So, if you've been reading my blog, following me on facebook, or anything....you likely know I've made some pretty big changes in regards to my health, wellness, fitness and nutrition. If you're unfamiliar with my story, feel free to read it here.
Long story short, I was a food addict. I used food, specifically sugar, to get my fix. It would make me feel better. It would sooth me. It would comfort me. It made me happy. Ice cream - check. I could eat 1/2 of a container in one sitting. Not the whole thing, because I would really have a problem then! Brownies - check. Again, 1/2 a pan gone, no problem! Cookies - check. Ate 'em by the handful. Candy - check. How many pieces could I fit into my mouth at once? Done! Or a whole bag of gummy peaches? Sure! Why not? They're fat free, after all! BUT, when I really wanted to be "healthy," I would have an organic dye free sucker. I'm not sure why, but whatever. Justification? Likely.
When you've struggled with something for most of your life, you don't think it is a problem. At least I didn't. I just thought that was my "normal." I mean everyone inhales sugar like cocaine, right? Um, no. Over the past year, since I started changing my nutrition, I've noticed I've changed. I don't crave sweets daily, like I used to. I don't "need" food to feel good. I don't "need" to stuff myself anymore. I don't eat dinner, then need to eat something sweet right afterwards. I don't "need" to get that high anymore that I used to get from eating too much crap food. Pardon my language, but it's true. So, yes, I've MADE some changes and as a result, I have changed too. My habits have changed, my tastebuds have changed, what I crave has changed.
So, this past weekend with it being Easter, I decided to "test" myself. I'm not sure why I decided to, but I did. Chocolate candy in the house - check. Gluten free, dairy free, dye free cake in the house - check. Tootsie rolls in the house {oh, don't get me started on how many of those I would eat when I worked at the bank.....no wonder my drawer wouldn't balance all those times. Sheesh} - check. I'm ready to go! I ate a healthy lunch and had some cake. Great, doing well. The day ended, and I felt good about my eating choices. So, let's test. I ate a few pieces of chocolate. It didn't even taste good to me. And, I didn't get a sugar high like I used to get. Ok, interesting. Something must be wrong, I can't be free from my sugar addiction, let's try again tomorrow. Is anyone thinking of the verse in Proverbs about a dog returning to it's vomit....I sure am! {Proverbs 26:11 - "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly."} Nice, huh? Monday, I'm going full force for the Reese cups. Yum! Now, those taste good, but no high. I better eat in excess to get that rush. Um, no rush. Ok, so they taste good, but no rush. I better throw the rest away. So, yes, I threw the rest of the blasted Easter candy away! I'm sorry, Chad, you didn't get any....I was in self sabotage mode here! Because I really needed to act like Gideon and test it one more time, I had some cake on Tuesday. Same deal. It didn't taste that good and it certainly didn't do anything for me. So, finally after doing this 3 days in a row I had to ask myself why? Why did I keep going back and doing something I'd worked so hard to change? Self sabotage came to mind. I was trying to sabotage myself. Why? I don't know. To see if I was still addicted? I'm not. I haven't had any sugar for 2 days now and am doing great. Do I want any? No. Do I miss it? No. Does it do anything for me? No, not anymore. Was I trying to get readdicted? I don't know. I just know the feeling I used to have when I ate sweets is gone. Gone. Gone. Was I looking for it? Possibly. But, it's dead and I don't care for it to be resurrected, thank you. I'm pleased to say each time I see the bunny cake, I have no desire for it at all. That, my friends, is a huge victory over bondage, right there!
No comments :
Post a Comment