Am I ___________ Enough?

Home.  Memories of the past.  People from the past.  Dreams I once had when I was young {and naive}.  These are all things I have been forced to confront/deal with/think about/process since moving back "home." See, when I was away, they were out of sight, out of mind, and not on my radar.  However, with being home, that is not the case.  I am forced to walk through these things and not avoid them.  {Which, truth be told, is what I prefer to do.  Avoid.  Sigh.}

I feel that now I am back and older, wiser and more mature {don't argue with me on these, it is true!} I see things so much differently than I did when I was young.  Now, I am able to look back at how I was when I was here and see where I was at in my life, and why I was that way.  I can see what my motivations were, what I was looking for.  What I needed, or thought I needed at that time.   For me, the root of it was insecurity.  "Am I ______ enough?" is a thought that often came to mind.  Or "I'm not _____ enough."  Fill in the blank - pretty, smart, thin, nice, honest, good.  Whatever word comes to mind, I probably wondered if I was enough of it. Seeing things this way makes me aware of why I did some of the things I did when I was younger.  I was looking for completion.  I was looking for meaning and to be meaningful.  I was looking for wholeness.  

It's funny how being back those thoughts can come flooding back.  I have found myself asking "Am I _______ enough," again.  Odd. And not fun.  It's like the memories run into my head again.  The feelings of inadequacy. But now, I am in a different place.  I am armed and equipped to combat those thoughts with the truth.  I can stand on the promises of God because they are true. There's a song by Mercy Me that has really been ministering to me a lot since we moved home.  It's called "Dear Younger Me."  Here's a clip of it for you to enjoy : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGpEns-I3kI

See, like the song says, I made my joy, my pain, my situation my worth.  If I knew then what I know now, it would not have been hard to figure out what I would have changed.  See, there are things that happen to us that we aren't meant to carry beyond the cross.  But, we do.  We let our pain, our struggles, our trials define us.  We let them have control of us instead of letting the Holy Spirit have control of us.  We then operate from that wound or hurt instead of being led by the Spirit.  "Hurting people hurt people," is a statement I have found to be so true.  When someone is hurting, they are so absorbed in their pain that all they know is pain.  So, they lash out and and put those around them in pain.  I don't believe it is intentional, but it is what happens.  Then, a cycle is created.  Pain causes pain, which causes more pain....see where I'm going with this?

All this to say, if you find yourself asking "Am I _______ enough?"  The answer is YES.  A resounding YES!  And, here is why:                                                  

You may not feel like you are enough.  You may not think you look like enough. However, what the world says is worth is really rubbish. So, don't let yourself go there, friend.  It's not worth it.  From someone who has been there, don't do it!  It is not worth it.  

Love & hugs,
Melissa