2016: The Year of Loss. With Every Loss, There is a Gain....

As I've been thinking on the past year for the last few days, I realize 2016 has been a year of loss. However, that sounds dramatic and kind of sad, to be honest. The Year of Loss. Yikes. But, at the same time it is true. However, God is faithful and reminded me that with loss comes gain. The gains might not look how we want or be what we want them to be, but His Word says "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. " ~ Philippians 1:21 So, here, the author is saying dying is gain. We might consider dying a loss, verses a gain. Again, loss comes with gain....I'll explain.

It would be easy to focus on the loss of my dad this year, since that was a significant event for me in 2016, however, as I looked back over the year, there were other losses as well. And, of course, gains.

* We lost our preschooler this year, and gained a kindergartner.

* We lost our second grader this year, and gained a third grader.

Those are natural losses, that come with gains that are a sign of progression. Those are positive losses because you know what is next, it is expected. It might hurt some to think of your babies growing up, but on the other side, that's the goal of parents, to raise their children so they grow up and become thriving independent adults. So, the grades are a natural progression. For us, they are happy milestones of accomplishment for our kiddos.

An unexpected loss for us this year was God's call for us to change churches. Nothing happened with our old church, and we still love that body very much. God was calling us to worship in our community. That was a loss that came with a gain as well. We lost one body and gained another. While it is clear that God called us to a new body of believers, it also involved some tears and some grieving, as we love those people in that church and the people we had built relationships with.

Another surprising loss I've just become aware of is kind of personal, but with me doing Core de Force in November, I lost my desire for programs that don't push me!  See, I've thrived on programs that allow me to go through the motions and not really challenge me, however, doing Core de Force changed that for me.  I've gone back to doing a program that isn't as challenging and I miss my challenge!  So I've gained endurance, strength and momentum with my fitness and have lost some desire for not challenging myself.  Never thought I would say that, friends.

The final loss that happened this year was the loss of my dad in September. That's been an interesting journey to navigate. While we know he is in a better place and he is whole and healed, it still hurts. Our loss was heaven's gain, however, my mom and I are developing a new relationship now. Relationships are changing, those could be considered gains as well, I suppose.  

I think those are the big losses that have occurred this year.  But at the same time, if I only focused on the loss, I would miss the gain.  And that feels and seems hopeless.  I don't serve a God who is hopeless though, I serve a God of hope.

If this has been a year of hurts, losses and pains as well, friend, my encouragement to you is to ask God what He has for you in that. He is a good Father and has our best interests at heart.  So many times instead of asking God what He wants for us, we get mad at Him, ignore Him, block Him or turn away entirely. See what He has for you.  "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  ~ Romans 8:28
Here's to a great 2017 ahead!

How Riding A Bike Brought Up FEAR In Me, Yet Made Me Feel Alive

A few months ago, our daughter learned to ride her bike without training wheels, which is a pretty big deal!  It's also special because one of her friends from school helped her to learn how.  As a mama, it's been great fun watching her "get it."  Watching her embrace her fear of getting on, falling, yet getting back up and going again.  I have loved every minute of it.

Yet, it's funny how becoming a parent has brought all these fears out in me.  See, I used to ride bikes when I was a kid.  But, one time I had a pretty bad crash.  It let fear set it and deter me from riding again.  Until, the one time Chad and I were camping with his family and I decided to try again. Picture me, not having ridden a bike in years {due to fear}, trying to ride again.  At a campground. On a dirt hill going up.  In high heel sandals.  You can probably picture how this went.  {And, I don't know why I was wearing heels camping?!}  So, I got on the bike, rode up the hill, quit pedaling, got to the top and literally fell over on the bike.  It was great.  Yet, once again, fear with a bike was created and I haven't ridden since.......Until, our sweet daughter asked me to ride with her.  I tried using the "I don't have a helmet" excuse for about as long as I could, then just bit the bullet.

With a new helmet in hand, my excuses were gone.  A few weeks ago, we went to a local park with trails.  I posted this picture on facebook and asked friends to pray for me.  I secretly hoped the saying "it's like riding a bike," were true.  Only picturing the times I rode the bike successfully without injury! {No, that's not my Ninja Turtle one!!}

I prayed as I got on the bike and told my daughter to lead.  And, lead she did, with me following behind.  But, I did it!  It was exhilarating to get over something that held me back for so long and just DO IT!  It was amazing!  As we were riding, my heart was filled with gratitude and thankfulness for so many things.  I felt ALIVE.  Like really alive and it was incredible!    I was so thankful for the opportunity to have this experience with our daughter and do something together active that we both enjoy!  It was truly a win win and there are many more rides in our future together!  Friends, my advice to you is this ~ If there is something you are fearful of, do it afraid!  Don't let fear continue to control and shackle you, as it did me.  You've been given a life, so go LIVE it!!!

The Great Cleaning Debate....

This has been a hot topic in our home on and off for years....to hire a cleaning person or not? Here are some of the reasons to NOT hire a cleaning lady, discussed between Chad & myself:

1. If we have someone else clean our home, does it teach our children to rely on other people to take care of things?  This was one of our arguments {in this document, names will be withheld to protect the innocent, LOL!} The concern was by hiring someone to come in and do our cleaning, we are not modeling to our children how to take care of their own things.

2. With me being a mainly stay at home parent, couldn't we save the money on cleaning and have myself do it?  

3. In this season of life with young children, the house is rarely clean.  Once it is clean, it quickly becomes unclean because we live here! And, children are messier than the adults in the home :) Does it make sense to invest the money to have the home clean to have it quickly undone?

Now, the other side of the argument ~ the reasons TO hire a cleaning person:

1. Our time is limited.  I have been putting what used to be my limited amount of free time {while Landon is at preschool, just a few hours/week} into working on my online health and coaching business.  I didn't want to be spending all of my time when I am home cleaning.  That doesn't seem fair to the kiddos.

There is something to be said for asking for help.  We realized that trying to do the cleaning ourselves was also teaching our children to not ask for help.  It is ok to ask for help and we want to model that for them.  There are other ways to teach them to take care of things.  It seems to be a balance of taking care of things, and also learning to ask for help, and being ok with both.

2. Yes, I could do the cleaning, but as mentioned above, I have added a new responsibility to my plate.  For me, that means also taking something off.  For everything you say yes to, you have to say no to something else.  Trying to do all of these things was stressing me out a bit.  I also personally enjoy supporting other small businesses.  This cleaning business helps support another family and I am thankful for that opportunity to help them.

3. Ultimately, for this one, the peace of mind of having the home clean was worth it.  Yes, it is going to get messy regardless of if we clean, or someone else does.  We can use this opportunity of having a clean home to teach our children to be good stewards of the money we just spent on having our home cleaned.

These are just some of the thoughts and conversations we had regarding hiring a cleaning person. Am I glad we did it?  HECK. TO. THE. YES!  Would I have done it if I didn't add the coaching to my plate?  I don't honestly know.  Likely not.  Because of my coaching business, we have chosen to use some of that money to hire the cleaning person.  I am thankful we have.  

So, friends, would love to hear your perspective on this topic.....I really did wrestle with it but am grateful for the place we arrived with it.

The Interesting Thing About Grief....

I have been grieving the past 10 months. Grieving over loss - loss of our home, loss of our old routine, loss of familiar, loss of eventually, Sioux Falls.  This includes all of our friends, family, church home, etc.  The interesting thing about grief is it can come out of no where.  I remember one day being at a Hy-Vee on the opposite side of town from where we have lived.  {Remember, we moved into an apartment on the OTHER side of town?}  And, I just wanted to cry because my old, familiar Hy-Vee was gone.  Silly, I know, but grief.  Hits out of no where.  Things like that have been happening a lot on this journey.  Things I didn't think I would grieve over, I have.

I'm also finding that the old "coping mechanisms" I used to hide or squelch the grief aren't as effective as they used to be.  I used to be able to think about something happy, something I was excited for, something that would take my feelings off of my true feelings/emotions at the time.  Ya, tried that during our last worship service at church.  It didn't work.  I had to feel the grief. The sorrow.  The sadness of loving these people we have known for less than 2 years and poured into, as they have poured into us, to know we won't be seeing them as often anymore.  The pain of loss.  It stinks, friends, it does.

I think the hardest thing about this move {we have moved around A LOT, as you may know!} is that for the longest time it felt so uncertain where and when we would be going somewhere.  We knew it was coming, but the details were unclear.  When you don't know when or what is coming next, there's not much to be excited about.  When you're not excited about the next thing because it's unknown, you have to feel the feelings about the present situation.  My old coping mechanism was to be so excited about the new house.  I would look online, start decorating, arranging furniture, planning ahead to avoid the feelings I was feeling.  I would also look up information on preschools, churches, everything I could so that I could not feel the sadness associated with the loss of community we were leaving.

But this time, I couldn't do that.  I had to sit in the unknown for so long and just feel the sorrow.  Feel the grief, feel the pain.  Yuck. Even now, since I'm going "home," I don't need to do all that research. So, again, I sit with the feelings.  Grief is hard, y'all.  But, I do know once we move, get settled, find a church, etc. the community component will come.  Thank goodness for technology so we can keep connected to those we are leaving behind in Sioux Falls.  But it still hurts and grief is still hard.

Homeschool or Not Homeschool?

If you have been reading about our life adventure over the last 10 months, you will know I have been homeschooling our kids in preparation for the move.  The long term plan has been to homeschool them until we move and are settled in our new location.  {Depending on where we landed, of course!}  Now that our destination is known, I am surprised at the mixed feelings I am having thinking of NOT homeschooling.  {Am I strange or what?}

See, I've not really considered myself a "kid person."  I'm more of a "business person," "adult person," "productive, don't like to be interrupted type of person."  That's been the hardest part of being a stay at home mom for me ~ the lack of productivity {in my eyes} and the continual interruptions.  I really enjoyed the times I've had when the kids were in school so I could run errands, clean the house, make ahead freezer meals, etc.  You know, accomplishing things!  So having a "never ending summer" has been somewhat of a stretch for me.  I've learned a lot, I've grown a lot and for the most part, I think it's been good for our family.  I'm somewhat sad to think about Lauren being away all day again and I'm somewhat sad to think about Lauren and Landon not being together all day.  But, I also think the time apart might be helpful for us all.

I guess I am just surprised I feel this way.  Part of me wonders if this is about me liking a challenge and wanting to see how homeschooling would be in a home, settled, without all of the other things we have had going on.  The things I originally worried about with homeschooling {socialization, etc.} haven't really been a problem.  We have been blessed to have playdates with friends who also home-school or on non-school days for them, so we have certainly been able to keep up with friends. All in all, it's been a good experience.  For now, the plan is to send the kids to Christian school when we get to Indiana.  I'm open to homeschooling if for some reason the adjustment to school doesn't go well, it isn't best for our family, etc.  So, I guess as with all things, we take it one step at a time and see what God has for us.

His Ways ARE Higher Than Our Ways....Lessons Learned & Staying Sane

While we were on our journey, I told a friend we had been in this "waiting season," for 9 months. Her reply was "perhaps it is a type of gestation period," a birth of some sorts.  Interesting thought. Actually, out of curiosity, more than anything, I googled the number of weeks it was from when we learned the news and decided to look elsewhere to the day Chad got the offer.  Any takers on amount of time?  Um, 40 weeks and 3 days.  HELLO GESTATION PERIOD.

The other interesting thing that happened during the last "trimester," if you will is prophetic words spoken over us while we were in Illinois were starting to make sense. In fact, one night, Chad and I both remembered the same word and shared how Purdue made sense with that word.  Things spoken over us 4 years ago were coming to pass.

Moving to South Dakota was instrumental for us.  Chad and I healed in many ways.  We were healed of things we didn't even know needed healing.  God did a mighty work in us during our short time here.  I believe that is why we came here, because God had a greater purpose for us.  His ways are higher than ours, remember?  We are leaving here whole and secure in who Christ made us to be.  If we hadn't gone through that healing journey here, we wouldn't have been able to do what we have been doing the past 40 weeks.  Prior to this, the unknown, uncertainty, living in a tiny apartment, etc. would have given me either a panic attack or a heart attack!  But not now!  I am changed.  I am healed.  I am whole.

What I find the most interesting is that when Chad applied at Purdue seven years ago, I really, really, really wanted to be there.  Our pastor at the time said "you have no idea how good life could be if you would let that go."  I did let it go and decided I didn't really want to go back.  I was fine being away. Not that I didn't like it there, not that I don't love my family, but there are things from childhood that have happened there that are hard.  Sometimes life is hard.  Sometimes, things happen that hurt. Some experiences leave you wounded.  But, you can't run away from them.  {Yes, I would like to, ok?}   Sometimes, the best thing to do is walk into them, holding Daddy's hand.  As Pappaohey Island says "do it afraid."  So, I'm doing it afraid, because I believe God has a great plan for our lives. He is the God who restores, heals, and mends the broken hearted.

The other cool thing about God is that the whole time this was going on, I just desperately wanted to know where we were going.  However, looking back, if I would have known we were going to Purdue this whole time, I wouldn't have been ready or likely willing to go.  It took us going through this gestation period to be ready to go.  To trust it was God's plan for us.  The other cool thing about God's timing is that I can now see I wasn't ready to go back to Indiana 7 years ago.  But, I am now.   So, let's do this!

While I am nervous, I am excited for the great plans God has for us in Indiana.  I have no idea what they are, but I know they are going to be wild, they are going to be great, they are going to be full of Him.  {Jesus Culture.}  Thank you, for being a good God to us.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention how I stayed sane during this journey, especially since I was asked that question on facebook :)  So, here are some ways I stayed sane on this long journey:

1. I had daily devotions.  I would wake up at 5:30 before the family to read, pray and spend time with Jesus.  This is vital!

2. I was consistent with my food intake and exercise.  This was another benefit to being up so early - I got my exercise in before people needed me :)  {In the beginning, Turbo Fire was great for getting some aggression out, however, now I'm doing PiYo.  It keeps me grounded and I'm tired, LOL!}  I am so thankful for the 21 Day Fix I did in February.  It ended my vicious cycle of stress eating!  I was a stress eater, so I'm sure I would have been bigger than a barn had I not done the Fix in February.  It truly changed my life.  Perhaps it was a control thing - I was able to control something? Either way, I am thankful I was able to stay on track with my nutrition and exercising because of what I learned doing the 21 Day Fix.  

3. I had regular massages.  I took care of myself.  Some people call it a luxury, I politely disagree....for me, it is self care.  I did get pedicures too, I will call those a luxury :)

4. I continued to meet with people who encouraged me in the journey.  With everything going on, it was easy to be down, so it was important to meet with people who could lift me up.  SO SO SO thankful for my church family at Sioux Falls First!  I continued to go to Bible study, and of course, we continued to go to church as well.

While I could not control my situation, I could control myself.  That was the only thing I had control of!  I guess to sum it up, I took care of myself ~ spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and socially.  This is something I am passionate about, so let me know if I can help you take care or yourself, too. 

His Ways ARE Higher Than Our Ways....Part 5

So, of course things had changed for us!  Out of sheer desperation of not finding a job after almost 9 months of looking, Chad reached out to his contact at Purdue.  {Of course, earlier in the week, I had noticed a posting there and prompted him to reach out.  Not really because I wanted to be there anymore, but because it looked like a good job, we knew people there and at this point, it wouldn't be terrible to be there.  Remember, we have been in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment as a family of 4, while homeschooling!}

They had a nice chat and she told him more about the role, as well as some other opportunities he could look into.  Some at Purdue, some with other contacts she had elsewhere as well.  The job they discussed that he would be the best fit for happened to be closing in a few days, so he needed to apply quickly, if he was going to.  Reluctantly, we applied for it.  {Not because it was Purdue, but because it wasn't what we envisioned.  I elaborate more in tomorrow's post.}

Around that time, I had been having some strange dreams that I believe were from God preparing me and my heart for this move.  Dreams about people and places in my past that had been significant.  It was interesting, yet freeing.  My mentor and I also processed some of these things and some of the feelings I felt surrounding our move.  I felt stupid that we sold our house and moved without knowing where we were going.  I felt let down by God that He hadn't provided a job yet.  I felt frustrated and was really starting to doubt.....

As my mentor and I processed and prayed through these things.  I saw a picture of myself standing in a field of flowers.  They were white and beautiful.  I was free ~ holding my arms open wide.  I was happy.  But, I noticed the flowers were white and I wanted yellow flowers.  It was that day I knew we were going to go to Purdue.  You see, when this journey originally started, I wanted to go somewhere warm, tropical, sunny and with a beach.  Somewhere where we could be outside year round, somewhere where we could have a pool.  You know what I'm saying?  Not the midwest!  And, certainly not that close to "home."

Shortly after the image of the flowers came to mind, I had an outburst of anger during our homeschool day.  So much so that I started stabbing the homeschool book with children's scissors.  I was mad at God for taking us back to Indiana, I was mad that it took this long, I was mad that we weren't in our house, I was mad that I was homeschooling, I was just mad.  At everything.  That outburst was on a Friday afternoon, and wouldn't you know it, that Sunday at church, we had a guest speaker.  He talked about Moses, and how he responded in anger towards the Israelites and as a result, missed part of the blessing God had for him.  Get the picture here?  I am Moses, my children are the disobedient Israelites and I am responding in anger?  It was true of what was going on in the walls of our tiny apartment.  Then, he proceeded to talk about how Moses repented and led his people to a land he didn't want to go go.  WELL.  HELLO!  I understand!  I am Moses and I am going somewhere I don't want to go.  Thank you for the warning!  That Sunday, I knew in my spirit, we were going to Indiana.  While I had felt hopeful about the other jobs Chad had applied for, I could not say I knew we were going there.  This was different.

A few weeks after this, Chad had his interview at Purdue.  Did I mention that it was the same department and the same people he had interviewed with 7 YEARS BEFORE?  Yup.  Truth.  See where this is going?  He had his interview, it went well and we learned it was down to him and 1 other person.  HELLO, it's the same song and dance we have been through this whole time!  He is in the final 2.  We also learned the person who was also interviewing worked there currently and had been there for quite some time.  We knew Purdue liked to promote from within, so when he shared this information with me, I knew if God wanted us there, it would happen.  He interviewed on a Thursday, got home on a Friday.  He was told that they hoped to make a decision by Monday.

Monday came and went.  Nothing.  Discouraging, really.  We had been down this road so many times before, waiting to see where we are going.  Is this the one?  Will this get us started on our new life? It gets depressing after a while, honestly.

Tuesday came and about 1:30 in the afternoon, Chad called, saying he had an offer from Purdue!  I knew it.   We were Boilermaker bound!  I had mixed feelings about it, to be honest.  Thankful it was over.   Relieved we FINALLY knew where we were going.  Happy to be out of limbo.  Sad that the other opportunities didn't work out.  Grateful the other opportunities didn't work out.  Weird about going "home" as an adult.  Not sure what to expect.  Not sure what it would be like to live in the same town as my family.  Just a lot of uncertainty.  And, a lot of sadness about leaving our friends, family and church home here.

LESSONS LEARNED, COMING UP NEXT........

His Ways ARE Higher Than Our Ways....Part 4

We lived with Chad's parents for about a week, then decided him being in the car 2 hours a day wasn't worth it to our family.  So, the search for an apartment began.  Thankfully, we found a place quickly and moved in a week later.  4th of July was the move in date, so we were off and running.  We moved into a great place on the west side of town with a swimming pool, so the kids were thrilled with that.   The hard thing is it was a small place, 2 bedroom apartment, so the kids have been sharing a bedroom.  Remember in my previous post when I said all of our things were in storage?  Yah.  That was kind of a problem.  We were able to get the bare minimums out - beds, couch, tv, table and chairs, etc. but the rest of our things were well packed, labeled, taped up and placed who knows where in our large storage unit.  So, a quick trip to Wal-Mart was a necessity to get what we needed - you know - plates, cups, utensils, shower curtain, etc.  It was like we were camping....the never ending summer! LOL!  {That explains why I am still wearing flip flops....all my other shoes are in the storage unit!}

What came up in me that I wasn't ready for was the grieving.   I was grieving over my home, I was grieving over my things being locked up in storage, I was grieving over acclimating to a new side of town, new grocery stores, only to have to do it again once the REAL move occurred.  Talk about emotions!  On top of the emotions/roller coaster associated with the job hunt.  Chad got an email saying they would like to interview him.  High, great!  I start looking into the city, schools, houses, etc.  He has said interview, then we wait.  Wait to know if he advanced to the next round.  He didn't advance?  Sad.  Ok, let's keep going.  If he advanced, he goes on the interview, then we wait.  You see the cycle - high, low, low, high, high, high.

This cycle continued all summer!  As school began to approach, we didn't know what we would do. There were 2 jobs Chad was really interested in.  Since he was a finalist for both roles, we both went to the interviews at the end of July.  They were hoping to decide soon, so we would know where we were going before school started again.  We were hopeful we would be out of Sioux Falls and in our new city before then.  We had to be - there were 2 great jobs!  In fact, one of them, we knew he was the top choice going into the process, so we were certain we would get an offer from them!  When we were there for our interviews, I learned the woman who would be his boss is a sorority sister, so he is a shoo-in, right?  Not so much.

Looking back on both of those jobs, I can say God intervened.  We should have ended up in both cities, if not just one.  With the job mentioned above, the President of the hospital did not like any of the candidates, so wanted to start a new search.  However, had the woman who would have been Chad's boss been able to decide, we would have been there.  {This is the kind of stuff we kept running into.}

Then, the other particular job, the one he skyped with the day after the sewage flood, remember that? Well, this whole process started in March.  They had 400 candidates, narrowed it to 10 or something crazy like that for the skype, then 4 they brought in for the in persons, then the final 2.  Chad made it from the list of 400 or however many there were to the final 2.  Our trip there was lovely, such a darling city!  Great job, great people, it was a great match!  We were there at the end of July and they too, were hopeful to decide before school started.  We learned the day that Lauren should have started school, {oh, did I mention that at this point, we decided homeschooling would be best, since we knew we would be moving?  We didn't want to start the kids in school for a few WEEKS, only to pull them out and start over.  So, yah, I have been homeschooling in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment!  Interesting.} that Chad did not get the job.  The recruiter said it was the toughest race he has ever seen in all his years.  It came down to one small tally mark, which is something Chad had no control over {see, once again, this obstacle......}

We were crushed.  We thought for sure this was it.  It had to be.  The woman in the interview even said "I don't know how this will shake out in the end, but I would love to see you here."  When Chad told her what happened at work, her reply was "you gotta get out of there, I understand why you are looking."  So, we were surprised to say the least when we learned he didn't get the job.  But, then, there was hope.

Hope.  Something you desperately want when you feel like you have none.  Hope that things will work out the way you envision/hope for.  Hope that the situation you are in will come to a close soon. For us, it was the hope of being out of limbo.  We had been in limbo around 8 months now and we were tired, we were weary, we were losing hope.

Chad, being the wonderful, humble man that he is, reached out to the woman who said she wanted him there.  They developed a good rapport during his interviews so he sent an email explaining he wasn't tied to a title, or a role, but felt it was a great organization and he would like to be a part of it. Long story short, the woman called him and they chatted about some possibilities of what could be. We were hopeful that this was it! That this would work out!  It wasn't the job he applied and interviewed for, but it was a job he could be excited about, with people he liked, in a great organization and in a wonderful location.

The woman, who would have been his boss had he got the original job he applied for, explained to Chad that the person she hired would be coming into town this week.  She would like to visit with him and get his input, as Chad would be reporting to him, rather than her.  {I know, it's confusing}. So, we held out hope all weekend that this would work.  We prayed for favor for Chad with this man and hoped for the best.

On Monday, Chad got an email from this woman saying the person she hired would like to wait until he got there to decide anything.  {Back track, he would be arriving on October 13.}  Hope crushed AGAIN.  We certainly understood.  Of course, he would want to hire his own team.  He didn't know Chad, he was a random.  Made sense to us, but it still stung.  We thought for sure this was God's way of redeeming the situation.  But, He had something else in mind.

What you need to know about me is that I am a hard core Boilermaker.  I LOVE Purdue.  Always have, always will.  Perhaps it's because I had such a great college experience there ~ I got saved there, made some of my best friends there, I just loved it!  All of it.  Since Chad and I met in Madison, WI 11 years ago, I have wanted to live in or near Purdue.  In fact, Chad tried SEVERAL times to get a job there.  I can think of at least 3 times he interviewed there, if not more.  The thing is, he should have gotten the job EVERY time.  I'm not just saying that, either.

The first interview he had there was with the School of Veterinary Medicine, before we even had kids.  The second interview he had was for the College of Engineering.  I'm not sure on the third one. The point is, each time he made great connections there and built great rapport with some contacts there.

In fact, shortly after we moved here 2 years ago, one of the women he had interviewed with reached out to him again, asking if he would consider going there now.  At the time, we weren't interested as we had just settled in here.  They did talk and left it as if something changes with me {Chad}, he would be in touch again......

TO BE CONTINUED........

His Ways ARE Higher Than Our Ways....Part 3

So, that Monday we had the showing, which was great....both kids at school, a great reason for me to go sit and veg at the coffee shop!  As I pulled into the preschool to pick up Landon at 11:15, my phone rang.  It was the realtor, asking if the couple who saw the house earlier could come back and see the house again.  Sure, I thought.  This will be a great opportunity for Landon and I to go have lunch somewhere before going home.  And, the house is clean!  WHOOT!  We ate our lunch and headed for home.  As I pulled onto our street, I saw they were still there.  An hour later.  Good sign.  I drove around the neighborhood for another 45 MINUTES until they were finished.  I knew then, we were getting an offer.  And, we had nowhere to go.  Great.  Ok, God, another great opportunity to trust you!

Low and behold, we got an offer that day.  Great news!  They wanted to close at the end of June. Perfect!  That gets us through the school year.  We really wanted to be able to finish school well for our kids.  One less pressure - a sold house!  Before, we have always sold AFTER we moved, so it was refreshing to live in a SOLD house while we waited for a job.  Plus, we knew when we moved, we could buy right away, so that was good too!

As time continued to go on, Chad continued to interview.  They were all great interviews, very promising feedback.  If he didn't get the job, they had good reasons for him not being "the one."  We were still hopeful.

School ended, I bawled through kindergarten graduation, knowing we wouldn't be back at that school next year.  It was hard.  I still didn't know where were going, but we had sold our house!  Eek.  Not good for this type A, planning, sequential woman that I am.  But, I was trusting God.  

Summer started, interviews kept going and we still didn't know where we were going.  Chad had an interview in the south that seemed very promising and the timeline was in sync with ours.....we would be out of our house at the end of June, could move in July and be settled in time for school to start.  After 5 LONG months, we were hopeful and excited about this location.

BUT, it didn't come to pass.  Again, they had another good reason that Chad wasn't "the one," yet it didn't line up with what was communicated in the interview.  Seriously?  Grr...talk about feeling led on.

So, the search continued and June came and went......

During this time, it became apparent that we likely weren't going to know where we were going when we moved.  Our hopes of relocation and professional movers were gone.  We had to start packing ourselves.  See, the previous times we have moved, we have had professional movers.  That tends to spoil you - to have a few people come into your house and just pack it all up for you!  Yes, please!  Reality set in that this would not be the case.  Oh well, we started to pack and continued to search.

Our closing was set for June 27, so a few weeks before we decided to check into temporary housing options. Chad's parents were an hour away so we thought perhaps we could live with them for a short while as we waited to hear back on these jobs he had been interviewing across the country for.  We ended up moving in with them on June 25.  

Moving in with in-laws meant all of our things would be in a storage unit because we wouldn't need all of our things, right? That day, I pulled into the driveway and saw storm clouds and heard thunder. I had the last of the things we would need for our short trip with them in the back of our van.  I decided I better unload before it started to rain.  I was unloading fast and furiously to beat the rain and I think I did.  I got everything in the basement.  Phew.  But then I looked outside at the rain.  And, you know what I saw?  Not just a little rain.  A FLOODING rain.  My inlaws backyard looked like we were in a river.  I have never seen anything like it before!  The front yard was just as bad.  Then, you know what started to happen?  Their basement flooded.  Yes, the same basement I had just put our things in.  Oh, and it wasn't just rain.  It was sewage.  Yes, we had just moved into a sewage infested basement. 

Chad was still at work, an hour away, so when I called to explain this to him, he thought I was nuts. It was sunny in Sioux Falls.  He was in the car on the way to his parents, exclaiming that even 10 minutes away, it was dry.  He thought I was exaggerating.  Then, he got into their town.  He tried to turn onto their street and couldn't, as it was covered in water.  He parked about a mile away and hiked through the water with his pants up.  What a sight!

He got into the house, changed clothes and started helping his dad haul things out of the basement. Their fridge and freezer were full of food they didn't want to lose.  Chad was hauling beef to another town to store in a relatives freezer at 10 pm that night and he had to leave at 6 am the next morning to get the cat out of our home we were closing on the next day.  {Yes, I forgot to mention in the midst of our move, our cat was stressed out and started peeing blood in boxes.  Apparently when cats get stressed, it inflames their bottoms and causes them to pee blood...aren't you glad to know this?}  So, stressed out cat was stuck in the rafters of our basement and wouldn't come down the day before when Chad went to get her.  So, we left her there overnight, hoping she would come out the next day, the day of our closing.  Oh, and he also had a skype interview for a job he really wanted the next day. Nice timing, eh?

Long story short, we all got to bed late that night, Chad got up early to drive to Sioux Falls to get the blasted cat down {thankfully she came down and we could leave her with Chad's aunt in town so he didn't have to take her to work for his work day or skype interview}.  His day went well, skype interview went well and we were thankful it was the weekend......

But, our time with his parents didn't last long.....

TO BE CONTINUED.........

His Ways ARE Higher Than Our Ways....Part 2

As I mentioned in my previous post, we were planted in Sioux Falls, thinking this was "it" for the long haul.  A place to put down roots.  One fall day in 2013, Chad got an email saying the President of the Foundation was leaving to take a new job out of state.  We were saddened by this news, as this man was a man of integrity, a kind man, who Chad admired and was excited to work for and learn from.  He and his wife actually ended up being our neighbors, so I got to know his wife as well.  She is just as kind and wonderful as her husband.  This was a bit of a shock to us personally, and to those who worked with Chad at the Foundation.

Initially, we were hopeful, thinking that Chad's direct supervisor would be promoted into the role and Chad could be promoted into her role.  Wishful thinking.  Instead, a big leadership change occurred that didn't benefit Chad or his boss in late December {right before Christmas}.  In fact, quite the opposite.  I don't want to speak badly of anyone or anything, so let's just say some people Chad's industry called this a "vanity hire."

As the news soaked in, we became more uncomfortable with the decision that had been made as well as the ramifications for our family.  Chad didn't feel he could do what he was hired to do with all that was going on internally.  So, the search began......

We were hopeful and optimistic as the job search began.  Contacts that Chad had made from previous job searches were reaching out to him, interviews were scheduled and we were hopeful and optimistic this would happen quickly and be wrapped up in a pretty bow.  After all, we had prayed about it and felt led to go on.  God wasn't telling us to stay, in fact, the opposite.  So, hopes were high, jobs were applied for, interviews were set, we were off and running!

We were so hopeful it would happen quickly that we put our house on the market before we knew where we were going!  While I wasn't 100% in favor of the idea, I thought it would be a good opportunity to walk by faith.  We didn't have a for sale sign in the yard, as we didn't want the kids to know we were moving until we knew where we were going and with the anxiety Lauren had last time, we tried to be proactive and avoid that.  So, let's get this straight - Chad and I know we are moving, but we don't know where.  We have our house on the market, and the kids don't know.  We had a stager come in to stage the home, so the kids may have thought something was up, but they were cool with the changes we made.  Thinking back, I'm not sure how we handled the interview component with them, but it must have been ok.

Chad had in person interviews in Iowa, Illinois, Virginia, California, Georgia {more than 1 city}, and various other places as well.  Phone and skype interviews were all over the country!  It's funny, when this first began we were very selective about where we would consider going and what areas would be off the table.  However, as stress got worse at work for Chad, we were less selective.

One Friday night into the process, {May have been March or April}, I started crying and told Chad we needed to take the house off the market.  I couldn't have it on the market anymore without knowing we had a new home lined up.  We agreed to talk and pray about it over the weekend.  Well, that Sunday night, as I was mopping the floor, I got a text from a realtor who wanted to show our house the next morning.  Perfect!  I had just mopped the floor and it was for a time when both kids would be in school, so that was easy!  Problem is, Chad and I were so excited about the showing that we didn't follow up on the Friday night conversation we had had.....

TO BE CONTINUED.......

His Ways ARE Higher Than Our Ways....Part 1

The words from Isaiah 55:9 are SO true.  Sometimes, I like them.  Other times, I don't.  Want to know about our journey from the past 40 weeks and 3 days?  {Off topic, but when you hear 40 weeks, do you think of a gestation period?  Like a full term pregnancy?  Just curious......}  Step into the window of the last 40 weeks of our life.....

Actually, let me take you back before that.  We moved to Sioux Falls, SD in October 2 years ago for a new job for Chad.  Prior to this, we were in IL, where he was in fundraising for the University of IL.  We loved life there - we had a great church, great friends, nice neighborhood, lovely home, good neighbors, etc.  Life was good.  BUT.  It's a big but....one that we would move 11 hours away for. Chad was traveling for his job.  When you have 2 children under the age of 4, that gets exhausting and is hard on the family.  After talking, praying and talking more, we decided to start looking for new opportunities that did not involve travel.  Low and behold, there were 2 in Sioux Falls, SD.  {Which is actually about an hour from where Chad grew up.  So, in a way, it was like coming home to him.} He applied for the jobs, interviewed in July and we were headed this way in October.

It was a rough time for our family.  The day we put the for sale sign in the yard, Lauren started vomiting every night and not sleeping.  It was misery.  We were all exhausted and frustrated with our situation and not knowing what was going on with our little girl.  The Saturday before we moved, the clinic there in Illinois made an exception for her to have an endoscopy that morning so she could be seen before we left town.  Talk about stress.   {Praise God for His provision with that, by the way!}  Some great girlfriends from our small group came and prayed with us before we moved.  The word and picture they got from the Lord was "Lauren will be a different child once you get there."  They then saw a picture of our family walking across a bridge and things were fine.  Our daughter would be healed!  {We later discovered after our move that she had sensory processing disorder and food allergies, which were causing all of this in her little body.}

So, endoscopy done, boxes packed, Sioux Falls here we come! We thought we would be here for the long haul.  Chad was in a great organization with some great leaders who he was excited to work with and be mentored by.  We found a great church, more great friends, good neighborhood, lovely home, good neighbors, etc.  We were really enjoying life here.   Lauren was in school, loving it and doing well! {We went to OT for her sensory issues and she was like a different kid once that happened, along with changing her diet!  Remember the picture our friends had prior to the move? BOOM!}  Life was good.  We even joked that we could retire in our current home as it was a ranch! We were planted......

Then, things changed.....

{STAY TUNED FOR PART 2, COMING SOON.}

So, this happened yesterday....

We took the kids shopping this weekend for some new clothes.  I'm amazed at how quickly they need new clothes!  They must play hard because their clothes are beat up!  {Yes, even Lauren!  I think the knees in her pants are more worn than Landon's, to be honest.}

While we were shopping, she said "mama, can I get this scarf?"  as she shows me a pink scarf she had selected.  I looked at the price {it was cheap} and said "sure," not giving it much thought.  Then she said "now, I can be like you, mama."  In that moment, it was like the weight of the world hit me.  I realized how much of what we do is "caught, not taught."  I have never told Lauren what she could and could not wear.  I have never suggested she get a scarf.  I have been more of a "here are some nice choices for you, do you like any of them/"  Then, I let her choose what she wears.  I am not one to imply/force/choose for her.  I make suggestions, but she has the final say {within reason, mind you.  She is only 6.  I don't expect this to be the case as she grows!}

All that to say, I realized how EVERY. LITTLE. THING. I do impacts my children.  The way I live my life, what I say to people, what I do, what I say, down to what I wear.  It gave me pause to sit back and think about what I am modeling for them.  So, what am I modeling for them?  How is what I do impacting them and their worldview?  To be honest, it is quite daunting, overwhelming and somewhat scary to think about. This is why I need to lean on Jesus and ask for His guidance in parenting.  I'm flawed, broken, and can't do this in my own strength, but I know I can in His.  Parenting is a tough gig, isn't it friends?

This is my prayer for us today ~ "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."  ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

My "mini me" with her new scarf, my shoes and purse!

Update....

Hi all, I realize it's been forever since I have written.  What can I say - life has been full, we have been a little under the weather & just lots going on.  My apologies!  Here's a quick update since September for you:

September was good, I was on a leadership team for a retreat with our church for a weekend which was awesome!  God showed up in a powerful way & met the ladies which was great!  At the end of the month, I went back to Illinois to see my girlfriends there, which was a blast too!  I love those girls & it was so great to see them after being gone for almost a year.  All of them have either had a baby or gotten pregnant since we left.  Many of them with their 3rd!  If we stayed there, I may have felt the pressure too, lol!

October was also good, what immediately comes to mind is Halloween.  And, my mom came to visit too. The kids had a blast, Lauren was Cinderella & Landon was Scooby Doo.  Landon didn't get to trick or treat {lost that privilege} so he stayed home with Chad & handed out the candy.  {Which he loved!}  Lauren loved running around the neighborhood collecting candy from the neighbors.  It was fun to see her come out of her shell as she got more comfortable.  By the end of the night, she could have gone solo.  {Not that I would have let her, but.....}

November was great - Chad & I had our 10 year anniversary, so we renewed our vows.  It was an awesome, special day with our family!  Lauren was a flower girl, Landon was the ring bearer & our pastor officiated.  Our mentors were there as well, so it was a nice intimate ceremony followed by brunch at the Pancake House.  I've been fighting off a sinus infection, so that's crummy, but I'm getting better, so that is good!

I continue to love my job & be a part of what God is doing in women's lives worldwide.  This week we had a fundraiser to raise money for one of our artisans in Haiti for a new home.  I'm blown away by God's faithfulness & feel so humbled to be a part of what He is doing there.  I LOVE it!  I love being a part of Vi Bella jewelry.  {www.vibellajewelry.com}

God's up to more, but I will have to share that later.  This is more of a quick update since it's been so long.  Hope all is well in your corner of the world too!  Happy Thanksgiving!

An update in the life of us....

Well, our oldest has started school and it is very interesting around here.  I'm finding that getting up and out the door before 8 isn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Really.  I was worried about doing that 5 days a week, and it has been ok.  {We were doing preschool at 9 am 3 days a week last year, so this seemed like a stretch.}  I think we are all adjusting pretty well.

Our little guy misses his big sister during the day, but I think we are enjoying some one on one time together.  {We both are.}  I also enjoy when school is out, the house is full of playing together and happiness to see each other, not fighting.  It is nice.

Personally, I also enjoy that I have some "me time" during little man's nap.  {Thus the blog updates!}  It is a nice routine for us all, I have to say.  I did hear last week that when a woman has children ages 0-4, those are the most pressing times during her life.  Why didn't I know that when both kids were in that window? That would have helped a ton!!

So far so good, to school! :)

Rockin?

I was thinking of titling this post "how to rock it as a mom," but then I realized I have no idea how to rock it as a mom.  I know how to rock other things, freezer cooking, facebook, laundry, for example, but motherhood is completely something I will not rock.  And, I'm ok with that.  I think God created motherhood/parenting for us to lean on Him to be our rock.  So maybe it is good that I'm not rocking this motherhood thing, because I am letting my Rock lead me in it.....What do you think?

I feel like our grass.....

So, when we moved into our new home, the builders laid sod.  When spring finally came here in SD, our grass was SO green, lush and beautiful!!  {From all the snow, maybe?}   However, there was a small problem - we had a sink hole in the front yard. 

Just a few weeks ago, the said sink hole got fixed.  They ripped up the old grass {transplant} and put in new sod.   So, now, the new sod hasn't quite acclimated to the current sod.  It looks ok, but is not quite as green and lush.  I do know that with the proper care, the sod will acclimate and re-root in with the old sod and you won't be able to tell the difference.

I feel a lot like our grass here in SD!  I'm a transplant here...I'm from Indiana originally and was living in Illinois.  I had a great support system and friends there in Illinois.  I was very well rooted there.  Once we moved, I was uprooted here to start over again.  Much like our grass.  I'm fitting in ok, but don't feel like I have deep roots here yet, which I know takes time.  I do feel a little like our sod looks, kind of out of place, but I know that will come with time too.  I do feel like we are in a great place and have a wonderful support system here, which is amazing.  I'm in awe of all the wonderful people God has put in our path and am so thankful for what He has for us here!

Return of the SPD....

It's been a rough week around these parts lately.  It's been frustrating and discouraging, to be honest.  You may recall when we moved here, Lauren wasn't doing so well in many areas - food allergies, sick at night, sensory challenges, etc.  It was a very overwhelming and emotionally trying time.  However, we had a friend from small group say "when you get to SD, she is going to be a different child."  {I really love the prophetic giftings, btw.} 

And, she was right.  We got here and Lauren really excelled!  We started seeing a wonderful chiropractor, who specializes in sensory processing disorder.  Between changing Lauren's diet {cutting out wheat and dairy}, the craniosacral therapy, supplements and adjustments, she was thriving.  She was a different child!  It was phenomenal!  So, I guess, in my mind, the sensory processing disorder went away.  But, that was not reality.

We were hit hard with the reality that she still has sensory processing disorder and will likely always have it.  Lauren transitioned from preschool {which she loved and had a best friend at} to part time day care.  Her first day at day care, she vomited.  {Chad had also had the flu the night before.}  So, between the transition {transitions are hard for kiddos with spd}, the flu and lack of sleep, it was not going well here at the Rohlfs home.  On top of that, Lauren totally regressed.....like to the point where she was before we moved.  We thought it was the combination of all 3 - the transition, the flu and the lack of sleep.  It turns out it was something else entirely different, though......

Long story short - it turns out there was a pesticide used at the day care that we suspect was affecting her.  We have taken her out of the day care and she is doing much better!  She has also been adjusted several times, as she was totally out of whack!  God provides, as we have a nanny starting in our home next week.  She is a gem!  Her current family's job situation changed, so she got laid off.  Her last day was the day I happened to call her.  So, we are looking forward to a great summer in a controlled environment for Lauren.

Lesson learned - just because something isn't visible, doesn't mean it isn't there.  We will now be more aware and know what to be aware of and look for in the future.  At the end of the day, God is always faithful and He provides!

Random Thoughts on a Monday Night in June....

It's been a while again {sigh} since I've been on here, so I'm just going to do a "brain dump."  These are things that have been on my mind that I hope to one day blog about.  Here goes:

* What is the difference between pride & confidence?
* Do you ever feel like you are doing the same things over & over again as a parent?  {Just wondering.}
* Why is it so hard to be fully present sometimes?
* How often do people see their friends who are far apart?  What is realistic?

That's all for now....

Here we go...what chaps my hide!

As promised, I said a few days ago I would share what "chaps my hide."  Well, here it is....there are a few, but this one currently has been bugging me.  Our food sources aren't safe!  I know it sounds a little nutty, but when you think about all the junk that goes into most of the foods we eat, no wonder we are an unhealthy, obese nation!  So much of our food has been so processed with chemicals, additives, dyes, etc. & all the nutritional value has been taken out.  It is disgusting.  I am appalled that we can go into a grocery store & buy things that are making us sick & it is legal!  We think that because it is at the grocery store, it is safe. WRONG!

I have been on this journey of clean eating, whole foods, etc. for about a year now, maybe a little longer.  The more I learn the more appalled I am at all of it!  The more I know, the more disgusted I am.  I just read this today - First, let’s define gluten.  Gluten is the protein portion of the wheat kernel.  It is also the hardest protein to digest and process.  Gluten now makes up about 26% of the kernel compared to 3% just 30 years ago, due to the hybridization of wheat. So, when you eat two slices of bread today, it yields about the same gluten equivalent as 17 slices did back in 1980. (source and excellent article)  {Thank you, Jenni Hufford, I borrowed that from your blog!}  

As you may or may not know, Lauren has wheat & dairy allergies.  She also doesn't do well with food dyes.  We have also taken wheat & dairy out of Landons diet & the behavior changes have been telling.  I also recently discovered I have wheat & dairy allergies.  Food that I thought was good for us was actually making us more sick.  {I'm not saying wheat & dairy as a whole are bad....just know where it is coming from & what may have been added to it.}  As a result, I have been making food from scratch, knowing where our food comes from before buying {I get a lot from azurestandard.com, vitacost.com, greenpolkadotbox.com {I think} & the health mart at our local grocery store. 

If the saying "you are what you eat," is true, we are a very unhealthy people.  If you are looking for ways to get started, I encourage checking out JJ Virgin's "The Virgin Diet" book.  It is a great starting place - lots of meal plans, recipes, etc.

Don't even get me started on the amount of sugar in everything......

Thankful heart....

Hi all, I just want to say how thankful I am for my college sorority sisters.  One of our sisters was diagnosed with cancer, shortly after her husband was also diagnosed.  They have 2 littles as well, & other things going on in their lives.  Feel free to read her story here: http://www.gofundme.com/1yvbnk?pc=fb_cr

It really touched my heart to see so many Purdue DG's posting this on their walls to support Holly.  Man, I miss these girls.  They are just good people, you know?  All of them are busy with their own lives, families, careers, etc. yet they took time out to share with a sister in need.   My heart is touched by those who have posted, donated & prayed for Holly & her family.  Funny thing is I haven't seen many of these girls in 13 years, yet we are connected.  And, we will always be connected because of our time at 303 Waldron.  Thanks girls for keeping on "doing good."  I'm honored to be your sister.

ITB,
Melissa