Mother's Day.....Then and Now

Ah, Mother's Day.  Another one has come to a close.  I have such mixed feelings about this day, which I will elaborate on here in a bit, but I found the picture above from Mother's Day 4 years ago and then, the one below, taken today.  Do you see a difference?  I do. The picture from today is more clear, whereas the one above is not as clear.  It's not blurry, but not as clear, I would say.  It's symbolic of life then and now, I think.

The Mother's Day picture from 4 years ago.....I was in a place where I didn't really enjoy my kids. For Mother's Day, I wanted to be left alone.  Honestly, I did.  Chad let me stay Friday night at a local hotel and have all day Saturday to myself.  I got coffee, shopped, had a "Melissa Day."  In fact, the dress in the picture, I bought that just for Mother's Day! As you may be able to tell, I wasn't in a great place then.  I'm not sure if I had been diagnosed with PTSD by that point, or if it was later, but I know that did occur while we were in IL, where the picture was taken.  I wasn't able to enjoy the blessings in my life, including my children.  I was crabby, angry, tired all the time, frustrated and really felt cruddy ~ physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  It makes me sad to think about the place I was in when that picture was taken.  No wonder it's not as clear as the picture from today......BUT GOD!

But God.....intervened, interceded, rescued, healed and delivered that mama in the picture above and transformed her into the mama who is below.  The picture is more clear from today, isn't it?  I am more "real" in the picture below, more comfortable in my own skin today.  I don't feel like I have to be dressed up, in a perfect picture.....I can be me.  And, that is freeing.  Heck, look at what I'm wearing! Yoga pants :)  I will be honest with you, part of me had a bad attitude about today.  It was Mother's Day after all, the kids were supposed to be on their BEST behavior.  This is MY day, after all.  The one I get all year long! They are not supposed to fight, argue, chase each other, provoke one another, or even really speak.  I wanted them to be perfect quiet cherubs all day long. {Where's the mute button?}  RIGHT?  Um, not so much.  They are kids!  {Truth be told, I'm partially writing this so when I read this next year, my expectations are REALISTIC, not pie in the sky, as they started off today.}  Thankfully, I was able to turn it around before dinner time and not let the fact that they are kids ruin the whole day and evening and carry on into tomorrow and the week. {This would have happened in the above picture, by the way.}  I actually felt a huge sigh of relief when they went to bed, because the pressure was off. Isn't that silly?  Where is the pressure coming from?  Myself?  Hallmark?  Society?  I'm not sure, but it's an interesting observation I had at bedtime.

It's always fascinating to be in a place where you can see things as they are now, and how they were back then.  As hard as it was, I'm thankful for the then's, because they enable me to look back and see where God has brought me from.  And, truthfully, I have no desire to go back there whatsoever.  "My chains are gone, I've been set free."  It is amazing love, isn't it?  Happy Mother's Day, mama friends. Let your kids be kids and enjoy the ride, k?  {And this is for me to remember for next year!!!}