What do we do with hurt? Our hurt? The hurts of others in our lives? Our spouse? Our children? Friends? People in our church? Neighbors? It's an interesting topic, if you really think about it. So, pause and think about what we do with hurt? When a friend tells you about a sibling who died? That is their hurt. But, how do you respond? Do you ask them about the sibling? Or, do you ignore it and hope it goes away?
Today in our Sunday School class, we had a great Spirit-filled conversation and we talked a little about this. One of the women in the class lost her husband recently and was sharing her struggles with the recent ice storm and the decisions she had to make. How she felt alone - alone to pick up the mess of branches, alone to make the decisions in how to have the branches removed, the financial decisions she had to face alone. She shared that after her husbands death, someone said they were praying for her. She replied and said she thought no one remembered her anymore. She felt alone. People rarely ask her about her husband, people rarely mention his name, people rarely ask her how she is doing since his passing. Her loss seems to have been ignored as time passes. However, from hearing her talk today, her pain is still very present and real.
Our teacher, who lost a son as well, shared that she felt the same way. People often don't ask her about her son, or share stories. She said she would love for someone to tell her a story about her son, or ask her about him. Would she love to tell people about him, yes! Would she cry, yes! But she doesn't want him to be forgotten.
So, as I've been pondering this, it's made me ask what do we do with hurt? If we ignore it, why do we do that? Is it because we have so much hurt of our own that we don't know what to do with others? Is it that we don't want to add more hurt by asking? Is it that we are uncomfortable with hurt and don't know how to handle it? Is it a combination of all of the above? I think we like things pretty,not messy, we like peace, we don't like pain. Yet hurt is messy and painful. So, I think we avoid it, our own pain and others as well. We don't walk into pain with others because it brings up the mess and pain that we try to avoid in our own lives. People avoid it by work, busyness, food, drink, drugs, gambling, internet, shopping, the list goes on and on about ways people mismanage their pain. So, when someone comes along and has pain too, it is too much to "take on," so we avoid it. We ignore it and change the topic, or we pretend we didn't hear it, or, the list goes on and on.
What's the take away from this? There are a few:
1. Walk into your own pain and deal with it. Is it hard, messy, yucky and unpleasant? Yes, but it is all for good. The only way to be whole is to deal with the pain and walk toward healing.
2. When someone shares their pain with you, walk with them into it. Be there for them, ask questions, listen, let them feel "safe" to share with you and pray for them. Prayer is a powerful tool we have, friends!
While we can't fix pain or take it away from others, we can be available and accessible to walk through it with them. I think when we do that for others, it not only blesses the one who is hurting, but it blesses us as well.
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