I'd Like to Introduce You to My Dad, Jerry.....

I'm not really sure how or where to start this. As I've been thinking about it in my head, I've had a couple of different angles come to mind, so we will see where this goes.  I assume that most of you have had the pleasure of knowing both of your birth parents.  You've known who they were, what they were like, what qualities of theirs you had, etc. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I'm guessing. Your parents might be divorced, but you still have likely known where {or who} you've come from. However, I didn't have that privilege/honor/situation {not sure what to call it} growing up.

See, my "real" dad died when I was 2.  And it wasn't a death to cancer, a terrible disease, a car crash, etc.  It was a murder. My father was murdered when I was 2.  There was lots of speculation, I'm told around his death, but that's not what I'm writing about.  However, due to the speculation, I didn't grow up with a very clear picture of who my father was.

To be honest with you, I'm not sure I ever wanted to know who he was. I'm not sure why, it just didn't occur to me, I suppose? But, with us moving back to Indiana, being close to where he grew up, where he went to school, and having a great friend and mentor encouraging me to find out who he was, I decided to go for it.  I think, to be honest, I was scared. I was scared of what I would hear. Or wouldn't hear.  What people would say he was like, or wasn't like.  I was afraid to know who my dad was.  I suppose it was more comfortable to keep things the way they were, ya know?  But, I eventually decided to go for it.

Where to start, that was the question?  With my dad being an only child and his parents being gone, there weren't a lot of family contacts to start with.  I did, however, have his fraternity paddle from his days at Franklin.  Being a sorority girl myself, and that was comfortable, I decided to start there. I sent an email to the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity headquarters and explained I was looking for information on my father, who was a brother and has passed away.  I was thrilled when less than 24 hours later I got the most kind email from someone from their office.  She included several email addresses for me as well!  YES! My search was off to a great start!  I then sent emails to those I had emails for from Lambda Chi and started to get responses!  All of the brothers were very sorry to hear of my dads passing, and again, were very helpful in providing information about who my dad was. I reached out to a few more contacts and here is what I've learned about my dad. Based on those kind, generous and compassionate folks, my dad, Jerry Hurley was:

* Jovial
* Friendly
* Reasonably smart
* Easy to be around
* Happy
* Proud of his family and his business
* Loved people
* Willing to help
* Smiled a lot
* Caring
* Everyone liked him
* Good hearted
* Very involved
* Popular
* Well respected
* Kind
* Always tried to do the right thing
* A good man
* A great friend
* An entrepreneur

Huh.  Who does that sound like?  To be honest, I see a lot of myself in that list.  Do you have any idea what that is like? See, growing up, I always thought I was a certain way because that was the opposite of how I was raised.  For example, I'm a perfectionist. My mom is not.  I thought I was a perfectionist because I went the other way. Does that make sense? However, after this journey of self discovery about my dad, I realized that isn't the case at all!  I'm ME because I'm like my dad, who I never had the pleasure of knowing.  See, he's a part of me!  I just didn't know it because I never tried to find out who he was, what he was like, or what qualities of his I have.  The interesting thing is my dad is left handed.  Guess who else is left handed?  Not me!  Lauren is. When we discovered that, I knew where it came from!  I think it is so great that part of him lives on in me and in her!  I find that super redemptive! Thanks for taking time to hear more about my dad, Jerry.  I wish you could have had the opportunity to have known him, too.