Hmmmm.....Mixed Bag

A friend posted this quote the other day and I've been thinking about it since.  "If you're struggling and your people are just sitting there, watching you struggle. They aren't your people." At first, it made me sad, but then as I thought about it more, I realized the truth in it.

The other thought that comes to mind is "Not everyone will understand your journey. That's ok, it's not theirs to understand." And again, that's true. Here's the thing. I'm not like everyone else. I've spent so much of my life trying to fit in and be like everyone else/to be approved/accepted/liked that I've missed out on being who God made me to be for much of that time. All those years slipped by because of my own insecurity. How sad. One of many things God is teaching me lately is WHOSE I am. That means what He has called me to do. What He is asking of me. And, again, that is something people might not understand. They might not accept. They might not support. As you may know, I started a new website recently to help women find freedom to be who God made them to be. And in my usual fashion, my expectations were way off, so I'm learning and growing in the process {isn't refining fun?} And, it's happening again. Friends don't understand. I have to remind myself, that's ok, it's not theirs to understand. Obedience to Him is more important than if I am accepted/liked/popular/etc. In a training I did, they kept saying "you're not here to be popular, you're here to share your purpose." Ugh, that is so challenging for me. Again, it's a constant reminder that I'm swimming upstream. And, along the way, people will misunderstand, they won't get it, some may question my intentions. And, again, I have to remind myself to guard my thoughts and renew my mind.

Does anyone else struggle with this, or am I alone in this? I'm sincerely curious so please let me know.

Thanks,
Melissa P.S. As I hit "publish" on this, God hit me with a thought...maybe the website is just as much about my freedom as it is the women in the community. #hmmm

Something NEW is coming!!!

Oh my goodness, friends, I am SO excited to share what God is doing!  Something new is coming! God has put something on my heart and I am being obedient and following His lead.  About three years ago, I started on a health and wellness journey.  What originally started as a way to lose some weight and become healthy became so much more! God has shown me that it's about stewardship of what He has given us and caring for ourselves so we can in turn care well for those around us: our families, the church, and so forth.  

I am super humbled and excited to introduce you to I Am Free 2 B.  This is a membership community for  women who desire to be free to be who God created us to be. We are women who love Jesus and desire to be good stewards of our bodies.  The word God keeps giving me is "toolbox."  This site is a toolbox for women who want to grow in the Lord with the renewing of their mind, healthy foods, healthy bodies and in turn, live a healthy life, free to be who He created us to be!

As a member of this community, you will receive the following:

* One Personal Development book recommendation for the month as we renew our minds together.
* Two clean eating recipes/week
* Suggestions and ideas for exercise
* Tips, tricks, inspiration and motivation to live the life He called you to {this will be in 1 blog post/week}.
* Access to lots of resources to equip and help you on your journey, including a meal planner, grocery template, companies that promote freedom and so on.
* Access to a members only facebook group where we can pray for each other, connect and have some member challenges.

If you'd like to learn more, please visit the site here.  This isn't about a product, or program, but about equipping you to be who God created you to be for His glory!  I'd love for you to be a part!

Blessings,
Melissa

Love and Some Thoughts On It

It's Friday afternoon and I was watching the March for Life in D.C. on the t.v.  Now that I have turned it off to write this post, I'm listening to Pandora.  "It Is Well," by Bethel is playing.  Man, this song is amazing!  Check it out here.  Seriously, this song gets me every time I hear it. {Sometimes I might act like the keyboard of my laptop is a piano and like I am playing along with it, but I'm getting off track here....}  This is one to play on repeat, over and over again.  {Now that it's over on Pandora, it is on YouTube.  At least there you can repeat it, lol!}

Oh, and I am wearing this shirt, which is where the blog idea came from. Love. Something it doesn't seem we are seeing a lot of lately, on the whole.  I think overall, if we were asked to describe the tone of our nation now, words like angry, upset, bitter, might come to mind, but loving.....not sure it would be up there.  Would you agree, or am I just tainted here?  {If that's the case, good!}

Not too long ago, {like less than hours ago!}, I posted this picture and said something like "choose love today. #loveyourneighborasyourself" Then, it hit me!  Is the reason we aren't full of love for our neighbor because we don't love ourselves?  I don't mean like a cocky, arrogant, full of yourself love, but the love the Bible talks about.  Are we walking around with our hurts, wounds and baggage that we either aren't willing to get rid of, or don't know how to get rid of and we are just walking around in our hurt and brokenness, projecting our hurts onto everyone around us?  I'm not asking to be judgmental, I'm asking because I have been there.  Ask my husband.  

"Hurting people hurt people," is something I have heard a lot and for the first part of our marriage, it was true and lived out daily.  I was so hurt, broken, wounded, offended, upset by things that had happened in the past that were affecting my current reality.  I was a hurting person hurting those around me {often those closest because I was safe with them, knew they loved and accepted me.  It wasn't this way with others, though.}

Is this what is happening in our society, but behind the filters of social media, we throw those fiery darts at our "friends?"  Have we wanted so bad to be right and show we are right, that we have forgotten WHAT is right? To be honest, the amount of hurtful things I have read on facebook has been heartbreaking.   It makes me wonder if we were in person, or face to face, would we be as bold and abrasive with our comments?  {And, just to disclaim here, no one was rude to me, I am just speaking about the comments and posts I have seen on facebook as of late.  This is not personal, nor is directed at anyone.  If I had a concern with someone, I would go directly to them to address it vs addressing it here in a passive aggressive way.}  Thankfully, when I have posted about it, my friends have been respectful and kind.  And, that's a beautiful thing.  The ability to agree to disagree in a civil way.  You may not agree or like everything I post on social media, and that is fine.  You don't have to.  {If you don't, I appreciate you being kind about it, so thank you :)  No one has been rude to my face or on my wall, so thank you!}  

Back to our brokenness, do you really love yourself?  Do you know that Jesus died for YOU?  Do you live like a daughter or son of the King? Because you are.  So many people don't walk around in their inheritance and it's so sad.  It's like the story of the couple who saved up all their money to go on a cruise and brought their own food because they didn't realize their food was included.  So instead of joining everyone at the nice meals, they ate bread and water in their cabin.  Talk about missing out!  Don't do that, don't be like that. And, this isn't meal time.....this is your LIFE! Walk in the righteousness Christ died to give you.  It is your right as His child.  Once we are healed in Him, we have a different perspective.  Things that used to trip us up or make us angry don't have that hold on us anymore {at least from my personal experience.}  If you want to be free, but don't know where to start, please let me know.  I would love to share my journey and what He has done in my life.  

It seems to me that in order to love others, we have to first love ourselves, yes?  Doesn't the Bible say "love your neighbor as yourself," Mark 12:31.  But if you don't have that view of yourself that Jesus has for you, can you have it for those around you?  The saying "you can't give someone something you don't have," is coming to mind now, so possibly?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this as always, friends.  This is a place for me to share some random thoughts I have.  I always love to dialogue, so let me know what you think :)

Marching, Time and Worth

I'm still sorting and process a lot here, so this is a work in progress as thoughts are leaving my brain, and being transferred to this blog. There was a march this weekend.  More specifically, a women's march.  For me being a woman, it's important that I understand what the objective of this was.  To be honest, I am still not 100% sure and to some that makes me part of the problem, according to their facebook post.  However, I believe that not understanding and not trying to understand is part of the problem vs not understanding and trying to understand.  So, there's that.

I have friends who marched.  Some marched for women's rights.  Some marched against Trump. What I struggle with is the lack of clarity/unity around what the march was for. Was it for women's rights?  What is anti-Trump?  Against both?  There doesn't seem to be a clear sense to me, what the purpose of the march was, as a whole.  Yes, people marched for various reasons, but the point of the march as a whole remains fuzzy to me.  {If you know, please feel free to share.  Again, I am open and want to understand.}  If the march is to make your voice heard, there are lots of ways in addition to marching to let your voice be heard.

As I look at the "Womens March on Washington" website, I see some "Unity Principles" listed, which I love, and agree with.  I think my bigger question with all of this is what is happening beyond the march? What are we doing as individuals to model unity?  How are we as women uniting to support one another?  I just recently received a magazine that on the front cover said "Mommy Wars."  On the inside, it talked about the mommy wars between working moms, stay at home moms, etc.  It was spot on.  There's an area we can unite in ~ motherhood.  Let's cut the judgmental mama junk {you know what I'm talking about if you're a mama.  The whole breastfed vs. bottle fed, Pinterest mom competition, etc.  You know.....}  What are we doing outside of the march to promote, encourage, model and create what we marched for?

A lot of people took a lot of time out of their schedules to march this weekend.  Time.  It's one of the most precious things we have and something we can never get back . Once it's gone, it is gone. Unlike money, we can't earn more time.  That's just not how it works.  To me, when you value something, when it is worth something, you invest time in it.  Let's talk relationships for example. I believe it is respectful, considerate and tells the person they matter to you if you reply to them if they have reached out.  It's a simple way of saying "you matter to me."  Just like the march, you did it because it mattered to you, right?   You spend time with and invest time in people that matter to you, right?  So if you took time to march, maybe you could model people matter to you by replying to them as well as marching?  That's one way to say you value people, in addition to marching.

Women marched this weekend because they believe it was worth it.  They believe what they marched for was worth it.  If it was women's rights, for example, the point is that women matter, yes?  {Again, if I am off here, please correct me.}  So, what are we doing on a consistent basis to show our children that we matter?  I am a woman.  For me, that looks like taking care of myself.  I read my Bible daily, I read personal development, I watch what I put in and on my body, I work out.  It's self care because I believe I am worth taking care of {you are too, for that matter!} While I didn't march this weekend, I think my children are more likely to remember those consistent acts vs a march I might have participated in once in a while.  {Again, not saying the march is bad, but adding these things IN ADDITION TO.} 

I appreciate the masses of people marching to impact change this weekend.  Let's just not forget the power of one as well.  We each have the power to choose love or hate each day. We each have the power to choose unity or division daily.  We have the power to choose positive or negative.  Let's not forget it starts with us.  We can be the change we wish to see in the world, right?  This was confirmed for me a few times today via messages from friends thanking me for encouraging them to remember the dream God put in their heart, and another one thanking me for helping her change her nutrition.  As a result, one friend is chasing that God-given dream, and the other one's friend is also changing their nutrition as well.  Each one, reach one, right?  

The Church: A Hospital For Sinners?

The hospital.  Ugh.  Not someplace I am fond of.  As I was there with my mom last week for her angiogram, it hit me.  Life.  Death.  Both take place in the hospital.  Good.  Bad.  Joyful. Hard.  Sad. Happy.  Healing. It all takes place there.  The hospital.

As I was walking the halls last week to the waiting room, bathrooms, cafeteria, all these thoughts and feelings were going through my mind and heart. God was starting to speak to me, but didn't finish it until today.  Initially, I was angry about the church being referred to as a hospital for sinners.  "Why would anyone want to go there {church} if that's what it is referred to?"  "What good happens here, at the hospital, other than birth?"  "What good happens here?"  Those are some thoughts that went through my head that day. Apparently, the newness of my dad's passing at the hospital is still fresh and "raw" in me.  Death. That's what I associate with the hospital. That brings up a myriad of emotions and feelings. Christ had to die to set us free.  Death brought life and freedom and joy and all that He gives us, so freely and without us deserving any of it.  Death.  Where loved ones leave this earth and your life, and hopefully, as my dad did, know Jesus and go their eternal home of heaven, where there is no pain, no suffering, no hurt {Revelation 21:4}.  But there's more to death, which I will get into later.

On the flip side, LIFE happens at the hospital. Babies are born everyday, bringing new life into the world.  That's a blessing, and again, something Christ's death brought to us ~ life {John 10:10}. However, last week, the experience of death overshadowed the life component.  I wonder if that's what happens in our day to day lives, we get so caught up in death that we forget life?  That death overpowers life?  Jesus died for us to have life to the full, so really death brings life.  That's exactly what we are going through now with our church, the "Live|Dead Joy" book by Dick Brogden.  Highly recommend, by the way.

I actually asked my friend, who is a pastor herself and the pastor's wife how she felt about the church being called a hospital for sinners.  She replied "we are all sinners."  I then went onto say something like "but who likes to go to the hospital?"   As I have had more time to think about that, the Holy Spirit has convicted me that my statement comes from a place of pride.  Pride in saying I want to be well, I don't want to be sick.  I don't want to need medical attention because I am healthy.  Isn't that like saying I don't need Jesus?  That I can do it on my own?  Forgive me for my pride, Lord.  I am a sinner who clearly needs Your help; I can't do this on my own.   I need the LIFE that you bring by my dying.  Dying to self.  Dying to sin.

Today's "Live|Dead Joy" smacked me right between the eyes.  He says "We are comfortable and desirous of the Spirit-led life, quick to embrace the power, guidance, deliverance, and liberty the Spirit gives - but we are slow to accept that the Spirit also leads to death."  WOW!  Quick to embrace life, but slow to accept death.  That's exactly what I was thinking about at the hospital.  He continues "All who follow Jesus must come to terms with the Spirit leading them to death; the death of self-will, which leads to the deliverance of others.  We do not live to be served, but to serve and to give our lives for the ransom of others {Matt 20:28}.  If we do this joyfully, we will indeed be baptized with the baptism of Jesus."  

So, this is my moment of coming to terms with the Spirit leading me to death and being THANKFUL the church is a HOSPITAL for sinners.  I clearly need the LIFE, support, help and aide that Jesus offers in His home.  I have to admit something is wrong, that I am sinful and in need of a Savior to go there.

Curious what your take is on the church being called a "hospital for sinners?"

Blessings on you abundantly today, friends!

2016: The Year of Loss. With Every Loss, There is a Gain....

As I've been thinking on the past year for the last few days, I realize 2016 has been a year of loss. However, that sounds dramatic and kind of sad, to be honest. The Year of Loss. Yikes. But, at the same time it is true. However, God is faithful and reminded me that with loss comes gain. The gains might not look how we want or be what we want them to be, but His Word says "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. " ~ Philippians 1:21 So, here, the author is saying dying is gain. We might consider dying a loss, verses a gain. Again, loss comes with gain....I'll explain.

It would be easy to focus on the loss of my dad this year, since that was a significant event for me in 2016, however, as I looked back over the year, there were other losses as well. And, of course, gains.

* We lost our preschooler this year, and gained a kindergartner.

* We lost our second grader this year, and gained a third grader.

Those are natural losses, that come with gains that are a sign of progression. Those are positive losses because you know what is next, it is expected. It might hurt some to think of your babies growing up, but on the other side, that's the goal of parents, to raise their children so they grow up and become thriving independent adults. So, the grades are a natural progression. For us, they are happy milestones of accomplishment for our kiddos.

An unexpected loss for us this year was God's call for us to change churches. Nothing happened with our old church, and we still love that body very much. God was calling us to worship in our community. That was a loss that came with a gain as well. We lost one body and gained another. While it is clear that God called us to a new body of believers, it also involved some tears and some grieving, as we love those people in that church and the people we had built relationships with.

Another surprising loss I've just become aware of is kind of personal, but with me doing Core de Force in November, I lost my desire for programs that don't push me!  See, I've thrived on programs that allow me to go through the motions and not really challenge me, however, doing Core de Force changed that for me.  I've gone back to doing a program that isn't as challenging and I miss my challenge!  So I've gained endurance, strength and momentum with my fitness and have lost some desire for not challenging myself.  Never thought I would say that, friends.

The final loss that happened this year was the loss of my dad in September. That's been an interesting journey to navigate. While we know he is in a better place and he is whole and healed, it still hurts. Our loss was heaven's gain, however, my mom and I are developing a new relationship now. Relationships are changing, those could be considered gains as well, I suppose.  

I think those are the big losses that have occurred this year.  But at the same time, if I only focused on the loss, I would miss the gain.  And that feels and seems hopeless.  I don't serve a God who is hopeless though, I serve a God of hope.

If this has been a year of hurts, losses and pains as well, friend, my encouragement to you is to ask God what He has for you in that. He is a good Father and has our best interests at heart.  So many times instead of asking God what He wants for us, we get mad at Him, ignore Him, block Him or turn away entirely. See what He has for you.  "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  ~ Romans 8:28
Here's to a great 2017 ahead!

It's All About Food!

Yesterday, our family was home-bound due to icy roads.  So, we stayed home all day and had a great time together!  There was lots of family time :)  We did puzzles, watched basketball {nice win, Boilers over the Irish!}, did some crafts, and cooked.  As I was reflecting on the day, it hit me.  The day was a lot about food.  At first, I had mixed feelings about that.  See, most of my life, my relationship with food has been unhealthy. So, when the realization hit that a lot of our inside family time was consumed with food, I had mixed feelings.  But, I realize that stems from my own personal past unhealthy relationship and mindset towards food.

I've been on both sides of the ditch with food...under-eating and overeating.  Neither are good.  Obviously, both stem from deeper issues that the Lord has brought much healing to.  For that, I am super grateful. Since starting my own health journey almost 3 years ago, my passion, knowledge and desire to learn more has only grown.  Why is that?  Well, I'd love to tell you.

I have seen how small changes to and with food has changed our lives.  With our daughter having sensory processing disorder and both kids and myself having food allergies, we have learned that food affects EVERYTHING.  Not only for them, but for my husband and I as well.  We have learned this by being on our own journey.  We eat a mainly clean diet, meaning no processed foods.  We are gluten free, dairy free and dye free.  We try to eat as natural as possible and it's changed our lives for the better.  Sleep is better, digestion/gi/bowel issues are better, mind is more clear, energy level is higher, behavior is better; it has truly been life changing for us.

Was there some mourning/grieving involved with making the changes we have?  Sure. We were sad to think about our kids not having ice cream, or birthday cake or other treats that were a part of our childhoods.  However, there are a lot of alternatives now, for which we are thankful.  It's also made me think about the relationship I have with food.  Is it something I should mourn or grieve about? Yes, it's a loss, but what does it mean to me that I'm mourning the loss of food?  See, it's deeper than just the surface appears to be, at least for me. 

There are some frustrations that come along with this, though too.  I think a lot of people think eating clean is "boring," "bland," or that all we eat are salads and veggies.  That's so far from the truth!  Look at the above picture from yesterday....we ate pancakes for breakfast, chili for dinner and had ice cream for dessert!  The kicker is it's just like we ate before we ate clean, but we made some small tweaks.  Just like the books "The Slight Edge," or "The Compound Effect" will tell you, those small changes over time = big results.  So it's been with us, our small tweaks to our foods have led to big results over time. 

Have I felt deprived?  Not at all!  In fact, I'm eating more now than I think I ever have before.  But the quality of the food is better, and I know how much of what type of food to eat. When people think they have to not eat or restrict their calories to a ridiculously low number to lose weight drives me nuts!  That's simply not true, but that's what we are taught. The reality is it lies in the quality of what you eat not the quantity.  

It's frustrating that not only are there all of these misconceptions out there, but that people continue to believe them.  No pill, patch, coffee {yup, I tried fat burning coffee before too!}, wrap, etc. is going to give you what good nutrition does.  That comes from food.  What you eat, what you drink.  The quality of what you put into your body.

I've done quite a bit of research on this and have learned so much!  Some books I recommend are: "The Virgin Diet," by JJ Virgin, "The Adrenal Reset Diet," by Dr. Alan Christianson, "Brain Maker," by Dr. David Perlmutter, and "The Autoimmune Solution," by Dr. Amy Myers.  Read them, learn about the connection between food and our brains, and our bodies.  You will be surprised!  If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.  Maybe being in a 21 Day Fix Virtual Accountability Group like I was almost 3 years ago would be a good start?  If so, please contact me.

So, at the end of the day my conclusion about food is this:  It really is all about food.  We live in a society that revolves around food, it's a fact.  We are constantly celebrating with food, or mourning with food, food is 99% of the time involved, right?

But instead of not getting enough, or too much of the bad stuff, it's about getting the right amounts of the right kinds of foods. From someone who has had a very flawed and broken relationship with food, I'm thankful for what I've been through, what I've learned and for where I'm at.  Instead of fearing my children having all of these memories involving food, I'm ok with that. Hopefully, we are teaching them that food is nourishment, fuel to sustain them, to heal them and it is good, rather than to view it as something for comfort, or boredom or some of the unhealthy views I had on it {even being the enemy at one point, was something I thought.}  It's my chance to give them a healthy view and relationship with food, and for that I'm thankful.