Technology is an interesting thing, isn't it? I have the Timehop app on my phone, but truth be told, it rarely gets looked at. Yet, for some reason, it caught my eye today. This post is what I found. {If you haven't read it yet, please do so.} In the way of true transparency, which is how I strive to live, there have been some struggles lately. Nothing life changing, major, anything like that, but some struggles none the less. Doubts, questions....the like.
There have been opportunities that have arisen that have caused these thoughts/feelings/emotions, as well as circumstances, as well as questions asked by others. Then of course, you have the whole picture vs. reality tension that I live in a lot. Seeing things one way, but the reality doesn't match that picture. Anyone know what I'm talking about there? So, all that to say, some things have led up that brought me to this place. Yet, I'm thankful in the midst of it because since returning from our cruise, a goal of mine has to be more intentional with my time. To slow down and hear the voice of God. He speaks in a still small voice that requires us to be still and listen. Yet, when our lives are so full and chaotic and over-programmed, it is harder to hear Him. At least that has been my experience.
So, today, I was reflecting on the blog post mentioned above and my dad. Wondering what he would be like if he were alive, wondering what I would be like, what our family would be like.....just wondering. I am curious, you know! Then, as I was sitting silently in our bedroom taking a mommy time-out {for real, it's spring break here, folks!}, it hit me. The reason fitting in has always been such a struggle for me. You might not know that but since I can remember, fitting in has been something I have so desperately wanted. It doesn't matter where, or with who, it was just important to me to fit in, to be accepted. In school, starting in elementary years, all the way through high school. Then, off to college, joining the sorority, and 50 million other organizations on campus {hello!} it continued. {Side note, God always makes everything work for our good {Romans 8:28}. I became a Christian because I wanted to fit in....that's another story for another time, but ask me about it if you'd like!} This pattern continued past college, way into adulthood. It's like I was this little girl walking up to people or groups trying to fit in with a piece of velcro asking "do I stick to you? Do I fit here?" Have you ever felt that way?
Well, back to sitting silently in our bedroom {another way to tell it's spring break, I'm chatty because there has been ZERO adult interaction today, eeek!!!}, God showed me the reason I struggle with fitting in is because of my childhood. See, my mom remarried when I was young and as a result, I was the only one in our family with a different last name. The rest of the family had the same last name, but not me. Stick out like a sore thumb much? Somehow that lie got planted there that I don't fit in with my family, so why would I fit in anywhere else? Thank God for showing me the root of the lie, so I can stand on the TRUTH of HIS WORD and defeat that! Isn't He good like that?
Thanks for reading, was pretty excited about this revelation and had to share to give Him the glory! He will draw near to those who draw near to Him, so draw near, friends! {James 4:8}. Love you, friends!
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