The Purpose/Meaning of Life.....

Friends,

As I write this, it's hard to describe all of the feelings/emotions that are wrapped up inside of my mind and heart.  I elaborated a bit this morning on facebook, with words like anger, sadness, fear, a desire for justice. But those few words just skim the surface.  There are more words that could be used like pain, hurt, trauma, heartbreak, devastation.  I don't want to be dramatic, as I have been called that before, but really, what has happened in my hometown is heart-wrenching.  It's making me re-think everything in life.  Where we live, how we raise our kids, our lifestyle, as well as the meaning/purpose of life.

Shortly after the news, I went through a time of everything feeling meaningless.  The news, the newsfeed on facebook, cleaning my house, etc.  Everything that once held meaning, seemed meaningless but my family. And, I think that's kind of how it is supposed to be and should be. It has made me aware of all the things that I let distract me, that steal my attention, my time, my energy. Things that quite frankly, don't matter and shouldn't matter, but that I made important.  My smart phone.  Scrolling the internet.  You know, time suckers that creep in that don't matter; they never did matter, but somehow I made them matter. But this, this has shaken me up, it's woken me up and it's made me more aware of and more in tune with my calling and purpose/meaning of my life.  {Now, let me say this.  This is MY purpose/MY calling. That doesn't mean it is yours.  Ask God what He made you to do with this life He gave you. Your calling is yours because He made you you.}

I remember sitting on the porch of my house in Delphi, IN shortly after moving back from Chicago. It was a season of moving home before moving up to Madison, WI to work in campus ministry up there.  Hard to be a college graduate and living back with my parents, but it worked. Very clearly, I remember reading Isaiah 61 and hearing "this is the call I have on YOUR life, Melissa." Yikes.  That is deep.  Have you read Isaiah 61? If not, do so now.  It's amazing, but scary at the same time.  At the time, I actually thought it meant for Greek {fraternity/sorority} ministry, and wrote that in my Bible, However, I think over time that call has changed on who it is for.  The call hasn't but I think who He is asking me to reach is different now.  

In total honesty, the call has been a struggle. Does anyone else just think that when God asks you to do something that it will be easy? And, He will make things just fall into your lap?  Does anyone else struggle with that mentality?  I did it coming on InterVarsity staff, thinking my funds would magically appear and I would be on campus in weeks {which doesn't happen!}, and it's happened again.  He's had to remind me that it is about His timing and His purpose, not mine.  I dumbly thought that by stepping out in faith that He would just do the rest and I could sit back and bask in my obedience.  LOL.  Not how it has worked for me, friends.  If it has for you, please share....I'm curious :)  I've been unfriended by people on facebook and to be honest, that hurts {remember, I am a person with feelings.  When I get unfriended, I wonder why.  Sometimes I sit in that hurt, other times I move on and don't let it phase me.  Anyone else feel this way?}  When I invite people into the call and what God is doing, I get ignored {which also hurts, to be honest.  Am I too sensitive here?  Or maybe I am "raw" from the hurt from my hometown?}  

BUT, in the midst of the struggle, the hurt, the pain, etc.  my purpose and the meaning of life has been made crystal clear to me.   My purpose is to glorify and share His love, as it is for all believers. Everything else is meaningless.  The things that hang me up ~ unfriending, being ignored, etc.  All that stuff is rubbish and doesn't matter.  Philippians 3:8 actually says it better ~ "What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."

As you can imagine, this has been a process and it's been a time to really practice what I preach in terms of self care.  What I have done during this time is what has worked for me in the past and I know to work for me in times of stress, struggle, etc.

* Abide in Him and the Word.  Press into Him in prayer and worship.
* Eat clean.  When I eat chemicals and processed junk, it makes me wonky ~ mentally and emotionally.  Think food doesn't do that to us?  Please contact me and I can share my own experiences with this as well as provide resources :)
* Exercise.  This has been a challenge as I haven't wanted to, but know that I need to for my mental well being.
* Sleep.  Truth, the early morning workouts haven't been happening, because I have been letting myself sleep in.  My body has needed that and I believe it's important to give our bodies what they need, whether it is food, exercise, rest, etc.  It's the total package.
* Journal/process time/margin.  This is something I have recently discovered is a need for me.  When there is rushing, it creates stress for me, so when there is margin and time to process, it is better for everyone around me.  It's meant being intentional with my time this week to give myself that time.

What does this mean going forward?  As mentioned above, these events have made me crystal clear on my focus, my call, my purpose.  It means from now on saying no to things that aren't in line with that.  No in terms of time, energy, brain space and posting on social media.  This has been the biggest struggle for me to be honest.  As I look at the selfies and the various posts, I don't want to be cluttering up the feed or posting about myself.  I want it to be for Him, for His Kingdom, what He is doing.  There will be changes in terms of what is posted, but not crystal clear on how that will look yet, but you can count on me to share once it is :)  That's why the site was created, to be about HIM, not about me and my kingdom.

Curious what you think your purpose/the meaning of your life is?  Do share.....Love to hear from you!

XOXO,
Melissa

Ah, That's Why That Hurts So Much....

Delphi, IN, where the zipcode is 46923.  A small town {population was 2,893 at the 2010 census.  In 1996, my graduating class had 89 people in it.  #smalltown} in the midwest.  It's the county seat for our county. Like many other midwestern towns, there are a mix of small businesses and agriculture in the community.  It's a place where everyone knows everyone and people are for the most part, kind and friendly.   It's a place where some people stay after high school and choose to raise families of their own there.  For the most part, it is safe.

However, if you haven't heard of Delphi yet, chances are you will soon, as there was some heartbreaking news that happened there this week. {The article is here: http://wlfi.com/2017/02/15/police-confirm-bodies-found-in-carroll-county-are-missing-teen-girls/} In my hometown.  Where I grew up.  In this small town in the midwest where things like this don't really happen, unless you remember 1980.  

I couldn't quite put my finger on all the uneasiness I have felt since hearing about these girls.  Yes, I knew one of their parents as well as one of the girls {not well, but I knew them}, so there is that connection. There is also the connection of it being my small hometown, where these things don't generally happen, unless, again you know what happened almost 40 years ago.

As the press reports would go live, I would tune in, hoping and praying for good news. Then,  when words like "foul play," "homicide," "murder," "death," "investigation," and the like are brought up, it triggered me.  Back to 1980.  The biggest question that took my breath away was "Deputy, do you know when the last homicide took place here was?"  The fear and shame that overwhelmed me was unreal.  Why the fear and shame, you ask?  See, my dad {bio dad, not the step dad who just passed away a few months ago.  Yes, I've had a lot of loss, friends}, was murdered in my hometown in 1980.  Ugh.  Do you know how gross, ugly and disgusting that is to even type?  Let alone read out loud?  Granted, I was just 2 at the time, but for me to talk about "how safe my town is," and "how things like this don't happen there," aren't 100% entirely true to my reality. The bizarre thing as I look back on it is that it felt safe growing up there.  It's like I lived in this little bubble of denial maybe?  Or just unaware since I was so young when my dad was killed? {Ugh, I normally say die, so those words take on a new meaning as I type them out.}  And, that's why what has happened there hurts me so much.  

So all that to say I suppose this hits super close to home for me, since I experienced something similar in that same town many years ago.  The loss, the grief, the mourning, the unknown, I get it.  I've lived it.  I grew up with it as close to me as the shirt on the back of your neck.  It was so woven into who I was and my identity that I didn't know any differently.  See, growing up with that happening to me gave me a "victim mentality," or the "my dad was killed when I was young, so have pity on me," that sort of thing.

It wasn't until fairly recently that God set me free from that and showed me HIS mentality. The Daughter of THE King Conquering mentality.  And, ya know what?  Regardless of what you've been through in your life....it's there for you too.  So if you wonder why I'm passionate about freedom and helping women be free in Him, there's a bit of the backstory for you.

Please keep my hometown and these sweet families and the students in your prayers.  

Hmmmm.....Mixed Bag

A friend posted this quote the other day and I've been thinking about it since.  "If you're struggling and your people are just sitting there, watching you struggle. They aren't your people." At first, it made me sad, but then as I thought about it more, I realized the truth in it.

The other thought that comes to mind is "Not everyone will understand your journey. That's ok, it's not theirs to understand." And again, that's true. Here's the thing. I'm not like everyone else. I've spent so much of my life trying to fit in and be like everyone else/to be approved/accepted/liked that I've missed out on being who God made me to be for much of that time. All those years slipped by because of my own insecurity. How sad. One of many things God is teaching me lately is WHOSE I am. That means what He has called me to do. What He is asking of me. And, again, that is something people might not understand. They might not accept. They might not support. As you may know, I started a new website recently to help women find freedom to be who God made them to be. And in my usual fashion, my expectations were way off, so I'm learning and growing in the process {isn't refining fun?} And, it's happening again. Friends don't understand. I have to remind myself, that's ok, it's not theirs to understand. Obedience to Him is more important than if I am accepted/liked/popular/etc. In a training I did, they kept saying "you're not here to be popular, you're here to share your purpose." Ugh, that is so challenging for me. Again, it's a constant reminder that I'm swimming upstream. And, along the way, people will misunderstand, they won't get it, some may question my intentions. And, again, I have to remind myself to guard my thoughts and renew my mind.

Does anyone else struggle with this, or am I alone in this? I'm sincerely curious so please let me know.

Thanks,
Melissa P.S. As I hit "publish" on this, God hit me with a thought...maybe the website is just as much about my freedom as it is the women in the community. #hmmm

Something NEW is coming!!!

Oh my goodness, friends, I am SO excited to share what God is doing!  Something new is coming! God has put something on my heart and I am being obedient and following His lead.  About three years ago, I started on a health and wellness journey.  What originally started as a way to lose some weight and become healthy became so much more! God has shown me that it's about stewardship of what He has given us and caring for ourselves so we can in turn care well for those around us: our families, the church, and so forth.  

I am super humbled and excited to introduce you to I Am Free 2 B.  This is a membership community for  women who desire to be free to be who God created us to be. We are women who love Jesus and desire to be good stewards of our bodies.  The word God keeps giving me is "toolbox."  This site is a toolbox for women who want to grow in the Lord with the renewing of their mind, healthy foods, healthy bodies and in turn, live a healthy life, free to be who He created us to be!

As a member of this community, you will receive the following:

* One Personal Development book recommendation for the month as we renew our minds together.
* Two clean eating recipes/week
* Suggestions and ideas for exercise
* Tips, tricks, inspiration and motivation to live the life He called you to {this will be in 1 blog post/week}.
* Access to lots of resources to equip and help you on your journey, including a meal planner, grocery template, companies that promote freedom and so on.
* Access to a members only facebook group where we can pray for each other, connect and have some member challenges.

If you'd like to learn more, please visit the site here.  This isn't about a product, or program, but about equipping you to be who God created you to be for His glory!  I'd love for you to be a part!

Blessings,
Melissa

Love and Some Thoughts On It

It's Friday afternoon and I was watching the March for Life in D.C. on the t.v.  Now that I have turned it off to write this post, I'm listening to Pandora.  "It Is Well," by Bethel is playing.  Man, this song is amazing!  Check it out here.  Seriously, this song gets me every time I hear it. {Sometimes I might act like the keyboard of my laptop is a piano and like I am playing along with it, but I'm getting off track here....}  This is one to play on repeat, over and over again.  {Now that it's over on Pandora, it is on YouTube.  At least there you can repeat it, lol!}

Oh, and I am wearing this shirt, which is where the blog idea came from. Love. Something it doesn't seem we are seeing a lot of lately, on the whole.  I think overall, if we were asked to describe the tone of our nation now, words like angry, upset, bitter, might come to mind, but loving.....not sure it would be up there.  Would you agree, or am I just tainted here?  {If that's the case, good!}

Not too long ago, {like less than hours ago!}, I posted this picture and said something like "choose love today. #loveyourneighborasyourself" Then, it hit me!  Is the reason we aren't full of love for our neighbor because we don't love ourselves?  I don't mean like a cocky, arrogant, full of yourself love, but the love the Bible talks about.  Are we walking around with our hurts, wounds and baggage that we either aren't willing to get rid of, or don't know how to get rid of and we are just walking around in our hurt and brokenness, projecting our hurts onto everyone around us?  I'm not asking to be judgmental, I'm asking because I have been there.  Ask my husband.  

"Hurting people hurt people," is something I have heard a lot and for the first part of our marriage, it was true and lived out daily.  I was so hurt, broken, wounded, offended, upset by things that had happened in the past that were affecting my current reality.  I was a hurting person hurting those around me {often those closest because I was safe with them, knew they loved and accepted me.  It wasn't this way with others, though.}

Is this what is happening in our society, but behind the filters of social media, we throw those fiery darts at our "friends?"  Have we wanted so bad to be right and show we are right, that we have forgotten WHAT is right? To be honest, the amount of hurtful things I have read on facebook has been heartbreaking.   It makes me wonder if we were in person, or face to face, would we be as bold and abrasive with our comments?  {And, just to disclaim here, no one was rude to me, I am just speaking about the comments and posts I have seen on facebook as of late.  This is not personal, nor is directed at anyone.  If I had a concern with someone, I would go directly to them to address it vs addressing it here in a passive aggressive way.}  Thankfully, when I have posted about it, my friends have been respectful and kind.  And, that's a beautiful thing.  The ability to agree to disagree in a civil way.  You may not agree or like everything I post on social media, and that is fine.  You don't have to.  {If you don't, I appreciate you being kind about it, so thank you :)  No one has been rude to my face or on my wall, so thank you!}  

Back to our brokenness, do you really love yourself?  Do you know that Jesus died for YOU?  Do you live like a daughter or son of the King? Because you are.  So many people don't walk around in their inheritance and it's so sad.  It's like the story of the couple who saved up all their money to go on a cruise and brought their own food because they didn't realize their food was included.  So instead of joining everyone at the nice meals, they ate bread and water in their cabin.  Talk about missing out!  Don't do that, don't be like that. And, this isn't meal time.....this is your LIFE! Walk in the righteousness Christ died to give you.  It is your right as His child.  Once we are healed in Him, we have a different perspective.  Things that used to trip us up or make us angry don't have that hold on us anymore {at least from my personal experience.}  If you want to be free, but don't know where to start, please let me know.  I would love to share my journey and what He has done in my life.  

It seems to me that in order to love others, we have to first love ourselves, yes?  Doesn't the Bible say "love your neighbor as yourself," Mark 12:31.  But if you don't have that view of yourself that Jesus has for you, can you have it for those around you?  The saying "you can't give someone something you don't have," is coming to mind now, so possibly?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this as always, friends.  This is a place for me to share some random thoughts I have.  I always love to dialogue, so let me know what you think :)

Marching, Time and Worth

I'm still sorting and process a lot here, so this is a work in progress as thoughts are leaving my brain, and being transferred to this blog. There was a march this weekend.  More specifically, a women's march.  For me being a woman, it's important that I understand what the objective of this was.  To be honest, I am still not 100% sure and to some that makes me part of the problem, according to their facebook post.  However, I believe that not understanding and not trying to understand is part of the problem vs not understanding and trying to understand.  So, there's that.

I have friends who marched.  Some marched for women's rights.  Some marched against Trump. What I struggle with is the lack of clarity/unity around what the march was for. Was it for women's rights?  What is anti-Trump?  Against both?  There doesn't seem to be a clear sense to me, what the purpose of the march was, as a whole.  Yes, people marched for various reasons, but the point of the march as a whole remains fuzzy to me.  {If you know, please feel free to share.  Again, I am open and want to understand.}  If the march is to make your voice heard, there are lots of ways in addition to marching to let your voice be heard.

As I look at the "Womens March on Washington" website, I see some "Unity Principles" listed, which I love, and agree with.  I think my bigger question with all of this is what is happening beyond the march? What are we doing as individuals to model unity?  How are we as women uniting to support one another?  I just recently received a magazine that on the front cover said "Mommy Wars."  On the inside, it talked about the mommy wars between working moms, stay at home moms, etc.  It was spot on.  There's an area we can unite in ~ motherhood.  Let's cut the judgmental mama junk {you know what I'm talking about if you're a mama.  The whole breastfed vs. bottle fed, Pinterest mom competition, etc.  You know.....}  What are we doing outside of the march to promote, encourage, model and create what we marched for?

A lot of people took a lot of time out of their schedules to march this weekend.  Time.  It's one of the most precious things we have and something we can never get back . Once it's gone, it is gone. Unlike money, we can't earn more time.  That's just not how it works.  To me, when you value something, when it is worth something, you invest time in it.  Let's talk relationships for example. I believe it is respectful, considerate and tells the person they matter to you if you reply to them if they have reached out.  It's a simple way of saying "you matter to me."  Just like the march, you did it because it mattered to you, right?   You spend time with and invest time in people that matter to you, right?  So if you took time to march, maybe you could model people matter to you by replying to them as well as marching?  That's one way to say you value people, in addition to marching.

Women marched this weekend because they believe it was worth it.  They believe what they marched for was worth it.  If it was women's rights, for example, the point is that women matter, yes?  {Again, if I am off here, please correct me.}  So, what are we doing on a consistent basis to show our children that we matter?  I am a woman.  For me, that looks like taking care of myself.  I read my Bible daily, I read personal development, I watch what I put in and on my body, I work out.  It's self care because I believe I am worth taking care of {you are too, for that matter!} While I didn't march this weekend, I think my children are more likely to remember those consistent acts vs a march I might have participated in once in a while.  {Again, not saying the march is bad, but adding these things IN ADDITION TO.} 

I appreciate the masses of people marching to impact change this weekend.  Let's just not forget the power of one as well.  We each have the power to choose love or hate each day. We each have the power to choose unity or division daily.  We have the power to choose positive or negative.  Let's not forget it starts with us.  We can be the change we wish to see in the world, right?  This was confirmed for me a few times today via messages from friends thanking me for encouraging them to remember the dream God put in their heart, and another one thanking me for helping her change her nutrition.  As a result, one friend is chasing that God-given dream, and the other one's friend is also changing their nutrition as well.  Each one, reach one, right?  

The Church: A Hospital For Sinners?

The hospital.  Ugh.  Not someplace I am fond of.  As I was there with my mom last week for her angiogram, it hit me.  Life.  Death.  Both take place in the hospital.  Good.  Bad.  Joyful. Hard.  Sad. Happy.  Healing. It all takes place there.  The hospital.

As I was walking the halls last week to the waiting room, bathrooms, cafeteria, all these thoughts and feelings were going through my mind and heart. God was starting to speak to me, but didn't finish it until today.  Initially, I was angry about the church being referred to as a hospital for sinners.  "Why would anyone want to go there {church} if that's what it is referred to?"  "What good happens here, at the hospital, other than birth?"  "What good happens here?"  Those are some thoughts that went through my head that day. Apparently, the newness of my dad's passing at the hospital is still fresh and "raw" in me.  Death. That's what I associate with the hospital. That brings up a myriad of emotions and feelings. Christ had to die to set us free.  Death brought life and freedom and joy and all that He gives us, so freely and without us deserving any of it.  Death.  Where loved ones leave this earth and your life, and hopefully, as my dad did, know Jesus and go their eternal home of heaven, where there is no pain, no suffering, no hurt {Revelation 21:4}.  But there's more to death, which I will get into later.

On the flip side, LIFE happens at the hospital. Babies are born everyday, bringing new life into the world.  That's a blessing, and again, something Christ's death brought to us ~ life {John 10:10}. However, last week, the experience of death overshadowed the life component.  I wonder if that's what happens in our day to day lives, we get so caught up in death that we forget life?  That death overpowers life?  Jesus died for us to have life to the full, so really death brings life.  That's exactly what we are going through now with our church, the "Live|Dead Joy" book by Dick Brogden.  Highly recommend, by the way.

I actually asked my friend, who is a pastor herself and the pastor's wife how she felt about the church being called a hospital for sinners.  She replied "we are all sinners."  I then went onto say something like "but who likes to go to the hospital?"   As I have had more time to think about that, the Holy Spirit has convicted me that my statement comes from a place of pride.  Pride in saying I want to be well, I don't want to be sick.  I don't want to need medical attention because I am healthy.  Isn't that like saying I don't need Jesus?  That I can do it on my own?  Forgive me for my pride, Lord.  I am a sinner who clearly needs Your help; I can't do this on my own.   I need the LIFE that you bring by my dying.  Dying to self.  Dying to sin.

Today's "Live|Dead Joy" smacked me right between the eyes.  He says "We are comfortable and desirous of the Spirit-led life, quick to embrace the power, guidance, deliverance, and liberty the Spirit gives - but we are slow to accept that the Spirit also leads to death."  WOW!  Quick to embrace life, but slow to accept death.  That's exactly what I was thinking about at the hospital.  He continues "All who follow Jesus must come to terms with the Spirit leading them to death; the death of self-will, which leads to the deliverance of others.  We do not live to be served, but to serve and to give our lives for the ransom of others {Matt 20:28}.  If we do this joyfully, we will indeed be baptized with the baptism of Jesus."  

So, this is my moment of coming to terms with the Spirit leading me to death and being THANKFUL the church is a HOSPITAL for sinners.  I clearly need the LIFE, support, help and aide that Jesus offers in His home.  I have to admit something is wrong, that I am sinful and in need of a Savior to go there.

Curious what your take is on the church being called a "hospital for sinners?"

Blessings on you abundantly today, friends!

2016: The Year of Loss. With Every Loss, There is a Gain....

As I've been thinking on the past year for the last few days, I realize 2016 has been a year of loss. However, that sounds dramatic and kind of sad, to be honest. The Year of Loss. Yikes. But, at the same time it is true. However, God is faithful and reminded me that with loss comes gain. The gains might not look how we want or be what we want them to be, but His Word says "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. " ~ Philippians 1:21 So, here, the author is saying dying is gain. We might consider dying a loss, verses a gain. Again, loss comes with gain....I'll explain.

It would be easy to focus on the loss of my dad this year, since that was a significant event for me in 2016, however, as I looked back over the year, there were other losses as well. And, of course, gains.

* We lost our preschooler this year, and gained a kindergartner.

* We lost our second grader this year, and gained a third grader.

Those are natural losses, that come with gains that are a sign of progression. Those are positive losses because you know what is next, it is expected. It might hurt some to think of your babies growing up, but on the other side, that's the goal of parents, to raise their children so they grow up and become thriving independent adults. So, the grades are a natural progression. For us, they are happy milestones of accomplishment for our kiddos.

An unexpected loss for us this year was God's call for us to change churches. Nothing happened with our old church, and we still love that body very much. God was calling us to worship in our community. That was a loss that came with a gain as well. We lost one body and gained another. While it is clear that God called us to a new body of believers, it also involved some tears and some grieving, as we love those people in that church and the people we had built relationships with.

Another surprising loss I've just become aware of is kind of personal, but with me doing Core de Force in November, I lost my desire for programs that don't push me!  See, I've thrived on programs that allow me to go through the motions and not really challenge me, however, doing Core de Force changed that for me.  I've gone back to doing a program that isn't as challenging and I miss my challenge!  So I've gained endurance, strength and momentum with my fitness and have lost some desire for not challenging myself.  Never thought I would say that, friends.

The final loss that happened this year was the loss of my dad in September. That's been an interesting journey to navigate. While we know he is in a better place and he is whole and healed, it still hurts. Our loss was heaven's gain, however, my mom and I are developing a new relationship now. Relationships are changing, those could be considered gains as well, I suppose.  

I think those are the big losses that have occurred this year.  But at the same time, if I only focused on the loss, I would miss the gain.  And that feels and seems hopeless.  I don't serve a God who is hopeless though, I serve a God of hope.

If this has been a year of hurts, losses and pains as well, friend, my encouragement to you is to ask God what He has for you in that. He is a good Father and has our best interests at heart.  So many times instead of asking God what He wants for us, we get mad at Him, ignore Him, block Him or turn away entirely. See what He has for you.  "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  ~ Romans 8:28
Here's to a great 2017 ahead!

It's All About Food!

Yesterday, our family was home-bound due to icy roads.  So, we stayed home all day and had a great time together!  There was lots of family time :)  We did puzzles, watched basketball {nice win, Boilers over the Irish!}, did some crafts, and cooked.  As I was reflecting on the day, it hit me.  The day was a lot about food.  At first, I had mixed feelings about that.  See, most of my life, my relationship with food has been unhealthy. So, when the realization hit that a lot of our inside family time was consumed with food, I had mixed feelings.  But, I realize that stems from my own personal past unhealthy relationship and mindset towards food.

I've been on both sides of the ditch with food...under-eating and overeating.  Neither are good.  Obviously, both stem from deeper issues that the Lord has brought much healing to.  For that, I am super grateful. Since starting my own health journey almost 3 years ago, my passion, knowledge and desire to learn more has only grown.  Why is that?  Well, I'd love to tell you.

I have seen how small changes to and with food has changed our lives.  With our daughter having sensory processing disorder and both kids and myself having food allergies, we have learned that food affects EVERYTHING.  Not only for them, but for my husband and I as well.  We have learned this by being on our own journey.  We eat a mainly clean diet, meaning no processed foods.  We are gluten free, dairy free and dye free.  We try to eat as natural as possible and it's changed our lives for the better.  Sleep is better, digestion/gi/bowel issues are better, mind is more clear, energy level is higher, behavior is better; it has truly been life changing for us.

Was there some mourning/grieving involved with making the changes we have?  Sure. We were sad to think about our kids not having ice cream, or birthday cake or other treats that were a part of our childhoods.  However, there are a lot of alternatives now, for which we are thankful.  It's also made me think about the relationship I have with food.  Is it something I should mourn or grieve about? Yes, it's a loss, but what does it mean to me that I'm mourning the loss of food?  See, it's deeper than just the surface appears to be, at least for me. 

There are some frustrations that come along with this, though too.  I think a lot of people think eating clean is "boring," "bland," or that all we eat are salads and veggies.  That's so far from the truth!  Look at the above picture from yesterday....we ate pancakes for breakfast, chili for dinner and had ice cream for dessert!  The kicker is it's just like we ate before we ate clean, but we made some small tweaks.  Just like the books "The Slight Edge," or "The Compound Effect" will tell you, those small changes over time = big results.  So it's been with us, our small tweaks to our foods have led to big results over time. 

Have I felt deprived?  Not at all!  In fact, I'm eating more now than I think I ever have before.  But the quality of the food is better, and I know how much of what type of food to eat. When people think they have to not eat or restrict their calories to a ridiculously low number to lose weight drives me nuts!  That's simply not true, but that's what we are taught. The reality is it lies in the quality of what you eat not the quantity.  

It's frustrating that not only are there all of these misconceptions out there, but that people continue to believe them.  No pill, patch, coffee {yup, I tried fat burning coffee before too!}, wrap, etc. is going to give you what good nutrition does.  That comes from food.  What you eat, what you drink.  The quality of what you put into your body.

I've done quite a bit of research on this and have learned so much!  Some books I recommend are: "The Virgin Diet," by JJ Virgin, "The Adrenal Reset Diet," by Dr. Alan Christianson, "Brain Maker," by Dr. David Perlmutter, and "The Autoimmune Solution," by Dr. Amy Myers.  Read them, learn about the connection between food and our brains, and our bodies.  You will be surprised!  If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.  Maybe being in a 21 Day Fix Virtual Accountability Group like I was almost 3 years ago would be a good start?  If so, please contact me.

So, at the end of the day my conclusion about food is this:  It really is all about food.  We live in a society that revolves around food, it's a fact.  We are constantly celebrating with food, or mourning with food, food is 99% of the time involved, right?

But instead of not getting enough, or too much of the bad stuff, it's about getting the right amounts of the right kinds of foods. From someone who has had a very flawed and broken relationship with food, I'm thankful for what I've been through, what I've learned and for where I'm at.  Instead of fearing my children having all of these memories involving food, I'm ok with that. Hopefully, we are teaching them that food is nourishment, fuel to sustain them, to heal them and it is good, rather than to view it as something for comfort, or boredom or some of the unhealthy views I had on it {even being the enemy at one point, was something I thought.}  It's my chance to give them a healthy view and relationship with food, and for that I'm thankful.

Core de Force: Week 1 Review

It's hard to put into words how I feel after my first week of the new program, Core de Force. It seems rather odd to me that a program could bring me to tears.  Perhaps it is grief coming out sideways, but this program is changing me and I absolutely love it!  There are so many reasons for that and I plan to share them below.

I had the opportunity to meet the super trainers who created this program at our Summit this summer. Joel Freeman and Jericho McMatthews are their names.  {Joel and Jericho, or J & J}  There are just so many things I appreciate about them as people and who they are. See, Jericho is a new mama and she shared with us at Summit that it would have been easy for her to focus on getting awesome results while creating the program and really dialing in her nutrition, workout super hard, etc., but she realized that would have compromised her son's milk supply, so she opted to not do that.  She choose her child's health and well being over her results, which I just love.  I love it for so many reasons:  we live in a society that is so hung up on body image, and looking great and putting ourselves first.  Jericho's also a super trainer, so I would imagine it might be a bit more "amped up" in that line of work? Maybe not, but my guess is there is some pressure?  {I don't know this for a fact, this is merely my guess.}  I love that she knew her child's well being was better than her results and that she declared that publicly with no fear or no shame.  She was true to who she is as a person and I love that about her.  So, when I did get to meet them and I told her how beautiful I thought that was, I started crying.  Yup, I was crying right before this picture was taken, lol!  {In true transparency, I had just met Chalene, who I adore, and was most excited about, so I was surprised at my response to meeting them, ha ha!  I thought I would cry with Chalene, so the emotion I felt with J and J surprised me.}

I also just really appreciate who they are as people and their style of training.  They are just kind and gentle people and you can tell that from their videos.  They aren't screaming and up in your face, they are simply walking you through the moves and explaining form while encouraging you to do your best.  I love it!  The other thing I think that resonates with me about Jericho is she is soft spoken.  She is showing me that you can be soft spoken, be strong and still kick booty!

Now that I've raved on about J and J, let's talk about the workouts and the FOOD, shall we? Again, in true honesty, I was SCARED.TO.DEATH of this program!  Why? Because if you look back on my pattern of fitness, it's been more dance oriented {Country Heat, Turbo Kick, Cize, etc.}, or low impact....hello, PiYo, one of my all time faves! This is truly the first hard core program I've ever done.  22 Minute Hard Corps, Insanity, P90....those are all our programs, but not ones I have done. And, yes, I do have T25, but haven't done it all the way through....I quit it! So the fact I've done a whole 7 days of this one is a huge deal!

I think part of the reason is I know my WHY behind it.  See, weight loss, toning up, or anything physical aren't my reasons for doing this.  My why is to PROVE to myself I can do it, to prove to myself that I am strong and to prove to myself that I can do and finish things that scare me.  This program is so far out of my comfort zone, and honestly, if our team of coaches wasn't doing it together as a team, I'm not sure I would be attempting it.  But, I am learning to be stronger than my excuses, to be stronger than my fears and feelings and that I CAN do hard things.  It's very empowering, to be honest and the confidence I'm gaining from it is carrying over into my life.  I love that, it's an awesome ripple effect on life!  

So, deets about the workouts:  They range from 21 minutes {that would be active recovery day} to 47 minutes/workout.  As always, there is a workout calendar telling you exactly what workout to do when so you are getting optimum results and getting a full body workout.  All the guess work is gone {ugh, it reminds me of when I would go to the gym and never know what to do.  Thankful those days are gone.}  They are fun, energetic and empowering!  There is a lot of focus on learning the movements and getting the motion and form right vs. speed and killing yourself.  They teach the moves well and it's easy to get a good feel for how to do them. The music is good and the workouts go by fast, which surprised me!  Always a good thing at 5 a.m., right?  There have been a few times I've actually caught myself smiling during them.

Food plan....again, another LOVE.  It's the same plan as the 21 day fix. All the portions are laid out for you, as are the food choices. The nutrition guide gives recipes and meal plans and is very straightforward and easy to follow.  I also love that this week, I get to add another fruit. Wahoo for more food, lol!

All in all, I'm loving this program and am so thankful I stepped out of my comfort zone to try it.  I'd like to thank Joel and Jericho for being such great trainers and creating this program that is impacting not only my body, but my life.  Thank you, also to Team Transformers, for being a part of my journey. So thankful to do this all together!

If you have questions about Core de Force, or would like to be part of my next virtual fitness group, please let me know.  Love hearing from you and helping you on your journey!

What's Really Going On Here?

Wow, friends, it's been a wild ride the past few weeks.  So much has gone on, so many uncontrollable things that happen on this ride of life, right?  So many things that have so many emotions and feelings attached to them - we are complicated people, aren't we?   Let's see, this month has consisted of my dad being in the hospital and learning more about his next steps, a church 20somethings reunion in Chicago, my mom's birthday, a husbands full work schedule, a 20 year high school reunion and this coming weekend, a business trip out of state.  So, lots of opportunities to "look back" and revisit where I was and where I am now, which is always interesting and enlightening for various reasons. {On top of regular life, you know?!}

The hard part about blogging is that I don't want to say too much to hurt or offend anyone ever, but also need to share the story and the message I believe God wants to be shared.  I don't want to make it about a person or call anyone out, so this post might be vague due to that very reason.  Hopefully it will make sense and the message will come through as it should.  So, here we go.....

There was an instance recently where someone did something that was very hurtful to me.  {We have talked it through, made amends, asked for forgiveness and all is well, just so you know.}  However, in the process of stepping back and evaluating the situation that occurred, I had to ask "what really is going on here?  What am I upset about?  Is it the situation that happened, or the feelings that the situation brought up?"  Well, that's the answer right there, the feelings the situation brought up.  So, yes, I was upset with the choice {s} that were made,  However, I have to realize I am not in charge of other peoples actions.  At the end of the day, I am only responsible for my own choices in life. This truth is both hard, but also freeing at the same time.

Back to the situation at hand....this choice that occurred brought up so many past hurts in me ~ rejection, neglect, disappointment, feeling of not being "enough," being let down, and so on.  So, those are my issues which I am aware of and own up to. 

However, when we as people interact with other people, sometimes our issues rub off on each other, just like what I'm talking about. See, this person didn't intend to do this at all, and wasn't their goal or mission at all, but because we are human beings, it happened. Their choice/action/decision/behavior brought up my past hurts.  Make sense?  It's a hard and delicate place to be for sure.  While I know the intent wasn't there, the hurt still was.  So, what does one do with that?  I'll tell you what I did:

* Pray
* Talk with a trusted friend who is removed from the situation so they can share their perspective on it and speak truth objectively
* Spend some time thinking and evaluating what is going on and what is the cause of all of this
* Talk with the person who has caused the hurt once the situation has diffused and everyone is calm

I hope this helps someone.  If not, it was good for me to verbalize this for sure.....thanks for reading friends.  Hope you all have a great week!

Old Mel, Meet New Melissa

My best friend, Ellen, and I at her wedding in Texas in 2002 and at the reunion. 

Wow, first of all, I can't believe it's been more than a month since I last wrote. That's indicative of life, isn't it? Getting kids back to school, juggling packing lunches again, homework, you know the drill. Then, mama finding a new routine...not there yet, but hopefully on my way soon! So, this is the month of reunions! I just got home a few days ago from a reunion of the 20somethings group I was a part of at Park Community Church in Chicago. I lived in Chicago for a year out of college and this group was a HUGE part of me loving being there so much! 

My girls, Ginger and Kimmy and I then, and now. 

See, I'm a small town girl who didn't venture far from home. I went to Purdue University for college, which was only 30 minutes away. My plan was to go to Ball State, which was further away, but I got scared and opted for the safe, familiar close to home option. The same situation appeared after graduation. I was offered a job in Chicago, which terrified me, and I was also talking with the Director of camp I attended and worked at as a child {close to home again} about a position there. My tendency was to go close to home, but after time in prayer and fasting, God showed me otherwise. So, I stepped out in faith, made the leap and headed to the Windy City! Was I scared? Heck yes! Did I learn to love it? You know it! 

All of us at the Park Christmas Party at the Drake. So FUN! 

I was only there for a year, but it was a wonderful year filled with great people from the 20somethings group! Lifelong friends were made there, so it was wonderful to go back as adults and parents in our minivans this weekend and reconnect and catch up! What a blessing it was! The most shocking thing to me, however, was the anxiety I felt going back now. The traffic. The tolls. The parking. I can tell I'm out of practice with those things. One, because we don't live in a big city and two, because my husband normally drives. When you're not used to something, you kind of forget how to do it, or lose touch with that. However, when I lived there as a young single gal, I didn't think twice about it. It didn't phase me one bit, I just tooled around the city in my little car. Good times! 

A book that my group made me when I moved to do campus ministry at UW-Madison. 

It was full of Scriptures and notes. Isn't that so thoughtful? 

I remember when my husband and I were considering moves for our family, I thought about the city. Simply because my time there was so rich and so wonderful, however, that was also a totally different season of life. A season of singleness. A season before children. Now, everything has changed. I can't imagine living there now, in this season. Obviously, if God called us, we would go and trust Him, but it's just funny how much I have changed in that regard. 

The other really surprising thing to me was when I was there, I was not healthy. I was not exercising, I was living off of sugar, candy, food dye, processed foods, eating gallons of ice cream in a sitting, you get the picture. So, how could I, in that physical and mental state tolerate the noise? The traffic? Parking? Etc? It's interesting to me. I will say that during that time a lot of things had been regressed from my childhood, so perhaps that is part of it? I also hadn't yet been diagnosed with PTSD yet. Did I have it? My guess is yes, but it wasn't as prominent, perhaps? So, that was interesting. 

It was also interesting to just be there with people who knew me as I was then, vs who I am now. To think back on where I was and what God has done in my life since then is really just amazing. I can look back and say I'm a totally different person. Sure, my core is the same, but God has done so much in me, it's incredible and I'm so thankful. He's done so much healing. It's interesting to go back to somewhere you've been and realize all that's taken place since then. I told my husband I'm just really thankful and at peace. Sometimes when we go back, it's hard and it hurts, but for me, it was good and healing. I loved reconnecting with those friends who were such a part of my life during that time. It was great to be back in the city and make some more great memories. Yes, it was also great to come back home and know this is right where we're supposed to be for now.

Have any of you had an opportunity to go back lately? What's your experience been like? I'm going to do it again in a few weeks for a high school reunion, which is totally different, but similar in terms of going back. So, this was the first opportunity for the "Old Mel {as I was known then} to meet New Melissa. Round two coming soon. Would love to hear some of your stories about going back....

Coaching and Faith

As we were in church today singing the song "I am a child of God," some things struck me. Specifically, about my faith journey and the connection coaching has had with it. I was journaling about some ways that being a coach has helped my walk with God and wanted to journal them here for my sake {papers tend to get misplaced or tossed in our house.} I also felt the need to do a heart check to be sure my heart and motives are pure and right before God. Here are some of my thoughts and ways coaching has helped my faith:

• Self Discipline and Self Control - This journey has taught me the art of self discipline and self control {both of which are connected, but different}. I've learned how to not let food control me, how to acknowledge my feelings, rather than eating out of them, I've learned that it's ok to do things I don't enjoy doing, because they are good for me {exercise}. I've learned that I am stronger than I really thought I was. Self discipline is something that has always been a struggle for me, so to feel like I'm getting better at it is encouraging. This verse in Proverbs really strikes me ~ "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." ~ Proverbs 25:28. I don't want to be controlled by the flesh, but by the Spirit. And, I certainly don't want to be that picture in the verse either!

• Perseverance/seeing things through - This is something that was probably my biggest struggle. I tend to be impatient so learning how to persevere when things don't happen instantly has been a good lesson to learn! Love Galatians 6:9 about this: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." 2 Timothy 2:12 says this ~ "If we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us." I want to endure, I don't want to deny! Endurance is built over time. There are other examples in the Bible about endurance and running the race set before us.

• Discipline - Isn't this what being a disciple is? Isn't it being steadfast? Committed? Following through? "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him," is what James 1:12 says. Love that. Steadfast under trial. Not sure about you, but sometimes life feels like a trial. I know that in the grand scheme of things, they aren't trials, but sometimes life is hard, right?

• A renewed mind - Romans 12:2 says "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." I love that! I've learned how to transform my mind not only by the reading of God's Holy Word every day and by prayer, but also through some great Christian books about personal development {Happy to recommend some, if you'd like?}

I think the biggest thing is the fear I mentioned earlier as we were singing about fear this morning. "You rescued me, and I could stand and sing, I am a child of God..."  "Am I standing and singing," is what I was asking?  Did He set me free and am I doing what He freed me to do?  Am I standing and singing, or am I sitting down and being quiet? What is the song He has put into my heart? What is the passion, the purpose He has for me and am I fulfilling it?  Am I living out the call on my life?  And, if I think I am, how do I know it's my call or His call?  That's where this all started from.  I want to be living out HIS purpose, HIS plans, HIS call, not my own.  So, where do I turn?  The Word to journal, to pray, to process.

So, friends, are you standing and singing with what He's put in your heart?  He didn't die to set you free to NOT stand and sing.  So, go ahead, stand tall and BELT it out!!

Christians in Business: Specifically, Direct Sales/Network Marketing/Multi Level Marketing {or Helping for us!}

Yes, I'm going there.....a topic that I've been struggling with for a while now. It seems like if I've struggled with it, chances are someone else has along the way as well. So, here goes. See me in the picture below? What does the shirt say? It says "TEAM Beachbody." Yes, TEAM. Not "MY Beachbody, or "I Beachbody," or MY Beachbody," but "TEAM Beachbody." So, let's start there. What is a team?

According to merriam-webster.com, a team is

• " a group of people who compete in a sport, game, etc., against another group
• a group of people who work together
•  a group of two or more animals used to pull a wagon, cart, etc."

Well, it's clear we are not animals, so for this post, let's focus on the first two points. In being my totally transparent self, this is the biggest struggle I have had with my role as a coach. See, I have big goals and big dreams and work hard to accomplish those. By and large, I have done well as a coach. The area I have struggled with is advancing in rank, the part where you need others to rank advance for you to as well. Again, truth be told, I have had a prideful heart and selfishness has crept in at times. God is showing me that it comes from woundedness from my past and He is using this opportunity to bring clarity, insight and healing. I'm thankful for that, but it is hard. That's for sure.

See, it's easy for me to think that I can do this all by myself and not need anyone. But that's not true. And, it's not Biblical. Again, my shirt says it all "TEAM," remember that? As I've been praying and processing this and asking God to speak into this situation, the following things have happened:

• "Individualism is a mark of immaturity," our pastor said one Sunday morning during the sermon. Chad and I looked at one another.....heard that one!

• In reaching out to some fellow Coaches who are also believers to see if they struggle with this, got this reply from a top coach in our company, which totally blessed me! {Back story....I've never met this coach before, talked with her, or anything. I knew she was a Believer because of a training she did that I watched online. I sent her a message on facebook and she replied! This blew me away, as there have been other Believers in other companies I have been with that I had met in person, knew, etc. who didn't reply when I would send a message. This company is TRULY about being a TEAM and helping ALL coaches succeed, which I love!} So, here's some of her message to me: "I have had multiple Christians tell me they feel guilty praying over there business bc they shouldn't pray for success etc. in which I say remember guilt comes from the enemy, conviction comes from God. To me it's all about your intention. I pray over my biz and my team daily that God would bless them, protect them and use them. I also ask that He brings us people we can help. Same kind of intention goes for your business plan. No, I don't think it's wrong to build a strong team with financial promise. The only way I can see it as wrong is when coaches don't work at all and just collect a paycheck. As far as team stuff goes, if you lead with intention, with heart and by example you can impact and change your team members lives as well. I have had multiple team members become Christians, and i love watching my team members hit major goals/financial success. " How wonderful is that? I love it!
• I have also done some research with Mark Virkler, whose ministry has provided a lot of healing/deliverance for me. I respect his opinion and believe he does hear the voice of God. He actually has a book about it and here's some of the lingo for the promotion of that book: "This book also explores what are the best kind of products to sell, how you can grow spiritually through this industry, how to be an outstanding communicator and a successful networker. Network marketing takes a fair amount of work, persistence and skill, but if you are willing to let God stretch you and stick with it for a few years, you can develop an outstanding home-based business." He is so spot on! I'm realizing all these "struggles/challenges" I have with coaching are due to my own areas that need healing. God is growing me, stretching me, changing and refining me through this process and it's ok!
• I learned about "She Works His Way," an organization committed to helping women to "Pursue Christ. Love Well. Serve Others." Michelle Myers, is a coach as well and I admire, respect and value her wisdom, insight and heart. She's very Biblically solid and speaks the truth. Love that she is helping other Christian women in business connect!

Of course, in looking to the Word for insight on this, there is no black or white section on Christians in this type of business, the Bible does have a lot to say about various things related to this topic. For example:

• Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - "Two are better than one...."
• Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
• 1 Corinthians 3:9 paints a beautiful picture of a team working together to build His building.
• Ephesians 4 talks about unity and maturity in the body. 
• 1 Corinthians 12:12-13 talks about one body, but many parts. Again, more unity and diversity. These parts all need each other to work together.
• Philippians 2:3-4 says to do "nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit." Don't ya think me trying to do it on my own is pretty selfish and vain? Heart check.
• Hebrews 10:24-25 talks about "spurring one another on and encouraging one another." We NEED each other!
• Proverbs 11:14 says "For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers." {MANY, not ONE. MANY!}
• 3 John 8 says "We ought therefore to show hospitality to such people so that we may work together for the truth.

So, in looking at all of these verses, I see a theme:  We are not meant to be lone rangers, but we need each other and can work together for GOOD!  We all have different gifts, talents, abilities, and callings, but let's use them together for good! For me, that's His Kingdom!  So in looking back at our two definitions of team that pertain, they were {again}:

• a group of people who compete in a sport, game, etc., against another group
• a group of people who work together

From what I have experienced and what I can see, this is Team Beachbody, working together.  We are not competing against one another, as I have experienced in other companies before.  There is very much a culture of giving, of serving, of helping, of knowing we are all on the same team with the same goals.  And, that's where I maybe get hung up. My individualism gets in the way, my pride, my lack of wanting to need/depend on others for help.  See, that's ugly, isn't it? It's my past way of thinking not wanting to need others for fear of letting me down. {Duh, they are people, they ARE going to let me down.}  So, am I looking in the right place for my security? BUT GOD, is using it for His glory!  If these thoughts weren't going through my mind, I wouldn't have done the work to learn all of this, right?  It makes me ask hard questions, like what am I seeking here?  Is it my kingdom and my glory or is it His Kingdom and His glory and fame?  What's going on in my HEART?

So, to answer my original question that promoted this blog post, what do I think about Christians being in a direct sales/network marketing type of business model?  I think that Colossians 3:23 is a great way to summarize it: "Whatever you do, work at it with your whole being, for the Lord and not for men."  

Lord, please let this business be FOR YOU, about YOU, Your Kingdom and Your glory. Help me to not do anything out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but may all I do be for and about You, Jesus.  Please forgive me for my pride and selfishness getting in the way of Your will and Your best for me.  Please use me for Your glory.  In Jesus name, Amen.

Hugs, friends!  Thanks for being on this journey with me!  If you'd like more info on coaching, please let me know!  God is doing awesome things!

Somethings That Are On My Heart......

Honestly, I'm not even sure if I should post this or not, but there are some things that have been bubbling beneath the surface that need expressed. That's part of the reason for my facebook break....I have needed some time away from people, from situations and from that scene to process some thoughts and feelings I have. Here goes nothin' {vulnerable post alert!}

Now I'm not sure where to begin all that is going on. Yes, I'm in a company that we call a MLH{multi level helping. Back story ~ last year at Summit, our big conference, our CEO announced we are a MLH, not an MLM. MLM sounds yucky, has a bad wrap and that's not who we are, how we want to be known or how we roll. We HELP those around us! Another reason why I just love this company, the people in leadership and the mission/vision behind it.  We want to help, not market!} Yes, I have several friends on facebook. Part of that is due to being from a small town, where everyone knows everyone and their brothers' uncles :), from being super involved in various organizations in college and from moving around to several different states. Over time, it adds up! However, I will say, I have a some {not many} friends on facebook that I don't know or haven't met yet. The majority of the time, I have accepted a request from them if we have enough mutual friends in common. Or, we have conversed in a group and I feel comfortable sending a request. However, if we have a few friends, and I don't know you, sorry, not going to accept you.  {At least not until I do my homework first!} These are just some of the boundaries I have set on facebook, which also will play into my feelings once I get there :) So, to rewind, yes, I'm in a MLH company. My vision/mission/passion is to help women see their worth and value while teaching them the art of self care. That's my heart and why I do what I do.

There are so many things that I appreciate and enjoy and love about this business, one of them being the opportunity to reconnect with so many friends from various parts of my life. It's been great to reconnect and establish relationships with friends I grew up with, friends from college, friends from the various places we have lived. That has been a great gift that I'm so thankful for. However, on the flip side, we know nothing is perfect and each job/business has its own struggles, right? Well, I'm about to share some of mine with you. {Remember, the vulnerable post warning? Here we go.......}

If you are my friend on facebook, I consider you my friend in "real life," this means to me, I won't treat you differently on facebook than I would in person. Which translates to if you send me a message, I will reply. Just like if we were conversing in person, I would answer your question and not ignore you. Now, I understand it's easier in person because lots of us are stay at home mamas with kiddos that interrupt, need things, sidetrack us, etc. I understand that, I get it. There are times where I read a message and forget to reply! However, I try to be mindful and always reply even if I'm late. What hurts my feelings {again, being honest here.....} is when someone reaches out to me about something I've posted or asking a question, I reply, see that they have read the reply, then don't get back to me. Now, I will be the first to admit, this is from an area of woundedness I'm working through and God has done a mighty work, but I still don't get it. Let me just say this upfront, I appreciate it so much more when an honest reply of "no thank you," "this isn't a good time now," etc. is given vs being ignored. To me, it feels like disrespect; like I wasn't worth replying to; like I wasn't important enough, which again, goes back to woundedness. I understand that and the Lord and I are working on it. The same thing goes for replying but not answering the question....a straight up answer to me is better than avoidance. Now, I realize this isn't the case for everyone, but that's my personal opinion. Being a Communication major, it's interesting to see how all this plays out and how so many misunderstandings, hurt feelings, arguments, quarrels, fights, etc. come down to miscommunication. It makes me wonder if we were upfront, honest and real with one another if that might be avoided? It seems like we reply or respond {or don't}, based on various things: how we feel, what we have been taught or feel comfortable doing {avoiding or replying or ignoring, etc}. For me, the rule of thumb is the Golden Rule - to treat others the way we want to be treated. I feel like if someone took time out of their hectic life to write me, it must be important enough to them and the right thing to do would be to reply. I know and understand not everyone feels or operates that way though. 

The other thing I don't understand is when someone says one thing, then does another. What's that about?  Let your yes be yes and your no be no.  {Matthew 5:37}  Again, it's communication and honesty, don't you think?

Some thoughts that have crossed my mind with this ~ does this come down to expectations? Are my expectations of others too high? Is it realistic to think people that we know, care about and have relationship with will treat us as such {friends }? Or is it not? Should I not expect people to be courteous and reply? Am I doing the wrong thing if I care this much?  Is it healthy to care this much?  Am I too sensitive and just need to get over this?  Is this discouragement coming because there's something big coming?  Be honest here. I'm not looking for perfection or anything like that.....just trying to understand and see a point of view other than the one I've written about here. I understand social media might not be an "a priority," and I understand and respect that {another thing I'm workin on here!}......

The verse in Luke 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Are our messages our "littles?"   Not sure, just putting it out there.  Would really love your insights on this, friends.  Thanks for taking time to read this and hear my heart.  It means a lot to me and I value YOU and your friendship!

Thank you, again!

"But, What About Those?"

"But what about those?" is a question I seem to ask a lot.  About a lot of different scenarios, about different people groups, about different things.  Today, I want to write a blog "about those," in regards to something that's been on my heart the past few days.  Now before digging in, please hear me out.  I love the 4th of July.  In fact, please see last post here about that.  I also like fireworks.  I'm not saying they are terrible, evil, wrong or anything of the sort.  This is just another perspective on fireworks after some of my life experiences.

As you know, we recently celebrated the 4th of July.  A holiday filled with freedom, stars, stripes, red, white and blue, "America the Beautiful", cook outs, you know the drill....and fireworks.  Growing up, I used to love fireworks.  They were so fun and pretty. There was that one time we had to hose off a neighbors roof, but I digress....I've never had a problem with fireworks.  Now, I'm not one whose been over the moon, way into them either, but I haven't had a problem with them. Still don't, for the record.

Our daughter has sensory processing disorder {SPD}. Some of you may know what that is, some of you may not.  Let me quickly explain. There are 2 types - avoiders or seekers. Obviously, avoiders avoid what they are fearful of, sensory wise and seekers seek out what stimulates them, sensory wise. So in looking at the 5 senses, we have: sight, sound, smell, taste and touch.  Lauren, our daughter, is a sound avoider.  Loud noises startle her, scare her, send her into meltdowns {not tantrums, there's a difference there} and just really really impact her in a negative way. Thankfully, we have changed her nutrition, added some supplements to her diet, do chiropractic care regularly and have done OT. Those have been life changing for her!  In fact, so much so, sometimes we forget about the SPD.  If you have questions about this, let me know.  Love to share more of what we've done and what has helped her.  We forget about it until somethings like haircuts, storms and.....fireworks.

I posted on facebook the other day asking if other friends children slept through fireworks or if they woke them up.  A few people commented things like "you should take them," "don't they watch fireworks?," etc.  I know there was no ill intent behind the question and yes, if Lauren wasn't sensitive to sounds, we probably would take her.  But, she is and so we don't.  When your child is wincing every time a neighbor shoots off fireworks, you know a live firework display isn't the best place for them to be.  So, it made me think "what about those who aren't ok with fireworks?" Obviously, those with SPD came to mind, but what about our veterans who have combat related PTSD?  {Yes, I do have PTSD, but it's not related to combat, therefore, the fireworks don't bother me, But I see how they could impact someone who just came back from war.}  Isn't it interesting that we celebrate our country's freedom that so many risk their lives for by doing something that could negatively impact them?  Just something that came to mind after looking at various facebook posts. Some people may not have combat related PTSD or children with SPD, but what about pets?  Who else would be affected by fireworks?

Again, I'm not saying fireworks are bad, they should be outlawed, or anything like that, just thinking of ways to make them more enjoyable for those who are negatively affected by them.  Any thoughts?  Thanks for letting me put this out there.  Would love to hear any insights or thoughts you have on this.