have PTSD and was willing to be counseled for it. Long story short, I wanted to try counseling, no meds, so we went that route for a few weeks. Then, one day, I knew I needed to try meds. {Little behind the scenes info - Chad was traveling frequently for work during this time. Landon was a newborn and Lauren was 2. She also had undiagnosed food allergies and sensory processing disorder at this time. Add a mom with anger issues and you can see the tornadic state our home was in!} So, I tried the meds for 2 days. They made me crazy. Like worse than I already was. By my own admission, I was pretty unstable, so for me to say that is pretty bold and accurate.

So, take 2....enter a holistic doctor and lots of testing. At this time, I was not taking care of myself at all. Stress eating junk all day. Think package of Oreos in one sitting. No exercise. Multiple diet sodas/day. I was not taking care of myself at all. I didn't want to. But, that's another story. So, the holistic doc takes all these tests - blood, saliva, etc. I learned I was borderline diabetic. No surprise, to be honest with the way I was eating and drinking pop, coffee drinks, etc. I remember leaving that appointment feeling encouraged and like I had a lot of vitamins and supplements to take! But I felt like I had some knowledge and a plan of attack, which I liked!

I started taking the vitamins and supplements, and slowly started to notice some changes. Around that time, we had a speaker come to our church, Todd White. If you don't know who Todd White is, I encourage you to check him out. He is amazingly powerful and shared some things I knew but in a way that made it "click" for me. God used Todd White to set a new fire in me, more so in the area of identity. Our church was also offering healing prayer rooms around that time, so I went and asked for prayer for my PTSD. I don't remember specifics of the prayer time, but they did pray that the chains of PTSD would be broken. I believe they were loosened, for sure, if not broken that night during prayer. I was doing well, trucking along, feeling better than I had before, which was encouraging. I also knew that around that time, we needed to move. Chad couldn't keep traveling with the way our family situation was. So, being the head hunter that I am, I began to look for jobs for him! I was on a mission. Specifically, for somewhere warm, but God had other plans! Sioux Falls, SD is warm, but NOT in the winter!

We ended up moving to Sioux Falls,where Chad would not travel for work and built in bonus - his family was there! His family is very stable and there was something comforting about being around family. While we were there, God hooked us up with an awesome mentor couple who came alongside us and helped us work out some kinks in our personal lives, our marriage and our parenting. A very great and deep healing happened in Sioux Falls and we are so grateful for that! Looking back, I believe our purpose in Sioux Falls was for that deeper healing.

As you know {likely}, we didn't stay in Sioux Falls long, because God had other plans for us and brought us to West Lafayette, IN. Ironically enough, this is my "turf," where I grew up, went to college, etc. We are actually attending the church I attended while I was raising support to go on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship in Madison, WI. While I was at this church, God spoke Isaiah 61 over me as my life verse, in regards to the calling on my life. After I finished raising support, I moved to Madison to serve fraternity & sorority students at the UW-Madison through InterVarsity. I was on staff, completely unaware of the PTSD. It was during that time that the Lord brought things to mind that needed healing. Then, we moved to Illinois, where the PTSD diagnosis was made and healing started. Then, we moved to Sioux Falls for deeper healing and now we are here. What I have struggled with the most being home is that the reason I have PTSD isn't because of choices I made, or things I did. Frustrating! A few weeks ago, our church had a healing conference. They talked about physical healing, of course, but also emotional healing. I went forward for prayer and the speaker prayed Isaiah 61 over me and explained the difference between a prisoner and a captive and it all made sense!  A prisoner is someone who has been punished for their own choices. However, a captive is someone who is in bondage because of other's choices.  Do you know how freeing that was for me?  That was what I needed to hear!  I loved it.  God gave the speaker a word of knowledge for me.  And, I received it.  Love it how God works!  This is just a short part of my journey, I'm sure I will share more as I continue down this road.....but, for now, that's a wrap!