Somethings That Are On My Heart......

Honestly, I'm not even sure if I should post this or not, but there are some things that have been bubbling beneath the surface that need expressed. That's part of the reason for my facebook break....I have needed some time away from people, from situations and from that scene to process some thoughts and feelings I have. Here goes nothin' {vulnerable post alert!}

Now I'm not sure where to begin all that is going on. Yes, I'm in a company that we call a MLH{multi level helping. Back story ~ last year at Summit, our big conference, our CEO announced we are a MLH, not an MLM. MLM sounds yucky, has a bad wrap and that's not who we are, how we want to be known or how we roll. We HELP those around us! Another reason why I just love this company, the people in leadership and the mission/vision behind it.  We want to help, not market!} Yes, I have several friends on facebook. Part of that is due to being from a small town, where everyone knows everyone and their brothers' uncles :), from being super involved in various organizations in college and from moving around to several different states. Over time, it adds up! However, I will say, I have a some {not many} friends on facebook that I don't know or haven't met yet. The majority of the time, I have accepted a request from them if we have enough mutual friends in common. Or, we have conversed in a group and I feel comfortable sending a request. However, if we have a few friends, and I don't know you, sorry, not going to accept you.  {At least not until I do my homework first!} These are just some of the boundaries I have set on facebook, which also will play into my feelings once I get there :) So, to rewind, yes, I'm in a MLH company. My vision/mission/passion is to help women see their worth and value while teaching them the art of self care. That's my heart and why I do what I do.

There are so many things that I appreciate and enjoy and love about this business, one of them being the opportunity to reconnect with so many friends from various parts of my life. It's been great to reconnect and establish relationships with friends I grew up with, friends from college, friends from the various places we have lived. That has been a great gift that I'm so thankful for. However, on the flip side, we know nothing is perfect and each job/business has its own struggles, right? Well, I'm about to share some of mine with you. {Remember, the vulnerable post warning? Here we go.......}

If you are my friend on facebook, I consider you my friend in "real life," this means to me, I won't treat you differently on facebook than I would in person. Which translates to if you send me a message, I will reply. Just like if we were conversing in person, I would answer your question and not ignore you. Now, I understand it's easier in person because lots of us are stay at home mamas with kiddos that interrupt, need things, sidetrack us, etc. I understand that, I get it. There are times where I read a message and forget to reply! However, I try to be mindful and always reply even if I'm late. What hurts my feelings {again, being honest here.....} is when someone reaches out to me about something I've posted or asking a question, I reply, see that they have read the reply, then don't get back to me. Now, I will be the first to admit, this is from an area of woundedness I'm working through and God has done a mighty work, but I still don't get it. Let me just say this upfront, I appreciate it so much more when an honest reply of "no thank you," "this isn't a good time now," etc. is given vs being ignored. To me, it feels like disrespect; like I wasn't worth replying to; like I wasn't important enough, which again, goes back to woundedness. I understand that and the Lord and I are working on it. The same thing goes for replying but not answering the question....a straight up answer to me is better than avoidance. Now, I realize this isn't the case for everyone, but that's my personal opinion. Being a Communication major, it's interesting to see how all this plays out and how so many misunderstandings, hurt feelings, arguments, quarrels, fights, etc. come down to miscommunication. It makes me wonder if we were upfront, honest and real with one another if that might be avoided? It seems like we reply or respond {or don't}, based on various things: how we feel, what we have been taught or feel comfortable doing {avoiding or replying or ignoring, etc}. For me, the rule of thumb is the Golden Rule - to treat others the way we want to be treated. I feel like if someone took time out of their hectic life to write me, it must be important enough to them and the right thing to do would be to reply. I know and understand not everyone feels or operates that way though. 

The other thing I don't understand is when someone says one thing, then does another. What's that about?  Let your yes be yes and your no be no.  {Matthew 5:37}  Again, it's communication and honesty, don't you think?

Some thoughts that have crossed my mind with this ~ does this come down to expectations? Are my expectations of others too high? Is it realistic to think people that we know, care about and have relationship with will treat us as such {friends }? Or is it not? Should I not expect people to be courteous and reply? Am I doing the wrong thing if I care this much?  Is it healthy to care this much?  Am I too sensitive and just need to get over this?  Is this discouragement coming because there's something big coming?  Be honest here. I'm not looking for perfection or anything like that.....just trying to understand and see a point of view other than the one I've written about here. I understand social media might not be an "a priority," and I understand and respect that {another thing I'm workin on here!}......

The verse in Luke 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Are our messages our "littles?"   Not sure, just putting it out there.  Would really love your insights on this, friends.  Thanks for taking time to read this and hear my heart.  It means a lot to me and I value YOU and your friendship!

Thank you, again!

"But, What About Those?"

"But what about those?" is a question I seem to ask a lot.  About a lot of different scenarios, about different people groups, about different things.  Today, I want to write a blog "about those," in regards to something that's been on my heart the past few days.  Now before digging in, please hear me out.  I love the 4th of July.  In fact, please see last post here about that.  I also like fireworks.  I'm not saying they are terrible, evil, wrong or anything of the sort.  This is just another perspective on fireworks after some of my life experiences.

As you know, we recently celebrated the 4th of July.  A holiday filled with freedom, stars, stripes, red, white and blue, "America the Beautiful", cook outs, you know the drill....and fireworks.  Growing up, I used to love fireworks.  They were so fun and pretty. There was that one time we had to hose off a neighbors roof, but I digress....I've never had a problem with fireworks.  Now, I'm not one whose been over the moon, way into them either, but I haven't had a problem with them. Still don't, for the record.

Our daughter has sensory processing disorder {SPD}. Some of you may know what that is, some of you may not.  Let me quickly explain. There are 2 types - avoiders or seekers. Obviously, avoiders avoid what they are fearful of, sensory wise and seekers seek out what stimulates them, sensory wise. So in looking at the 5 senses, we have: sight, sound, smell, taste and touch.  Lauren, our daughter, is a sound avoider.  Loud noises startle her, scare her, send her into meltdowns {not tantrums, there's a difference there} and just really really impact her in a negative way. Thankfully, we have changed her nutrition, added some supplements to her diet, do chiropractic care regularly and have done OT. Those have been life changing for her!  In fact, so much so, sometimes we forget about the SPD.  If you have questions about this, let me know.  Love to share more of what we've done and what has helped her.  We forget about it until somethings like haircuts, storms and.....fireworks.

I posted on facebook the other day asking if other friends children slept through fireworks or if they woke them up.  A few people commented things like "you should take them," "don't they watch fireworks?," etc.  I know there was no ill intent behind the question and yes, if Lauren wasn't sensitive to sounds, we probably would take her.  But, she is and so we don't.  When your child is wincing every time a neighbor shoots off fireworks, you know a live firework display isn't the best place for them to be.  So, it made me think "what about those who aren't ok with fireworks?" Obviously, those with SPD came to mind, but what about our veterans who have combat related PTSD?  {Yes, I do have PTSD, but it's not related to combat, therefore, the fireworks don't bother me, But I see how they could impact someone who just came back from war.}  Isn't it interesting that we celebrate our country's freedom that so many risk their lives for by doing something that could negatively impact them?  Just something that came to mind after looking at various facebook posts. Some people may not have combat related PTSD or children with SPD, but what about pets?  Who else would be affected by fireworks?

Again, I'm not saying fireworks are bad, they should be outlawed, or anything like that, just thinking of ways to make them more enjoyable for those who are negatively affected by them.  Any thoughts?  Thanks for letting me put this out there.  Would love to hear any insights or thoughts you have on this.

"What's Your Favorite Holiday?"

"What's your favorite holiday, aside from Easter and Christmas?"  That's the question I asked Chad tonight as we were slicing up some peaches to freeze.  {Hello, Peach Truck delivery!  Yummo!}  Ya know what his reply was?  "Thanksgiving."  Know what my reply was?  If you know me well, or you've been following me, you know there's something I'm passionate about.  It's in my business name, my team name, it's in my bones......FREEDOM!  {Yes, act like I'm in Braveheart here, ok?!} My favorite holiday is the 4th of July!  Why?  Because of all that it stands for and represents! FREEDOM!

So many thoughts buzzing around my head right now around this topic, I will try to keep on the straight and narrow here, folks!  It's not just the red, white and blue, or the stars and stripes I love.  {Yes, I'm a fan of those and love decorating with those during this month too!}, but it's about so much more than that to me. It's the meaning behind it.  It's what the day means and how it relates to my life.

With us moving back to my "childhood home," well close enough to, I've been thinking a lot about life.  Ya know, things I've been through, what God has shown me through it all, what I've learned from it, etc. Even before Jesus set me free, or I knew Him, I loved the 4th of July.  The idea of freedom and the HOPE that it gave me of being free one day were always in my heart.  Yet, when something is in your heart, but within reach it can be frustrating, can't it?  Maybe you can relate?  But now that I am free, it means so much more.

It's interesting moving away, learning, growing, getting married, having children, changing, being set free, learning who you are, ya know, big things, then being called back to where it all started for you.  Kinda surreal, honestly.  But, also very cool to look back at where I was, what God has done in and through me and what He has brought me through to come back here.  Wow, I'm totally not the same person I was when I was here. Sure, parts of me are the same, personality maybe some the same, but the inside of me is totally different.  I've gone from being an insecure, paranoid girl who was looking to outward things to fulfill and complete my brokenness to a secure, confident woman who knows who she is and WHOSE she is.  God has done a mighty work in my life and to Him be the glory.  The things He has set me free from, too numerous to list, but some of them include:

* Looking for significance or sense of worth in busy-ness.
* Food/sugar addiction.
* Insecurity
* Lack of confidence
* Fear
* Shame

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  ~ Galatians 5:1  {One of my favorite verses!}

So, friends, what has He set you free from? Or, what do you need Him to set you free from?
Happy 4th of July friends, celebrate your freedom today and Happy Birthday, America! 

Expectations

Can we please just talk about expectations for a sec here?  I was talking with a friend recently and realized that expectations play such a vital role in our lives.   Yet, we might not realize it.

For example, when someone tells you they will do something, do you EXPECT they will do it?  I do.  I'm the type of person who when I say I will do something, I do.  As a result, I EXPECT others to do the same.  When the expectations are unmet, that is when frustration and hurt can enter the picture. Unmet expectations.

Sometimes, I will tell people what they can expect of me, and in return, what the expectation is of them.  This works well for adults and children.  It appears to me that a lot of frustration in life and in relationships are caused by miscommunication and/or unmet expectations.  Think about the last time you experienced frustration...what was the cause?

The expectations may or may not have been communicated, which can also cause the problem.  This seems to happen a lot in marriage.  Have you ever expected your spouse to be able to read your mind?  I have. And, truth be told, it's not fair to either of us.
Anyone relate to what I'm sharing here?

My encouragement to you today is this ~ be clear with your expectations; being upfront and honest is never a bad thing.  Treat others the way you want to be treated. Communicate.  

Have a great day!

Ch-ch-ch-changes....Are A Comin'!!

Truthfully, I'm not sure where or how to begin this post, but I do know that God gave me a download this morning and I need to process it.  Funny thing is, God speaks to me when I'm doing things. {Maybe because He knows slowing down is a struggle for me, but I'm working on it.}  This morning as I was making some banana blueberry muffins for my family, He spoke.  So, here goes my processing of what He said.

Let me rewind a bit for you, so we have the whole picture here.  For the past few weeks, I have been in a funk.  Not sure why until now. Perhaps it was the reset, I've thought?  Or summer?  Or no margin for me, which I DESPERATELY need?  What is it that has had me in a funk?  I've been unable to put my finger on it until now.  It's been to the point where I have been looking for part time jobs. That's usually my first key that something is "off."  See, it's easy for me to justify working ~ it would be good to work part time, be out of the house, have a "place of my own," have boundaries from home/separation, something to DO.  Yes, I'm a coach and I love coaching and believe it's been a great fit for me for the time being, but like I said I couldn't quite put my finger on what was up.  As I've looked for jobs, they have been too confining ~ full time, no thanks, I don't want or need to work full time currently.  Part time ~ there are very FEW part time jobs that 1. are flexible {think hours of 8-12; 1-5.....I have children to drop off and pick up at school people!} 2. that are a good fit for my skills, abilities and passions. Which leads me to the realization that my theory of working part time doesn't match my current reality.  Then, I feel stuck.  Ugh. Melissa doesn't like to be stuck.  If you know me well, you know that is true.  

A few weeks ago, I started to read a phenomenal book by Lara Casey about fear. It's called "Make It Happen: Surrender Your Fear, Take the Leap, Live On Purpose." Highly recommend it!  One of the exercises in the book makes you list your fears.  One of the ones I listed is "fear of missing my life." To be honest, I don't know where that came from, but I wrote it down and didn't really think much of it.

Fast forward to yesterday, I came home from teaching Cize Live and started to work on my facebook like page.  As I was working on it, I could feel the irritation rising, but didn't know the root of it.  The irritation continued throughout the day and Chad and I had a nice long talk last night about where I'm at, what I'm doing, what I feel God is calling me to, etc. To be honest, I don't know....there are a lot of question marks right now so I'm pressing into Him and asking Him to show me His plans for me and my life.  

I think part of it too, is come fall, I will have 2 kiddos in school full time, which will be a first for me in 8 years.  I think that's an underlying part of all this.....There is a goal I've wanted to hit for sometime now that hasn't happened that has me frustrated, I think I am learning I care more than most people do about themselves, which is frustrating because you can't make people care.  So, there are all these tiny little irritations adding up, it seems.  And, of course, that fear of missing my life........

So, now that we have the backstory covered, this morning as I was making muffins, I heard God say "you are afraid of missing your life, and your fear of missing your life is making you miss your life," or something to that effect.  WHOA.  See, I'm striving so hard and working so hard on all these goals and things that I can't control, and they are kinda making me miss my life.  In my spirit, I know I need to have better boundaries and be more focused during work time.  I need to be INTENTIONAL. A plan needs to be in place for me to follow and get the "a priorities" done so that when the kids are awake/active/home/ready, I'm all in.  I want to be fully present and engaged with my family, but haven't been.  And, that is my own fault.  I've been too worried about missing something online and in someone else's life, that it's taken away from my own.  Ouch. These are hard words to type.

So, now that the realization/awareness is there, what do I do with it?  That's really what matters and makes the difference, right?  Is that the action is taken in the direction we want to go.  Since accountability is key with anything we want to achieve, I'm writing out the following and asking you, my friends, to please hold me accountable for these things:

* I am committing to not spend as much time on social media/my computer each day.
* I am committing to set office hours and work in those pockets of time.  They will be morning before the kids are awake, a check at lunch/afternoon time, and after they are in bed.  If you message me, please know I will reply in 24 hours.
* I am committing to not be a "johnny on the spot" reply type of person anymore!
* I am committing to being more present for my family and friends in person than I am online.

Anyone else struggle with this, or is it just me?  Thanks for helping me with this, friends! We need each other in this life, don't we?

In closing, this quote from Mother Teresa has been showing up a few times and it's resonating with me.  This:

Let's Talk About Fear.....What the Heck Are We So Afraid Of? And, Why?

Can I just be really real, honest, transparent and vulnerable with you?  If you've said no, go ahead and stop reading, it's ok.  My feelings won't be hurt, I won't be offended.  I'm sitting here in tears this morning.  Know why? Because of fear.  I am grieved by how many people let that stupid f word hold them back from living.  In so many ways!  {And by f word, I mean fear.....hope ya know that!}  I know because I've been there.

God has really opened my eyes in the past few months to 2 things that have held me back from reaching my potential for Him.  They are shame and fear.  Ironically, "fearless" was my word for last year.  "Unashamed" is my word for this year.  Yet, there is still so much fear in me I'm realizing. Here are some of my fears, to be really honest {see, here I go!!!!}

• Fear of leaving the house with things out of place.  Why does that scare me?  Not sure, maybe it's more of control and not wanting to come home to a mess?  Still processing that one.
  
• Fear of what people think of me.  This is big.  I don't ever want to be "that girl." Who the heck is "that girl," anyway and what did she do to anyone?  Part of what God is showing me is to be ME.  For someone who has had identity issues for most of her life, this is new for me.  But, I am learning that He has made me with a huge heart to help people, with a heart for business, with a desire to see lives transformed by Him and His power, but also by food and nutrition . Our bodies are temples for His glory, after all, so don't we need to learn to treat them as such? But why don't we?  For me, my issues were fear and shame {this may be another post, friends, I'm digressing here}. Back to what people think of me....I am His child, passionate about helping others be their best selves.  I'm not going to hold back from posting who I am or what He has called me to.  Learning to accept that if people don't like me or my posts and choose to unfollow me, that is ok.  I'm not here for their purpose or glory, but for His.
  
• Fear of my success being selfish.  This is a big one for me.  Still praying and asking God to reveal the root of it.  Work in progress here!
  
• Fear of not being liked/approved.  Yup, people pleaser in remission here.  Pretty sure I'm aware of the cause/root of it and have worked and will continue to work on this.  I do think that the core, everyone does want to be loved and accepted, right? {Maslow's hierarchy of needs?}
  
• Fear of the loss of control.  Now, this one is just dumb, I know because I'm not really in control!  Yet, I feel {ugh, those feelings are deceptive, friends!} that when my "ducks are in a row" and I'm prepared for the next thing, I am.  When that isn't the case, fear rises up.
  
• Fear of the unknown.  Ugh, this might go back to the control issue mentioned above.
  
  So, now that I have bared my soul here, what are some things you are afraid of? I'm learning to ask myself "where does this fear come from," and "what is the WORST that could happen if these fears happened?" Normally, it isn't that big of a deal, in the worst case scenario.  The root of the fear is the hurdle it seems, because that's work. It's work to go back and figure that out, there might be pain involved, but from someone who is starting to come out on the other side of the fear, it's so worth it!
  
  If you struggle with fear, I recommend the book "Make It Happen, Surrender Your Fear, Take the Leap, Live on Purpose," by Lara Casey.  Life changing, friends!  Please don't let fear hold you back from being all God called you to be and all He has for you. "It is for FREEDOM He set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not LET YOURSELVES {it's a choice, my addition here....} be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  ~ Galatians 5:1.
  
  What is slavery?  "A condition compared to that of a slave in respect to exhausting labor or RESTRICTED FREEDOM."  Not sure about you, but restricted freedom sure doesn't sound like what Jesus came to give us, does it?  Step out of your fear friends, I'm doing it right alongside you as well.  It's time to get the noose of fear off of your neck and WALK IN YOUR FREEDOM, without shame, without guilt, without fear. Let's do this!!!  {Phil. 4:13}
  
  Blessings,
  Melissa

Looking At A Home Based Business, or Way to Earn Income From Home? Can I Help?

Hiya!  Are you looking to build a home based business, or a way to earn income from home?  Can I help?  You might be thinking "well, you've had how many businesses, how can you help?"  Exactly.  I have done several different businesses and offer a unique perspective of things to consider before you decide.  They say "make your mess your message," so hopefully my mess will help you!

It might be helpful for you to know some of the various businesses I've tried.  Are ya ready?  {You might need to take your socks off to count on your toes too, LOL!}

                   

Mary Kay
Taste of Home Entertaining ~ trip earner, top recruiter for the company, Director status
Send Out Cards
Jockey Person to Person
Initial Outfitters
Boresha Fat Burning Coffee
Neal's Yard Remedies

There might be more, if there are, I honestly forget at this point, ha.  I've been a Team Beachbody Coach now for 2 years and if I had known then what I know now, I would have joined this opportunity much sooner.  Here are my tips/things for you to consider:

1. Does the business model fit my life? Meaning how do you share the products?  Is it at parties? Through social media?  If social media, do you have to take a lot of pictures to upload?  What does the company encourage you to do to share the products and the business?  If it is a party plan model, does that work for this season of your life with your family and other responsibilities?  Definitely think that through.  That is ultimately why I stopped with Taste of Home Entertaining.  I had a newborn baby and was nursing, so being gone for hours at parties in the evening wasn't conducive to our lifestyle at that time. {Post partum may have had something to do with that as well.}

2. What is the mentality of the company? What is their focus?  Does their mission and vision align with who I am and what I am about?  If not, it would be wise to consider what you like about them and why you are attracted to them.  This is key, in my opinion. "Everything rises and falls on leadership" as Bill Hybels says.  It's true.

3. Is the product something people need &/or want?  That's a key question to ask.  This will help you determine who your market will be. If you love a product, but your friends and family don't, who will you share with to get your business off the ground?  {A lot of times, we start with family and friends and branch out from there.}  It's important to look for something that there is a need/desire for in peoples lives.

4. Is this a product that people will continue to order, or is it a one and done type deal? Another important question to ask.  Is it a business that will generate reorders?  Is it a consumable product, that people will use up and need/want to get more?  There are lots of products out there that people just don't need a lot of.  Once they have it, they have enough. So consider that as well.

5.  Price point.  Is the product affordable for those I know?  Another thing to ponder.  :)

6. Is the product something I believe in and am willing to share?  This is also crucial because you are going to hear "no."  However, when your mission, vision, passion and belief in the product are solid, it doesn't matter. You keep going!  Trust me, been there, done that! You could also ask "is this something I am passionate about?"  If the answer is yes, that's a good sign!

7. Ask and think about things like inventory. Do you keep product on hand and have to send it out?  If so, do you want and are you able to spend a lot of time at the post office? If you have inventory, how much does that cost?Will that cost be a deterrent to others from joining you?

8. Start up cost and other fees.  How much does it cost to join?  Is it something that most people can afford, or could work to afford in a short time frame?  What are the recurring fees, if any?

9. Company return policy.  If people order and don't like it, are you responsible for that? Or does the company take care of it?  All of these details and little questions are so important.

10.  Training.  What type of training will you receive?  It's important to have a solid foundation laid as you start a business, as well as opportunities for continued growth.

What other things are important to consider or ask, do you think?  Did I miss anything?  If you have questions or I can be of help, please let me know.  At the end of the day, my best advice is pray about it, do your homework and talk with your spouse about it.

Blessings,
Melissa