Ch-ch-ch-changes....Are A Comin'!!

Truthfully, I'm not sure where or how to begin this post, but I do know that God gave me a download this morning and I need to process it.  Funny thing is, God speaks to me when I'm doing things. {Maybe because He knows slowing down is a struggle for me, but I'm working on it.}  This morning as I was making some banana blueberry muffins for my family, He spoke.  So, here goes my processing of what He said.

Let me rewind a bit for you, so we have the whole picture here.  For the past few weeks, I have been in a funk.  Not sure why until now. Perhaps it was the reset, I've thought?  Or summer?  Or no margin for me, which I DESPERATELY need?  What is it that has had me in a funk?  I've been unable to put my finger on it until now.  It's been to the point where I have been looking for part time jobs. That's usually my first key that something is "off."  See, it's easy for me to justify working ~ it would be good to work part time, be out of the house, have a "place of my own," have boundaries from home/separation, something to DO.  Yes, I'm a coach and I love coaching and believe it's been a great fit for me for the time being, but like I said I couldn't quite put my finger on what was up.  As I've looked for jobs, they have been too confining ~ full time, no thanks, I don't want or need to work full time currently.  Part time ~ there are very FEW part time jobs that 1. are flexible {think hours of 8-12; 1-5.....I have children to drop off and pick up at school people!} 2. that are a good fit for my skills, abilities and passions. Which leads me to the realization that my theory of working part time doesn't match my current reality.  Then, I feel stuck.  Ugh. Melissa doesn't like to be stuck.  If you know me well, you know that is true.  

A few weeks ago, I started to read a phenomenal book by Lara Casey about fear. It's called "Make It Happen: Surrender Your Fear, Take the Leap, Live On Purpose." Highly recommend it!  One of the exercises in the book makes you list your fears.  One of the ones I listed is "fear of missing my life." To be honest, I don't know where that came from, but I wrote it down and didn't really think much of it.

Fast forward to yesterday, I came home from teaching Cize Live and started to work on my facebook like page.  As I was working on it, I could feel the irritation rising, but didn't know the root of it.  The irritation continued throughout the day and Chad and I had a nice long talk last night about where I'm at, what I'm doing, what I feel God is calling me to, etc. To be honest, I don't know....there are a lot of question marks right now so I'm pressing into Him and asking Him to show me His plans for me and my life.  

I think part of it too, is come fall, I will have 2 kiddos in school full time, which will be a first for me in 8 years.  I think that's an underlying part of all this.....There is a goal I've wanted to hit for sometime now that hasn't happened that has me frustrated, I think I am learning I care more than most people do about themselves, which is frustrating because you can't make people care.  So, there are all these tiny little irritations adding up, it seems.  And, of course, that fear of missing my life........

So, now that we have the backstory covered, this morning as I was making muffins, I heard God say "you are afraid of missing your life, and your fear of missing your life is making you miss your life," or something to that effect.  WHOA.  See, I'm striving so hard and working so hard on all these goals and things that I can't control, and they are kinda making me miss my life.  In my spirit, I know I need to have better boundaries and be more focused during work time.  I need to be INTENTIONAL. A plan needs to be in place for me to follow and get the "a priorities" done so that when the kids are awake/active/home/ready, I'm all in.  I want to be fully present and engaged with my family, but haven't been.  And, that is my own fault.  I've been too worried about missing something online and in someone else's life, that it's taken away from my own.  Ouch. These are hard words to type.

So, now that the realization/awareness is there, what do I do with it?  That's really what matters and makes the difference, right?  Is that the action is taken in the direction we want to go.  Since accountability is key with anything we want to achieve, I'm writing out the following and asking you, my friends, to please hold me accountable for these things:

* I am committing to not spend as much time on social media/my computer each day.
* I am committing to set office hours and work in those pockets of time.  They will be morning before the kids are awake, a check at lunch/afternoon time, and after they are in bed.  If you message me, please know I will reply in 24 hours.
* I am committing to not be a "johnny on the spot" reply type of person anymore!
* I am committing to being more present for my family and friends in person than I am online.

Anyone else struggle with this, or is it just me?  Thanks for helping me with this, friends! We need each other in this life, don't we?

In closing, this quote from Mother Teresa has been showing up a few times and it's resonating with me.  This:

Let's Talk About Fear.....What the Heck Are We So Afraid Of? And, Why?

Can I just be really real, honest, transparent and vulnerable with you?  If you've said no, go ahead and stop reading, it's ok.  My feelings won't be hurt, I won't be offended.  I'm sitting here in tears this morning.  Know why? Because of fear.  I am grieved by how many people let that stupid f word hold them back from living.  In so many ways!  {And by f word, I mean fear.....hope ya know that!}  I know because I've been there.

God has really opened my eyes in the past few months to 2 things that have held me back from reaching my potential for Him.  They are shame and fear.  Ironically, "fearless" was my word for last year.  "Unashamed" is my word for this year.  Yet, there is still so much fear in me I'm realizing. Here are some of my fears, to be really honest {see, here I go!!!!}

• Fear of leaving the house with things out of place.  Why does that scare me?  Not sure, maybe it's more of control and not wanting to come home to a mess?  Still processing that one.
  
• Fear of what people think of me.  This is big.  I don't ever want to be "that girl." Who the heck is "that girl," anyway and what did she do to anyone?  Part of what God is showing me is to be ME.  For someone who has had identity issues for most of her life, this is new for me.  But, I am learning that He has made me with a huge heart to help people, with a heart for business, with a desire to see lives transformed by Him and His power, but also by food and nutrition . Our bodies are temples for His glory, after all, so don't we need to learn to treat them as such? But why don't we?  For me, my issues were fear and shame {this may be another post, friends, I'm digressing here}. Back to what people think of me....I am His child, passionate about helping others be their best selves.  I'm not going to hold back from posting who I am or what He has called me to.  Learning to accept that if people don't like me or my posts and choose to unfollow me, that is ok.  I'm not here for their purpose or glory, but for His.
  
• Fear of my success being selfish.  This is a big one for me.  Still praying and asking God to reveal the root of it.  Work in progress here!
  
• Fear of not being liked/approved.  Yup, people pleaser in remission here.  Pretty sure I'm aware of the cause/root of it and have worked and will continue to work on this.  I do think that the core, everyone does want to be loved and accepted, right? {Maslow's hierarchy of needs?}
  
• Fear of the loss of control.  Now, this one is just dumb, I know because I'm not really in control!  Yet, I feel {ugh, those feelings are deceptive, friends!} that when my "ducks are in a row" and I'm prepared for the next thing, I am.  When that isn't the case, fear rises up.
  
• Fear of the unknown.  Ugh, this might go back to the control issue mentioned above.
  
  So, now that I have bared my soul here, what are some things you are afraid of? I'm learning to ask myself "where does this fear come from," and "what is the WORST that could happen if these fears happened?" Normally, it isn't that big of a deal, in the worst case scenario.  The root of the fear is the hurdle it seems, because that's work. It's work to go back and figure that out, there might be pain involved, but from someone who is starting to come out on the other side of the fear, it's so worth it!
  
  If you struggle with fear, I recommend the book "Make It Happen, Surrender Your Fear, Take the Leap, Live on Purpose," by Lara Casey.  Life changing, friends!  Please don't let fear hold you back from being all God called you to be and all He has for you. "It is for FREEDOM He set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not LET YOURSELVES {it's a choice, my addition here....} be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  ~ Galatians 5:1.
  
  What is slavery?  "A condition compared to that of a slave in respect to exhausting labor or RESTRICTED FREEDOM."  Not sure about you, but restricted freedom sure doesn't sound like what Jesus came to give us, does it?  Step out of your fear friends, I'm doing it right alongside you as well.  It's time to get the noose of fear off of your neck and WALK IN YOUR FREEDOM, without shame, without guilt, without fear. Let's do this!!!  {Phil. 4:13}
  
  Blessings,
  Melissa

Looking At A Home Based Business, or Way to Earn Income From Home? Can I Help?

Hiya!  Are you looking to build a home based business, or a way to earn income from home?  Can I help?  You might be thinking "well, you've had how many businesses, how can you help?"  Exactly.  I have done several different businesses and offer a unique perspective of things to consider before you decide.  They say "make your mess your message," so hopefully my mess will help you!

It might be helpful for you to know some of the various businesses I've tried.  Are ya ready?  {You might need to take your socks off to count on your toes too, LOL!}

                   

Mary Kay
Taste of Home Entertaining ~ trip earner, top recruiter for the company, Director status
Send Out Cards
Jockey Person to Person
Initial Outfitters
Boresha Fat Burning Coffee
Neal's Yard Remedies

There might be more, if there are, I honestly forget at this point, ha.  I've been a Team Beachbody Coach now for 2 years and if I had known then what I know now, I would have joined this opportunity much sooner.  Here are my tips/things for you to consider:

1. Does the business model fit my life? Meaning how do you share the products?  Is it at parties? Through social media?  If social media, do you have to take a lot of pictures to upload?  What does the company encourage you to do to share the products and the business?  If it is a party plan model, does that work for this season of your life with your family and other responsibilities?  Definitely think that through.  That is ultimately why I stopped with Taste of Home Entertaining.  I had a newborn baby and was nursing, so being gone for hours at parties in the evening wasn't conducive to our lifestyle at that time. {Post partum may have had something to do with that as well.}

2. What is the mentality of the company? What is their focus?  Does their mission and vision align with who I am and what I am about?  If not, it would be wise to consider what you like about them and why you are attracted to them.  This is key, in my opinion. "Everything rises and falls on leadership" as Bill Hybels says.  It's true.

3. Is the product something people need &/or want?  That's a key question to ask.  This will help you determine who your market will be. If you love a product, but your friends and family don't, who will you share with to get your business off the ground?  {A lot of times, we start with family and friends and branch out from there.}  It's important to look for something that there is a need/desire for in peoples lives.

4. Is this a product that people will continue to order, or is it a one and done type deal? Another important question to ask.  Is it a business that will generate reorders?  Is it a consumable product, that people will use up and need/want to get more?  There are lots of products out there that people just don't need a lot of.  Once they have it, they have enough. So consider that as well.

5.  Price point.  Is the product affordable for those I know?  Another thing to ponder.  :)

6. Is the product something I believe in and am willing to share?  This is also crucial because you are going to hear "no."  However, when your mission, vision, passion and belief in the product are solid, it doesn't matter. You keep going!  Trust me, been there, done that! You could also ask "is this something I am passionate about?"  If the answer is yes, that's a good sign!

7. Ask and think about things like inventory. Do you keep product on hand and have to send it out?  If so, do you want and are you able to spend a lot of time at the post office? If you have inventory, how much does that cost?Will that cost be a deterrent to others from joining you?

8. Start up cost and other fees.  How much does it cost to join?  Is it something that most people can afford, or could work to afford in a short time frame?  What are the recurring fees, if any?

9. Company return policy.  If people order and don't like it, are you responsible for that? Or does the company take care of it?  All of these details and little questions are so important.

10.  Training.  What type of training will you receive?  It's important to have a solid foundation laid as you start a business, as well as opportunities for continued growth.

What other things are important to consider or ask, do you think?  Did I miss anything?  If you have questions or I can be of help, please let me know.  At the end of the day, my best advice is pray about it, do your homework and talk with your spouse about it.

Blessings,
Melissa

How Riding A Bike Brought Up FEAR In Me, Yet Made Me Feel Alive

A few months ago, our daughter learned to ride her bike without training wheels, which is a pretty big deal!  It's also special because one of her friends from school helped her to learn how.  As a mama, it's been great fun watching her "get it."  Watching her embrace her fear of getting on, falling, yet getting back up and going again.  I have loved every minute of it.

Yet, it's funny how becoming a parent has brought all these fears out in me.  See, I used to ride bikes when I was a kid.  But, one time I had a pretty bad crash.  It let fear set it and deter me from riding again.  Until, the one time Chad and I were camping with his family and I decided to try again. Picture me, not having ridden a bike in years {due to fear}, trying to ride again.  At a campground. On a dirt hill going up.  In high heel sandals.  You can probably picture how this went.  {And, I don't know why I was wearing heels camping?!}  So, I got on the bike, rode up the hill, quit pedaling, got to the top and literally fell over on the bike.  It was great.  Yet, once again, fear with a bike was created and I haven't ridden since.......Until, our sweet daughter asked me to ride with her.  I tried using the "I don't have a helmet" excuse for about as long as I could, then just bit the bullet.

With a new helmet in hand, my excuses were gone.  A few weeks ago, we went to a local park with trails.  I posted this picture on facebook and asked friends to pray for me.  I secretly hoped the saying "it's like riding a bike," were true.  Only picturing the times I rode the bike successfully without injury! {No, that's not my Ninja Turtle one!!}

I prayed as I got on the bike and told my daughter to lead.  And, lead she did, with me following behind.  But, I did it!  It was exhilarating to get over something that held me back for so long and just DO IT!  It was amazing!  As we were riding, my heart was filled with gratitude and thankfulness for so many things.  I felt ALIVE.  Like really alive and it was incredible!    I was so thankful for the opportunity to have this experience with our daughter and do something together active that we both enjoy!  It was truly a win win and there are many more rides in our future together!  Friends, my advice to you is this ~ If there is something you are fearful of, do it afraid!  Don't let fear continue to control and shackle you, as it did me.  You've been given a life, so go LIVE it!!!

Thoughts On Giving Up Coffee On The Ultimate Reset

So, a few weeks ago on facebook, I posted this picture. 

It's the Ultimate Reset I ordered, which is a 3 week program.  The goal of it is to get the inside of your body in great shape, to give it a reset. That includes doing things like reclaiming your body, releasing unwanted compounds that hold our bodies back {think toxins, pollutants, chemicals, etc}, and restoring the digestive system.  {Which 80% of your immune system is in your gut, so I want mine restored, please!}  However, the struggle I have with it is eliminating the coffee. Let me explain.

See, part of me thinks "it's only 3 weeks, I can do anything for 3 weeks. To get the full flavor/results/impact/effectiveness of the program, I should cut out coffee."  Ok, so that's one camp. The other camp is over here saying "it's not like you're going to cut out coffee forever, so why bother? It's only 3 weeks. You can get a low acid coffee and use that. You will be fine."  Then, I go back to thinking that's not following the full program though and I want to prove to myself I can do it.  See, the struggle is real!

Then I get into the whole "you've given up so much as it is, why give up coffee?  Coffee is like the one thing left, ha!?"  We have cut out wheat and dairy due to food intolerances and with clean eating, there's not a lot of junk food we eat anymore.  That's totally fine because I don't like it anymore and don't really miss it either, so that's not a big deal, it's just the idea of something being taken away, ya know?  

So, that's where I'm at.  Still haven't decided what I'm doing on the coffee yet, but will let you know. Ugh.  Why does it have to be so hard? Is it possible it's an idol to me?  I've been trying to think through and really pray about what coffee means for me, what it does for me, etc. And, maybe that's it.  Maybe it's an idol.  Not sure....but ya know I will update when I know more!

Thanks for letting me process this.  I'm an external processor, so this is helpful!!

Summer and the Reality of My PTSD

Yes, I have PTSD.  As much as I prefer to say I HAD, the reality is I still have it and sometimes it is apparent.  Other times, it is not.  I do believe God has done a mighty healing in me with the PTSD and I have learned to manage it well with nutrition and exercise, however, I do still get "triggered." This reality hit home this week through some various situations that surfaced.

My kids got out of school for the summer this week.  It's been a rough week,  My husband is just getting over bronchitis and our daughter seems to have caught some of it from him. She doesn't have bronchitis, but she has this nasty cough that's been around for a few weeks.  Our oils, natural remedies and medicines haven't helped much.  So, that's frustrating.  There has also been a lot of sugar involved with it being the end of the school year {don't even get me started on that...that is ANOTHER blog post, friends!}  Monday, it all kind of hit the fan after I picked the kids up at school. Our daughter also has food allergies, and I believe the combo of being tired, sick and having something we shouldn't have food wise led to the rough evening we had.  Behavior was out of control, she was irrational, it wasn't a pretty evening at our home.

The next night, it was our son's turn to throw a 45 minute fit.  That was fun too!  Oh, and I forgot my husband had been gone all weekend, so add that to the mix as well!  Good times here....So, husband being gone all weekend, sick child, lack of sleep, 2 45-60 minute tantrums back to back, all the week of school getting out.......nice, huh?

I posted that Tuesday night on facebook something about dreading summer.  Because at the time I was.  Routines are important to me, as are schedules, I also need margin, time to myself, quiet and some time when people don't need something from me.  See, all of that changes with summer.  I love my kids dearly and of course would do anything for them, but the reality is I have PTSD.  And, it sometimes rears it's ugly head when I am triggered. What are my triggers?  Well, unfortunately, sometimes, my children.  See, conflict is one {they tend to fight more after extended amounts of time together...hello, summer!}, lack of margin is another {hello, summertime!  Granted, there are camps, etc., but it's not the same as the school schedule}, noise is another one {the house is much noisier when they are home vs when they are at school,  usually it's yelling...see trigger #1.} So, as you can tell, summer is more challenging for me.  And, I just realized why this week.

After my post on Tuesday night, another friend posted something about it being a pet peeve that people post dreading summer with their kids.  As friends continued to comment on it, someone said "how unloved those kids must feel."  This brought up a lot of emotions in me.  I was angry, hurt, upset, but most of all I felt misunderstood.  It also made me feel like a bad mom, because most moms do enjoy their kids being home {I do too, don't get me wrong, but I am also more triggered then as well.}  After praying about responding or not, I decided to let it go.  The reality is it's not a black or white situation.  There are lots of factors in everyone's situation, I think. Personality being one {of moms and kids both}, what activities are planned for the summer, what the routine looks like, if the mom feels called to be home or to work, see, there are so many factors to consider including several I didn't write that it's not so clear.  Do my kids know I love them?  You betcha they do.  Am I a bad mom because I struggle in the summer and it's hard for me? I don't think so,  I think it makes me human. Personally, I am thankful God showed me this so I can make progress in these areas.  After all, knowledge is the first step, right?  Now that I'm aware of my triggers, I can hopefully manage or diffuse the situation.  

The other emotion I felt from that post was injustice.  It's not my fault I have PTSD.  It's no one's fault they have PTSD.  In fact, I felt God saying that to my spirit all day on Tuesday, "it's not your fault."   Even if it was my fault, or I thought it was, God came to set me free from shame/guilt/condemnation, whatever it is.  He did the same for you too. 

So, friends, anyone else struggle with summer?  Let's hear some tips of what works well for you and your kiddos in the summer. Would love to get some fresh ideas!  Thanks!

Mother's Day 2016: Why I'm Glad I'm Not Her Anymore

With Mother's Day being tomorrow, this blog seems appropriate. Mother's Day hasn't been a stellar holiday for me in previous years. Part of that is due to my expectations quite frankly, being unrealistic, and the other part of that has to do with me and where I have been.  Let me explain.  The pictures taken below are from Mothers Day 2012, when we were living in Illinois.  Lauren was 4 at the time {just turned 4 the month prior} and Landon was 1, going on 2 in July. And, I was the captain of the Hot Mess Express then!  While many parts of those early years of my kids lives are a blur, due to my mental state, I do remember this day.  I also remember that the outfit I was wearing was something I bought myself on my weekend away.  Yup, I was having such a hard time adjusting to motherhood, my children, life, etc. that my wonderful husband let me go away {locally} for a weekend to take some time for me.  It was a gift, to be honest! I remember staying in a hotel by myself, eating meals by myself, where I wanted, having coffee, journaling, praying and shopping. However, looking back now, it grieves my heart. It makes me sad that due to where I was emotionally and mentally that I needed to take that break, that I needed that time.  Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with taking time for yourself at all.  In fact, I'm a huge proponent of it!  However, in my case, it was because I was about to break. {Looking back, I believe this is right before I was diagnosed with PTSD.}  That Mothers Day, I remember wondering why I was so sad when I had so much...a great husband, beautiful, healthy children, a great church, wonderful friends, a nice home and life was really good {or should have been!}

As I look back on these pics from 4 years ago, I am so thankful to not be that woman anymore!  Granted, I am still that woman, but because I have changed so much, I don't feel like her....does that make sense? Guys, this is so embarrassing to admit, but I was in such a low place that my thoughts were not good.  I was an angry mama filled with much rage, anger and not loving life.  My heart wasn't thankful and it was not a good spot, but it was dark and full of darkness.  To be honest, I didn't like being a mom.  I loved my kids and thought they were great, I just didn't think I should be the one responsible for them.   Those days were dark, filled with anger, rage, self hatred and I spent a lot of time crying and miserable.  {It sounds like I was depressed, doesn't it?  Realizing that as I write now....} See, the smile is there and it looks like all is well, but inside, my heart, my mind, my emotions were not in a good place. Was I still attending church then?  Absolutely!  Going to a small group? Very consistently.  Reading my Bible?  Daily!  Praying?  Daily!  So, what was going on?  How could I as a Christian, who was doing all the right things, have all this inner turmoil going on?  

Well, I have some thoughts :)  One is my wounds were not healed.  I had been to counseling, yes.  For years!  But my wounds still weren't healed. I had to let Jesus come in and clean me up.  That meant I had to admit what was going on and what was wrong. It meant having to deal with things in the past that weren't pretty and that I didn't know how to process, handle, sort out, etc.  It meant having to WORK to get better. It meant having to show up and do things I didn't WANT to or FEEL like doing.  It meant doing what my counselor told me, even if I thought it was dumb.  {This was in Illinois, prior to our move to South Dakota.}  

As we were moving, Lauren had some health things going on - turns out it was sensory processing disorder and food allergies to wheat and dairy.  So, in the midst of me having PTSD and meeting with a holistic doc and getting a boatload of supplements {due to PTSD, but also being pre-diabetic and lacking in vitamins and minerals}, we needed to change our families diet due to the allergies. So, lots of changes going on here, but it was all good!

After we got to South Dakota, we got plugged into a great church and God connected us with an awesome mentor couple.  Again, we had work to do in our healing...we had to meet with them, go through a workbook and DVD series; it wasn't just meeting for lunch and/or coffee to talk about the weather.  It was deep, we talked about past wounds, generational curses, word curses, etc.  It was work and it was a process! But, through that process God began to heal our hurts and give us more freedom!  It was {and still is} awesome!

Sometime after that, I started to change my nutrition.  I had cut out wheat and dairy, yes {turns out I am intolerant too!}  I also started the 21 Day Fix, and learned how to eat clean, how much to eat of what types of foods and how to exercise effectively.  Shakeology was also a part of my routine.  For the first time in a long time {maybe ever!}, my body actually got the vitamins, minerals and nutrients it needed!  It was an amazing feeling.....my energy was amazing, my mind was clear, and I was at peace.  My body was nourished and no longer getting all the chemicals, additives and junk that is added to our "food" these days. For the first time in my life, the anxiety was gone, the anger was gone, I was a new person!

So, if you ask why I'm so passionate about clean eating and our bodies getting what they need, this is why.  God showed me the other day I'm passionate about things/experiences that have transformed me ~ the Greek System {I became a Christian through DG}, Purdue {again, where I got saved}, Healing Prayer {where God set me free from SO many things!} and health/wellness.  I sincerely believe that Jesus + the 21 Day Fix have brought me so much freedom!

So, as we head into another Mothers Day, my heart is at peace knowing I'm not the same mama I was in 2012.  I remember her and hurt for her, but am thankful to not be her anymore.  Happy Mothers Day to all the mamas out there!  Enjoy your day and be blessed!

Because of Him,
Melissa